[Katie]

I`v mentioned a few times that what began as a purely gender based journey of discovery quickly became
about something Much more.
Transition is seen mainly as 3 areas of change, Social, Legal and Medical. Something that I`v not really
come across anywhere in all my reading is about the Fourth area that transition takes place in, it`s
almost never mentioned or talked about, but In My opinion it`s probably the most important, that of
Personal transition.

For many of us, being raised as "male" and socialised as such with all the gaslighting involved and
societal pressures coupled with what would seem irrefutable medical evidence between your legs can (for
a while at least) convince you that you Are what they say, you compensate for what doesn`t come
naturally by copying other males around you, taking on their opinions, mannerisms, demeanor and a whole
host of other intricacies for use a later date to fill in the inevitable gaps that you`ll have in future
encounters. You become a world class Method Actor! Over time you`ll even buy into this crap yourself,
and over time you`ll gradually lose the Real you as well.

After so thoughroughly drinking the kool-aid, it`ll take a Great deal of courage to even start to
ackowledge "the girl within" much less `let her out`! some of you will never get this far, some will,
and for those that do, and start to explore their real Gender identity the journey of transition begins.
For a few, the simple acknowledgement of "Her" will be enough, some may go further and dress en femme to
varying degrees occasionally, others further still and make take medical steps towards their True
identity, be it herbal or pharma, still others will accept nothing less than full physical, social and
legal transition etc... and there will be some that will always be at various degrees from one end to
the other like a pick`n`mix buffet.
Each will have their own level that satisfies their need for Authenticity and as long as they`re being
100% true to themselves and no one else, then it`s ALL good!

The bit you don`t really ever hear about for those that fully transition is "Then What!?".
well for Me, I discovered that after near full transition, Another question arrises, I`v acknowledged
"the girl within" and taken all possible steps to become Her in Real Life as well, and that`s left me
with; So, I`m a girl, now what?
I`v noticed recently that the main question for my self beyond that, is "What Kind of girl am I?".
I`v never seen this spoken about anywhere, but I`m sure that if it happens to me, it must have happened
to others too.

And so, with the same degree of Honesty that brought to me this place, the place beyond accepting I Am a
girl, I must now apply that to `what Kind of girl am I?` what do I REALLY Like and enjoy (not what I`v
been programmed to like by my upbringing), what are my Real fave colors? what do I Really want to wear
(when you get past that stage of "Any womens clothes that fit") ect... This, in my opinion is where the
Real transition happens, when you drop All the crap and become Authentic in Every area of your life, not
just gender.

All those things you adopted to "fill in the gaps", all those `beleifs` and opinions you held because
they were useful in passing as the gender society said you were, litterally Everything in your life has
to be gone through with brutal honesty and in depth with questioning "Do i Really, think/ feel/ beieve
this?". Sometimes you won`t have answers either, and you have to ask yourself "what kind of person do I
WANT to be like?" because there is also truth hidden in our desires even if we have no idea how to
manifest them.

I tell people othen to "Always follow your Heart" and these are Not empty words, it`s the Only way that
I have found that actually 100% works, I know my head will let me down and present all sorts of counter
ideas (mainly fear based) and that this historically has always failed for me, so I tried something New
(and Estrogen has helped me a lot in this area), that following what you really FEEL in your heart of
hearts will be the key to Genuine Happiness, and so far that Hasn`t let me down Ever!

I may add to this later as further realisations and discoveries are made (I hope so!) but for now I`ll
leave it here and hopefully it`ll be of some use to another at some point, if you strip away all the
Trans related stuff, I think it`s generally a good idea all round to do this regularly anyway, a sort of
Personal Maintenace overhaul for Truth and Authenticity as an act of self Love.

Katie xx

[Happyme]

Love the way your mind works Katie!
Really well thought out and presented.
I'll comment more later.
Bobbi

[julieTG]

Phew DEEP
X
Julie

[sunniethings]

Phew DEEP
X
Julie

sounds like Siddha Yoga to me.  the nature of reality and the Absolute Truth.  

