[The First Aria]

Ia, 

I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts in various threads, the responses are enlightening and entertaining. I have no useful feedback on wardrobe

Ahhhh, you just want to be a doudy house husband then....   LOL.  Dont worry, I am the North American President of that Chapter!   LOL...

[The First Aria]

I have recently been asked by several of my Gurlfriends on this board how I am mentally doing after being on HRT for almost 18 months.

I'm not really sure where to begin.....  I hope it comes out coherently..  as with other things in life, it's not easy to relate nor even to put a finger on.  You just deal or shuck it into the bin...

I know, that for sure, I have NEVER been a true cross dresser in the truest definition...  I never received a sexual thrill, nor any other type of thrill other than more of a natural feeling when in "drag".   God, I hate that term so much!   But it is a term everyone understands to a certain degree.

After having cross dress for many years, about 30+, I always wished that I never had to stuff my bra or wear xtra padding for my rear....  But I never fully connected the dots.  But now I realize that I was exploring, maybe even fantasizing about having a "convertible " body to some degree or another...  Or maybe in my mind, practicing to become a little more of what I truly am..

But, in exchanging one set of facts for another, like in real life, there are trade offs.  Conflicts as it were.  Like when I was a wee lad on a hot summer's day...  I and my parents usually went to an ice cream shop where I was given a choice of a nice cold Root Beer or an Ice Cream cone....The ice cream you had to eat real quick, or it would melt and get all over everything.  or the soda that you could take your time with and savor a bit longer...  But due to the heat, it would not stay ice cold for long.

I find my life in that predicament now..  I love that fact that , through doctors, pharma and genetics I am now getting closer to my ideal body..  I now have a choice when going to the bathroom of standing up, or siting down.  I suppose I always had that choice, but now it is truly a choice of my mood, and what I am wearing at the time...   HOW GREAT!!!

I do not want to depart from my "male parts", but I have come to realize, that if I should develop Testicular Cancer, I wold NOT hesitate nor feel it a loss if the doctor had to give me a male form of Hysterectomy.  In my old life, or rather, original rules of my life...  I would of thought my world and life would be over.  But not now.

I have no doubt, that if I would of been born a Bio Woman, I would of done just fine, but wonder if I was so, if I would of wished for a big clitoris to feel like a man and maybe would of bound my breasts up so I could pass as a male...   I know, crazy, right?

I find it truly two faced that the world generally accepts a woman who wears mostly male type clothing as normal or even cute or stylish....  But let a man put on even a real kilt, or a frilly blouse, there is normally 2 reaction..  1.  Ignore and cross to the other side of the street....  2.  Snicker or say something stupid to whomever they are with .

In the case of a Bi-gender like myself...  Wouldn't it be nice just to accept the fact that instead of wearing shorts on a hot day, he prefers a dress and light weight blouse to be more comfortable in.....   Or just simply that's what caught his/her eye cause of the colors or mood the gurl just happens to be in...

No matter if I ever get to the point of being able to pass as either gender, there are still basic core truths that shall never change.  I dearly love my wife, kids and grandkids.  I could NEVER be mad that I was 100% man at one point of my life...  I would never trade any of that for a free SRS!

Other than now understanding a little better of my true nature, I can honestly say that I am still a conservative in politics, financial and moral values.  And that generally speaking I feel just a little better overall about myself.  But other than that I do not think anything about me mentally has changed all the much...   No pink fog, no hatting my bat and balls and definitely no light switches have been turned on or off..  Just a better acceptance of what I am.

Physically speaking....   Ya, I have lost a lot of muscle mass, more smoothing of the areas that I welcome.  But due to fat migration, a few more curves and slightly bigger butt, boobs of course and my face looks like I had 10 - 15 years of age removed from.  But definitely my consistent strength and explosive type of strength has diminished.  That is the physical trade off.

I hope this doesn't sound like a rant or me being preachy...But there is some of my thoughts.

[Happyme]

Hi Aria,
Since its that time again when you have showed us your wonderful growth, and I asked you about the 'mental part' I thought I'd re read your last thoughts.
You did such an amazing job of describing the real you last time, I'm very curious as too see if you still are holding onto what you said or if the girl is pulling you more in.

Personally I love the way all of you have gone from the 'I dont know" and " it getting narrow up here on top of the fence". and how you have jumped the fence and have stayed sane with it all.

I admire you so much, wanting to be Aria when you are you, and then hopping into dad and Granpa mode.
Thats pretty much the way i feel, but I just dont have the lure to do my hair and wear a dress all day.
I dress every night and enjoy the girl that looks back at me from the mirror, but those are special times. My normal day is up at 5:30, feed the cats, put on my scrubby dubbies and head to the garage to get dirty. Then about 5:30 I shower, mascara lipstick earrings bra and what ever dress suits my mood for the night.

I was thinking this morning about when I was working from home and was stuck inside at my computer all day.
I was always full femme, pantihose, hair done, makeup and a well thought outfit for the day.
That was so much fun and I could have fallen into that life forever. Things happen and now those are very pleasant memories. Now I cant even think about pantihose, and heels---phew.
Ok so I've stolen enough of your thread. I'll wait for your missive
Huggs
Bobbi
PS
Where is lotus these days?

