[Drew]

No I'm not or wasn't trying to say you are not what you are but I know myself that finding the correct bra size if you are a genetic male is very, very tricky. Well it is for me. What you have is very feminine and your dedication to your program is nothing short of admirable I am certainly no way as disciplined in my own personal treatment as you. We cannot use the tape to measure and use the chart to find a bra size, our bodies are a bit different,  at least that's my experience according to the tape in a c but am certainly not. That's all. Sorry if I upset that's not the way I was going. What you have DiDi is very, very impressive and in such a short time so are obviously a natural sorry for upsetting that's not my aim I was just questioning the cup size as I personally have difficulty in this area trying to estimate correctly. But understand and will keep away now. I do at times write without fully explaining myself and expect people to understand what it is I'm trying to get across, obvious it doesn't work I'm not calling anybody a liar, I would NEVER do that. Apologies again.

Well, bras certainly are rocket science to deal with... What I've found is that most smaller ones have such tiny cups they don't fit my wide + flat boobs. Anyway, its ok, you just hit a nerve on a bad moment. I'm tired and bitchy today for some reason even after decent sleep last night. Nothing that coffee and chocolate ice cream wouldn't fix.

Apology accepted.

Thanks I was only questioning the measuring system/charts as they don't work for me.
If it's any consolation I have just broken my left hand difficult to type right handed for me so won't be writing muxh anyway. This just took me ages.

[wee2er]

Wow DiDi, what's going down??
You look lovely wiht lovely boobs, don't let ANYONE get you down, think back on yesterdays post, full of positivity, please stay strong and positive, you will get there .

Go read Drew's thread and you know what fired me up. I will not watch anyone say my boobs are not what they are! I am not a liar! I do not fake things! I'm not here to make people envious and come up with bullshit about me! I'm here for the journey, for finding friends, getting help when I need it and to share my experience and help out other when I can. I'm also not here for forum wars, I've seen too many of that...

I'm a bit pissed off as getting kicked on the pussy is not nice at all. Saying stuff that hits me right where my dysphorias are is very bad sport.

Oh yes, I will stay positive, I'm not totally loosing my marbles here, just annoyed as heck for having to address this kind of things, its derailing my thread. This is about my NBE stuff and transition and that's it, not for proving stuff to anyone. Except that I will not take such stuff about my boobs not being what they are, I will set the record straight if someone thinks I'm a liar or a fake.

EDIT:
One more thing, I haven't posted these here before... First of all, latest attempt with makeup, did the base myself this time. And then a boobie pic, from about a week ago after noogling, so yes, there's swelling there, but its a kind of pic that might tell something. Let this sink in for a while.

I read it and completely understand and agree with you.
Thank goodness it all looks to be sorted now.
Nice pics and your make up is coming along, practice practice is what make up is all about

[Heaven's Night]

I'm crying a fucking river.... I can't stand this any more... I'm so sick of playing games, faking it to people... I'm sick of it. I have to start to come out to my family. I must do it, its so painful, I'm afraid and I have to deal with it or else I'll just break down completely.

If I can gather the courage... I will call my brother tomorrow. I have to tell someone.

I've been avoiding my mother for months... I'm just too afraid of what will happen. I will crack at some point and can't hold it and tell her no matter what. I must act upon it, its too painful to keep inside. I'm horrible at keeping from telling something that's bothering me. I've always sucked at it and it has caused me depression earlier... (Bullying, at one point I stopped talking to my mother as she was just hurting me more with her so called advice, that set off a snowball which kept gathering for years and years culminating much later in a near suicide attempt.)

Its just insane, last few months have been crazy. Everyone I've told something to have been so kind to me, I never expected it. Even my bandmates were so cool, it totally broke me in a way. Its a small wonder I didn't cry right there back then.

And people online, oh my gods how awesome it has been... Here, BN, some other forums, fb friends, almost all of it has been just amazing. Few friends have stopped talking with me but I don't mind... If they can't deal with it, its none of my business and I have better friends. But my family not knowing, its such a burden on me... I can't carry that pain on my shoulders forever. I can't hide much longer until I totally loose it and blurt it out in a bad way.

I dunno if anyone even cares about this insane struggle, I just have to have this said out loud somehow.

I posted the above on the BN Discord just minutes ago... I have to get this off my shoulders, I have to do something about it. Its killing me to keep quiet. I can't handle it unless I act out. I'm sorry to spam a rant like this here, but I need to open up or I'll spend the rest of the night crying and over thinking the same things million times.

[Heaven's Night]

What's this? Universe trolling me? I feel moody af, bitchy, then happy, then sad, then cry my eyes out only to be spoken like this....


[*]21.03.21 00:27 < HT> : And I type like shit, its been quite an emotional day... Yea, totally. Chivalry is a dying virtue it seems, but there's always the few who make a day any time. ^_^
[*]21.03.21 00:25 < jsummers2016 > : Well you have to be a gentleman, it’s missing in these modern times
[*]21.03.21 00:24 < HT > : You sure know how to talk to a girl, a man of disticntion you are.
[*]21.03.21 00:21 < jsummers2016 > : Keeping my eye on such a blossoming flower
[*]21.03.21 00:14 < HT > : Awww, thank you so much. <3 Its little things like this that absolutely melt my heart...
[*]21.03.21 00:07 < jsummers2016 > : Prettier all the time

Awwww darn it.... This guy just totally made my day. He has posted to me before being just as nice. And not verbally or intellectually challenged like about 70% of men on the website this was from. He then asked if I would like to chat with him somewhere better suited for it... Hell yea, if a guy treats me like lady, I sure want to know him a bit.

