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Progress, plans and other ramblings

(10-01-2021, 08:33 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote:  Well now, isn't this cool new thing, we had a vocal recording session and I decided to be bold and wear my pushup bra. I had it without the straps so I needed to fix it from time to time.... I've passed the test with our vocalist, he doesn't give a damn about me wearing a bra + skinny jeans and so on. No problem what so ever. He saw me fix the cups probably twenty times. Big Grin No weird looks, no comments, nothing of sort. As I expected, he's open minded and nice guy so. Seems that I'm free to be girly around him.

Victory is sweet. Wink

Today is the day 1 of a new pm cycle, I should have taken 2k today, but did 3k instead. I just felt like I need it... I'm becoming a boob growth addict I guess. I had a blast, this day turned from moody to great. <3

Well done Didi  Wink
Next step is ask your GF to do your make up, a rock chick top/t-shirt and those skinny jeans and sing till your heart is content.
Victory is indeed sweet   Smile  
Remember that PM is a marathon not a sprint, oh what am I saying, I know nothing! I'm only on PM gel !!!!
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I'm trying to not overdo it. I've done it once and ended up feeling horrible and taking a long break. I'm not yet absolutely convinced that 3000mg/day would not be too much, so far on Ainterol pm it doesn't seem to hurt as I don't keep that high dose for a long time in one go. I tend to think that 2000mg/day is probably quite optimal.

That would be cool thing to do... But I try to give a soft landing for my friends instead of going full on dolled up with them. Big Grin
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3000 is fine. Anything more is too much. 
I’m speaking from experience.
2000 really is the magic number, though.
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(10-01-2021, 08:33 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote:  Well now, isn't this cool new thing, we had a vocal recording session and I decided to be bold and wear my pushup bra. I had it without the straps so I needed to fix it from time to time.... I've passed the test with our vocalist, he doesn't give a damn about me wearing a bra + skinny jeans and so on. No problem what so ever. He saw me fix the cups probably twenty times. Big Grin No weird looks, no comments, nothing of sort. As I expected, he's open minded and nice guy so. Seems that I'm free to be girly around him.

Victory is sweet. Wink

Today is the day 1 of a new pm cycle, I should have taken 2k today, but did 3k instead. I just felt like I need it... I'm becoming a boob growth addict I guess. I had a blast, this day turned from moody to great. <3
That’s so great to hear! It must be a relief not to have to worry about it Smile

Do you space out your PM throughout the day or take it all at once? I’ve been happy with 1k/day, but curious what the extra dosage would be like.
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(12-01-2021, 01:48 AM)diometres22 Wrote:  
(10-01-2021, 08:33 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote:  Well now, isn't this cool new thing, we had a vocal recording session and I decided to be bold and wear my pushup bra. I had it without the straps so I needed to fix it from time to time.... I've passed the test with our vocalist, he doesn't give a damn about me wearing a bra + skinny jeans and so on. No problem what so ever. He saw me fix the cups probably twenty times. Big Grin No weird looks, no comments, nothing of sort. As I expected, he's open minded and nice guy so. Seems that I'm free to be girly around him.

Victory is sweet. Wink

Today is the day 1 of a new pm cycle, I should have taken 2k today, but did 3k instead. I just felt like I need it... I'm becoming a boob growth addict I guess. I had a blast, this day turned from moody to great. <3
That’s so great to hear! It must be a relief not to have to worry about it Smile

Do you space out your PM throughout the day or take it all at once? I’ve been happy with 1k/day, but curious what the extra dosage would be like.
Oh yea, it truly is. Smile

I try to, but most of the week, I just can't space it out evenly, so what I do is I take 1k in the morning around six, another 1k in the evening between 6-9, when on 3k, the same except 1k right after work around five and the last dose just before sleep. I have also done done it so that I leave the morning dose out.

I would really like to take the most towards the night so highest pm dose would be circulating around when T goes naturally down. I would guess its specially good move as I'm not on an antiandrogen at the moment.

I agree with Stevenator on the dosage. It seems that 2000mg/day is the optimal to go for, I can't say for sure if 3000mg/day has made any better or faster results, but it seems that its the high dose that has kicked off a growth spurt in me few times. I have never kept it high for a long period of time, ranging from few days to bit over a week so I can't say. But cycling seems to truly work well.
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The only difference that I noticed between 2000 and 3000, was the perceived need to start my breaks earlier. On 3000, I felt like I had to stop around 4-6 weeks and take a break. On 2000 I could go longer before needing to break.
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(12-01-2021, 04:43 AM)Stevenator_too Wrote:  The only difference that I noticed between 2000 and 3000, was the perceived need to start my breaks earlier. On 3000, I felt like I had to stop around 4-6 weeks and take a break. On 2000 I could go longer before needing to break.