    When the little fleshly ship is birthed through the vaginal canal into the great harbor of the world It is pure consciousness.  The child knows not the world.  When it laughs the old folks say it is the angels talking to the child.  When it cries the flesh needs attention.  Eventually the eyes begin to focus and it discovers its hands and feet.  Then a vision of someone giving it a bottle of milk saying "I'm mommy" and it learns that is mommy.  Another familiar vision says "I'm daddy" and it learns this is "mommy and daddy".  Mom and dad begin telling it "You're Sonny Star" and it begins to relate the name with the Self.  As the flesh grows up into its environment it becomes the character it learns to be, Sonny Star.  The character was not "born".  It was created by That which was born in the little fleshly ship, Pure Consciousness.  The character ego grows away from what it truly is and becomes Sonny Star.  Sonny Star was never born, it's a character creation.  Much like Hollywood.   A person growing up in their environment without a teacher to avail the truth becomes molded by that environment.    

 There are 4 aspects to being human.  

  1. The body: it is only a vehicle to get around in.  
  2. The mind: it is only a tool, but the greatest creative tool known to mankind.  It can create anything.       It is a contraction of Pure Consciousness.  
  3. The ego: in this case it's Sonny Star, never born only a creation of That which was born.  The ego           filters that which is provided by Pure Consciousness through the mind.  Without a teacher the ego must       learn on its own.  And, the ego doesn't actually exist, but it thinks it does because of its memories.  
  4. The Consciousness: It is God.  It has created all that we see, hear ,feel, taste, touch, smell and can       imagine.  Without consciousness nothing actually exist.  

                      

[PleasantlyFascinated]

Phew DEEP
X
Julie

sounds like Siddha Yoga to me.  the nature of reality and the Absolute Truth.  

    When the little fleshly ship is birthed through the vaginal canal into the great harbor of the world It is pure consciousness.  The child knows not the world.  When it laughs the old folks say it is the angels talking to the child.  When it cries the flesh needs attention.  Eventually the eyes begin to focus and it discovers its hands and feet.  Then a vision of someone giving it a bottle of milk saying "I'm mommy" and it learns that is mommy.  Another familiar vision says "I'm daddy" and it learns this is "mommy and daddy".  Mom and dad begin telling it "You're Sonny Star" and it begins to relate the name with the Self.  As the flesh grows up into its environment it becomes the character it learns to be, Sonny Star.  The character was not "born".  It was created by That which was born in the little fleshly ship, Pure Consciousness.  The character ego grows away from what it truly is and becomes Sonny Star.  Sonny Star was never born, it's a character creation.  Much like Hollywood.   A person growing up in their environment without a teacher to avail the truth becomes molded by that environment.    

 There are 4 aspects to being human.  

  1. The body: it is only a vehicle to get around in.  
  2. The mind: it is only a tool, but the greatest creative tool known to mankind.  It can create anything.       It is a contraction of Pure Consciousness.  
  3. The ego: in this case it's Sonny Star, never born only a creation of That which was born.  The ego           filters that which is provided by Pure Consciousness through the mind.  Without a teacher the ego must       learn on its own.  And, the ego doesn't actually exist, but it thinks it does because of its memories.  
  4. The Consciousness: It is God.  It has created all that we see, hear ,feel, taste, touch, smell and can       imagine.  Without consciousness nothing actually exist.  

                      

This gem of a thread gives new validation as to why I check in every day.

Interesting, is it not, that truth and awareness have been riding along in us our entire lives?  The need to adapt to the world in which we find ourselves initially requires learned behavior, in order that we ensure our survival.  How quickly is this assimilated as Identity!  Time spent amongst individuals capable of reinterpreting their identities is refreshing and instructive.  Not everyone finds a Teacher, but how nice that we can find others, who, by sharing their accumulated wisdom, can bring us in touch with our internal teacher.