[JustAbbey]

I'm crying a fucking river.... I can't stand this any more... I'm so sick of playing games, faking it to people... I'm sick of it. I have to start to come out to my family. I must do it, its so painful, I'm afraid and I have to deal with it or else I'll just break down completely.

If I can gather the courage... I will call my brother tomorrow. I have to tell someone.

I've been avoiding my mother for months... I'm just too afraid of what will happen. I will crack at some point and can't hold it and tell her no matter what. I must act upon it, its too painful to keep inside. I'm horrible at keeping from telling something that's bothering me. I've always sucked at it and it has caused me depression earlier... (Bullying, at one point I stopped talking to my mother as she was just hurting me more with her so called advice, that set off a snowball which kept gathering for years and years culminating much later in a near suicide attempt.)

Its just insane, last few months have been crazy. Everyone I've told something to have been so kind to me, I never expected it. Even my bandmates were so cool, it totally broke me in a way. Its a small wonder I didn't cry right there back then.

And people online, oh my gods how awesome it has been... Here, BN, some other forums, fb friends, almost all of it has been just amazing. Few friends have stopped talking with me but I don't mind... If they can't deal with it, its none of my business and I have better friends. But my family not knowing, its such a burden on me... I can't carry that pain on my shoulders forever. I can't hide much longer until I totally loose it and blurt it out in a bad way.

I dunno if anyone even cares about this insane struggle, I just have to have this said out loud somehow.

I posted the above on the BN Discord just minutes ago... I have to get this off my shoulders, I have to do something about it. Its killing me to keep quiet. I can't handle it unless I act out. I'm sorry to spam a rant like this here, but I need to open up or I'll spend the rest of the night crying and over thinking the same things million times.

Hi Didi, whatever you decide is the right thing. But like pulling of a bandaid, the imagined pain is usually worse than reality. I can relate to your feelings about your mother - I had/have very similar experiences. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you feel better.

BTW - you look beautiful, and not just your boobs.

[Heaven's Night]

Ohkay, number crunching, I put all my data on a spreadsheet, makes it so much better to read... Not too much of a chore yet either. I think I'll update that once a week or so, I'm putting in daily measurements though, so at some point I have to make weekly version, calculate weekly average, that would likely to give quite good numbers as it cancels out a lot of the fluctuation and error margin.

[Heaven's Night]

I tried to call my brother but he didn't answer, so I sent him bunch of messages on whatsapp, I outed myself to him.... Its horrible to wait, I hope he calls me back soon. I just had to do it now or I would chicken away from it for god knows how long. Fucking hell I'm crying like a baby. I must do this somehow and I don't know anyone better than my brother to tell about it.

I told him family knows nothing that he's the first I'm telling this. Told also that my friends know and are mostly very accepting. Then I asked him to help with telling to mom and asked him to stand by me in this as its so hard to do... And ofc I told him I love him. I miss him so much, its years since we met last time.

Well.... Its done, there's no backing away now. This is it.

[wee2er]

I tried to call my brother but he didn't answer, so I sent him bunch of messages on whatsapp, I outed myself to him.... Its horrible to wait, I hope he calls me back soon. I just had to do it now or I would chicken away from it for god knows how long. Fucking hell I'm crying like a baby. I must do this somehow and I don't know anyone better than my brother to tell about it.

I told him family knows nothing that he's the first I'm telling this. Told also that my friends know and are mostly very accepting. Then I asked him to help with telling to mom and asked him to stand by me in this as its so hard to do... And ofc I told him I love him. I miss him so much, its years since we met last time.

Well.... Its done, there's no backing away now. This is it.

Congratulations DiDi, I'd say that's the best way, be open and honest, that way your brother and family should be accepting.
It wouldn't surprise me if your brother turns around and said something along the lines of 'I'd guessed anyway'
Well done and good luck.

[Heaven's Night]

I L-O-V-E my brother! I knew it! He took it so well. The first thing he asked was if I'll change my name too. I can't believe this, he's so awesome! Took it so well and promised to back me up when needed. He said that heck, it wont change a thing, I don't care if my brother becomes a cat, a bird, a pink elephant or my sister, its the same thing. And he started to call me his sis right away. <3 <3 <3

My heart is melting.... I'm soooo happy right now.

[wee2er]

I L-O-V-E my brother! I knew it! He took it so well. The first thing he asked was if I'll change my name too. I can't believe this, he's so awesome! Took it so well and promised to back me up when needed. He said that heck, it wont change a thing, I don't care if my brother becomes a cat, a bird, a pink elephant or my sister, its the same thing. And he started to call me his sis right away. <3 <3 <3

My heart is melting.... I'm soooo happy right now.

Big hugs and well done, what a fantastic brother, I'm really pleased for you   
Your bro has just gained a sis