[The First Aria]

Hi Aria,
Since its that time again when you have showed us your wonderful growth, and I asked you about the 'mental part' I thought I'd re read your last thoughts.
You did such an amazing job of describing the real you last time, I'm very curious as too see if you still are holding onto what you said or if the girl is pulling you more in.

Personally I love the way all of you have gone from the 'I dont know" and " it getting narrow up here on top of the fence". and how you have jumped the fence and have stayed sane with it all.

I admire you so much, wanting to be Aria when you are you, and then hopping into dad and Granpa mode.
Thats pretty much the way i feel, but I just dont have the lure to do my hair and wear a dress all day.
I dress every night and enjoy the girl that looks back at me from the mirror, but those are special times. My normal day is up at 5:30, feed the cats, put on my scrubby dubbies and head to the garage to get dirty. Then about 5:30 I shower, mascara lipstick earrings bra and what ever dress suits my mood for the night.

I was thinking this morning about when I was working from home and was stuck inside at my computer all day.
I was always full femme, pantihose, hair done, makeup and a well thought outfit for the day.
That was so much fun and I could have fallen into that life forever. Things happen and now those are very pleasant memories. Now I cant even think about pantihose, and heels---phew.
Ok so I've stolen enough of your thread. I'll wait for your missive
Huggs
Bobbi
PS
Where is lotus these days?

Geeze Bobbi, you're making a girl blush!  Such kind thoughtful remarks and questions..   

I feel as though I do not have to worry about a fence, that if I wake up feeling female and conditions are right, I dress accordingly.  By that I mean that if kids are in school, and I am home alone I dress the way I feel.  That's about the only good thing about being Medically Retired..  If it's a day that I have no option of dressing, then of course I don't.  Other than the fact I still put on very light makeup and wear a bra most times, I still put on the outer clothing that my mind and circumstances dictate.

A lot of times, when I go to my Doctor, Voice therapy or mental therapy sessions....  I go as female to one degree or another..  I have never worked up the courage to put on either a skirt or a dress out in public....  but I have a couple of pants and blouses that are most definitely feminine.   I feel my jumping off point is when I get my Feminine voice to the place I feel it works for me, then I would/will dress in a skirt or dress.  I feel that I would be much safer and more confident then.

Right now, me and my wife are trying to learn how to deal with me being who I am..  Some good times, as well as rough moments.  But, we are still holding together most of the time.  I wish that I had to courage to "come out" to all of my family, but as of yet I do not..  That is why I treasure my therapists and doctor visits so much.  I have the safe havens I can run to, and depending on my mood, thrive in as a female.

I chat with Lotus at least 3x per week.  He has had many problems in the last 6 months.   Problems with his wife due to his transgenderism, his "Hashimoto's Disease" and just trying to deal on an everyday basis.  He still monitors both boards, he just feels he has very little to contribute till after he solves a few IRL problems.

I would love to be able to take shots showing my hips , rear and other developments.  But, they sometimes exaggerate or reduce the actual accomplishments.  When I get the angles and lighting figured out I do want to post some, cause I am happy for the most part on the progress I have made since December of 2016.

[The First Aria]

Sorry all.  I knew I hadn't posted anything about me for a bit, but geeze......   a full year?   Wow...

Anyways, whats new.  Well, I came out to my family about being Two Spirit, and also the fact that I have been on HRT for over 2 yrs.   It went pretty good I feel.   Still married, still old and still have boobs!     Also, I need to have hip replacement surgery too....  Fun, eh?

But, I have a general question for you.   I know it maybe hard for a few of you to relate, not being Two Spirit and all, but I still value everyone's thoughts.  So, here goes.

As of the last 7 months, it's been real hard for my GD to regulate my hormone levels.  Like one time they are E @ 400+, the next time 97, and my T @ 15, then the next time up to 300.   Many Doctors suggest E at no more than 200 Estrogen, but will accept 300, while they prefer T to be at 25 - 50 but not much higher.

As a consequence, my doctor has recommended and Orchi at least, if not complete SRS.  But, here's the rub.  I don't want to do it, I would prefer chemical castration as opposed to REAL castration.  The main reason is that if I do so, then I would NOT be a true Two Spirit.  That I would have to go full time femme.  And I just don't think I want that.

So, what's everyone's idea's or thoughts?

XO to all

Aria

[Shawna-lee]

Before making any decisions, watch this lecture by Dr Powers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fefu33e8O-0

[The First Aria]

Before making any decisions, watch this lecture by Dr Powers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fefu33e8O-0

Wow!  2 hrs.  But it seems worth it.  Thanks for the heads up, I will view and let everyone know what I think.  

Aria

[dawn]

Before making any decisions, watch this lecture by Dr Powers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fefu33e8O-0

I'm only an hour into this but it is so good! There's great ideas for enhancing an NBE program and for one that's stalled out.

[Birgit]

He is my Doctor and he is super awesome!
<3

[The First Aria]

He is my Doctor and he is super awesome!
<3

The one giving the lecture?   WOW!