Interesting considering my experience. I've had it happen twice at least that I feel that I need to have a break, last time I took bit over a month completely off, but I have never kept the higher dose going for long in one go.
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(12-01-2021, 03:29 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote:  
(12-01-2021, 04:43 AM)Stevenator_too Wrote:  The only difference that I noticed between 2000 and 3000, was the perceived need to start my breaks earlier. On 3000, I felt like I had to stop around 4-6 weeks and take a break. On 2000 I could go longer before needing to break.

Interesting considering my experience. I've had it happen twice at least that I feel that I need to have a break, last time I took bit over a month completely off, but I have never kept the higher dose going for long in one go.
Is that need for a break just general fatigue? Or other symptoms?
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(12-01-2021, 03:53 PM)diometres22 Wrote:  
(12-01-2021, 03:29 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote:  
(12-01-2021, 04:43 AM)Stevenator_too Wrote:  The only difference that I noticed between 2000 and 3000, was the perceived need to start my breaks earlier. On 3000, I felt like I had to stop around 4-6 weeks and take a break. On 2000 I could go longer before needing to break.

Interesting considering my experience. I've had it happen twice at least that I feel that I need to have a break, last time I took bit over a month completely off, but I have never kept the higher dose going for long in one go.
Is that need for a break just general fatigue? Or other symptoms?

One time after about two months on, mostly quite high doses, I started experiencing the leg cramps, along with being tired way more than I should be, but the biggest issue was the mental mess the PM seems to do to me some times. Other time last autumn was just lack of energy and mental stuff... I can't really explain it, but I've had it happen that I just "feel" I need to reset. Right now I'm on my second continuous cycle, cycling only the dose and I'm doing ok. But also I haven't being taking higher dose than 3k/day and that only for about a week in the middle of the cycle.
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Ok, I need to vent. When I set sail towards the gender confusion land, I didn't expect things. I didn't know what to expect, not the good, not the bad, nor the ugly. I've been on this pink fog laced mind f*** trip for nearly two years now, actually longer if I could from the time it became evident that I have a problem which I MUST address or regret the rest of my days not delving into.

What I didn't expect is the mental tsunami of confusion, insecurity, boob envy, self awareness and all these things that are happening. Not the positives either to be honest. I knew it few years back that I HAVE to do something about myself, but it never crossed my mind that starting with little bit of boobs would come to this point where it feels like I'm walking in an unknown forest blindfolded where I know my goal but not the path to it.

Last two weeks or so have been specially tough on me. Winters suck, I have too much time to sit on my arse and overthink. I always think and analyze things to the smallest detail and I tend to do it from the point of a stupidly aware perfectionist. Its not wise at all as on its worse, it leads to bitterness, cynicism and a burning need to buy a rope, tie it to a tree above a well, bite a cyanide capsule while lighting myself on fire and jumping down the well. I dunno wth is wrong with me, other than having clear depression symptoms. Some days are good, some are fine, and the last two weeks or so, I've went up and down, zig-zag rollercoaster all the time. Today was no different.

Today's overthinking issue is how unfair the boobieland is, how unfair the whole bleepin' world is. On a website I often mention, I saw this woman who has probably the biggest natural boobs I have ever seen, apparently there is no cup size big enough for her.... And it sure looks that way. My jaw dropped. I can only think of one or two from the adult industry who have something like that and I think this one out of this world woman has more. And then it hit me, the most insidiously disheartening boob envy in the world, along with the realization of how unfair things always seem to be. Here I am, going through a lot of trouble to grow a pair, and ironically doing better than a lot of others with the same 'mission'. And then bang! Out of the woodwork comes another example of some (questionably) lucky girl who has enough boobs to fill out ten pairs of full G cups. How in the *bleep* is that supposed to be fair? I could give endless examples from out there, endless... But on bodily matters I think this stuff is the most glaringly obvious. Specially in the culture we (at least I?) live in where size is such an unhealthy obsession. Something I fall victim to all the time. And others too.

I hate to envy someone, I really do. I wish I somehow had the strength and wisdom to push that kind of lowly thinking aside, but I just can't help it. Specially about boobs its ridiculous, I hear constant praise about my progress, hell, I should be happy, so much so that I would feel pride and had my head so full of piss its pouring out of my ears... But no way, my mind messes it up, the little voice on my shoulder keeps on telling me how I am nothing and fail everything, no matter what. Which is obviously false way of thinking which leads to nowhere good.

And this isn't the most pressing issue I have right now, but that's a matter of another long rant for some other shitty day. This post has gotten long enough so I'll cut long story short and end it here.

Old demons die hard.
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