[sunniethings]

Phew DEEP
X
Julie

sounds like Siddha Yoga to me.  the nature of reality and the Absolute Truth.  

    When the little fleshly ship is birthed through the vaginal canal into the great harbor of the world It is pure consciousness.  The child knows not the world.  When it laughs the old folks say it is the angels talking to the child.  When it cries the flesh needs attention.  Eventually the eyes begin to focus and it discovers its hands and feet.  Then a vision of someone giving it a bottle of milk saying "I'm mommy" and it learns that is mommy.  Another familiar vision says "I'm daddy" and it learns this is "mommy and daddy".  Mom and dad begin telling it "You're Sonny Star" and it begins to relate the name with the Self.  As the flesh grows up into its environment it becomes the character it learns to be, Sonny Star.  The character was not "born".  It was created by That which was born in the little fleshly ship, Pure Consciousness.  The character ego grows away from what it truly is and becomes Sonny Star.  Sonny Star was never born, it's a character creation.  Much like Hollywood.   A person growing up in their environment without a teacher to avail the truth becomes molded by that environment.    

 There are 4 aspects to being human.  

  1. The body: it is only a vehicle to get around in.  
  2. The mind: it is only a tool, but the greatest creative tool known to mankind.  It can create anything.       It is a contraction of Pure Consciousness.  
  3. The ego: in this case it's Sonny Star, never born only a creation of That which was born.  The ego           filters that which is provided by Pure Consciousness through the mind.  Without a teacher the ego must       learn on its own.  And, the ego doesn't actually exist, but it thinks it does because of its memories.  
  4. The Consciousness: It is God.  It has created all that we see, hear ,feel, taste, touch, smell and can       imagine.  Without consciousness nothing actually exist.  

                      

This gem of a thread gives new validation as to why I check in every day.

Interesting, is it not, that truth and awareness have been riding along in us our entire lives?  The need to adapt to the world in which we find ourselves initially requires learned behavior, in order that we ensure our survival.  How quickly is this assimilated as Identity!  Time spent amongst individuals capable of reinterpreting their identities is refreshing and instructive.  Not everyone finds a Teacher, but how nice that we can find others, who, by sharing their accumulated wisdom, can bring us in touch with our internal teacher.

It is said, "When the student is ready the teacher will come".  After years of searching I came across the Hindu philosophy and Vedas.  It was the beginning of understanding.  Everything I had studied over the years was like stepping stones upon the path of life that led to knowledge.  Knowledge of the Absolute Truth and the nature of reality.  I learned I could change my character any time I really wanted to.  Just like Hollywood.  I didn't have to be miserable.  I was choosing to be for a lack of knowledge and understanding.  So I began to choose a better path on the road of life and became who I am today.

[happyboobs]

Great post Katie thank you I think you are spot on and most all of us are clueless on that 4th item.

I think you are 100% correct in your take..
Again congrats on your own self, and I sure hope that the most important thing is that you are happy to be the you that you are now and still growing into.

[wee2er]

A really interesting, thought out, open and honest post Katie, thanks for sharing.
For me every day is a school day, never stop asking why, never stop learning about yourself and the world, and remember, never to stop smiling.

[BillieJean17]

Very thought provoking Katie.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  They are a valuable addition to the matters discussed on this forum.  I look forward to following this conversation and learning from it.  And perhaps in time contributing to the discussion.

BJ

[jannet.duff]

The fourth ..hmmm

For me, that's just life, lived to my best.

Your right on point with the clothing style, almost everything I purchased in the beginning of my transition, has not been worn in a few years. I kinda copied my wife's sense of style in the beginning, then I branched off. I still wear conservative clothes for my age, but the odd time she still mentions the " your not going out like that are you " and shakes her head.

We just need to live a life that makes us happy, everything else will drop into place.