[Sonya]

Hi Everyone,

My name is Sonya, after reading lots of posts here, mostly by Lotus, I have decided to start my transition with NBE, this is because I'm expecting that the process is slow enough (compared to pharma HRT) that it won't trigger alarms too soon. My SO does not know about how I feel regarding my gender, and I want to wait some time - 4 years, till our kid starts college - before I break it to her (as I'm 90% certain it will kill the relationship).

My current program is in cycles (3 weeks on, 1 week off), amounts are in mg:

1st Week (Daily):

2000 PM, 1200 WP, 2000 FG, 4000 MSM, 500 Citicoline, 2500 Macca

2nd Week (Daily):

2500 PM, 1200 WP, 2500 FG, 4000 MSM, 500 Citicoline, 2500 Macca

3rd Week (Daily):

3000 PM, 1200 WP, 3000 FG, 4000 MSM, 500 Citicoline, 2500 Macca, 80 Pituitary Glandular

I will post measurements as things develop, but after 1 cycle I'm already noticing my nipples are quite puffy, and there is a small mass forming right beneath them. So I feel the dosage is either too much, or my body just loves the stuff. I will consider posting pictures, but at the moment I don't feel great about them. I cannot shave my chest and it looks hideous to me.

Hugs,
Sonya

[Sonya]

Just adding the starting measurements, i.e.: pre NBE

Height: 170cm (5feet 7inches)

Weight: 66.4 Kg (146 pounds)

Over bust: 96 cm

Under bust: 92 cm

Waist: 88 cm

Hips: 98 cm

Waist/Hip ratio: 0.89

[Sonya]

It pains me to say that it looks like I'm going to have to stop the program. After only 1 cycle my wife said to me last night "honey, you're growing tits", which one side I loved to hear, but It means it works way better than I ever expected. So, given I'm currently at the end of week 2 of the second cycle, I'll finish the cycle and stop. At least, until I feel I can tell her how I feel.

[Nipply Russel]

It pains me to say that it looks like I'm going to have to stop the program. After only 1 cycle my wife said to me last night "honey, you're growing tits", which one side I loved to hear, but It means it works way better than I ever expected. So, given I'm currently at the end of week 2 of the second cycle, I'll finish the cycle and stop. At least, until I feel I can tell her how I feel.

I'm sorry to hear that you have to end your program. I'm in a similar boat. I have no idea whether or not my desire to grow breasts/feminize my body will end my relationship, but I'm afraid to find out. Beware: the desire to do this will try hard to pull you back in; you might not be able to stop.

[Demon Lord Etna]

Wow, and I thought MY growth was fast.  If your wife is noticing the change and you're only one cycle through, that's practically a miracle.  I'm not a religious person, but I think a divine being may actually have commanded you to grow breasts.  You should probably continue to avoid incurring it's wrath.

[Sonya]

I've been reading these forums for quite a while. So I believe what I'm going through is nothing new; as stated in previous posts, I stopped my program about a year ago. Tried to convince myself that this is just a kink, a fantasy in my head, this line of thought has been fueled by the fact that my desire for a female body has been linked to sex and porn mostly.

Putting things into context, I did have a brief (2-3 years) period (15-18 ish) when I was obsessed with becoming a woman, I started wearing panties and lingerie under my jeans, having my whole body wax epilated; I even came out to my mother - "hi mom, I think I'm trans" - and went to 1 session with a psycologist who knew next to nothing about transgender issues.

However, the relationship with my mother was so toxic that it eclypsed any gender issues I had at the time, and it wasn't after she passed away in 2011, and I had 4 years of therapy that questions about my gender surfaced again.

By this point I was 36 and had had very few relationships with the oposite sex, but I had already stated to notice a worrying trend. While I enjoyed the companionship, I felt little to nothing when having sex with women. Moreover, I realised that when I was watching porn, I was getting off of imagining becoming her, and being her, wearing the sexy lingerie etc...

At the end of 2016 I met an amazing woman, with whom I live now, and despite how little sex we have, the relationship is amazing, I wouldn't change it for the world, but I cannot deny how I feel inside, even though I know that telling her about this is likely to kill the relationship.

So I'm restarting the program (with changes) because It makes me feel incredibly excited, and because I'm now 40, and life is to short to die wondering "what if". We'll see where this ends, but here I am, back again.

BTW, my new program is a simplified version of the old one:

Daily (3 week loops, i.e: 3 weeks on, 1 week off)

PM: 1500 mg

Reishi: 890 mg

WP: 1200 mg

MSM: 4000 mg

Macca: 2500 mg

Centrum MV for women.

[eve_phedrina]

Welcome back and good luck with the new program.

[Nipply Russel]

You sound like me. Exactly like me. I'm not trying to put any labels on you, but watching porn and wishing you were the woman? Many call that gender dysphoria. Thinking about/wishing you could be a woman all the time? Gender dysphoria. Feeling like you're making a mistake and it's all wrong immediately after orgasm? That's because the dysphoria goes away for a few minutes because of the feel-good chemicals your body has released ("euphoria"). I could go on.

This might help:
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/impostor-syndrome

Love,
Morpheus

[Manue]

You sound like me. Exactly like me. I'm not trying to put any labels on you, but watching porn and wishing you were the woman? Many call that gender dysphoria. Thinking about/wishing you could be a woman all the time? Gender dysphoria. Feeling like you're making a mistake and it's all wrong immediately after orgasm? That's because the dysphoria goes away for a few minutes because of the feel-good chemicals your body has released ("euphoria"). I could go on.

This might help:
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/impostor-syndrome

Love,
Morpheus

Interesting read,

I believe the impostor syndrome applies to any individual in general. We are thought during our young life to repress dreams, ambitions and everything that makes us an individual for the sake of the collective and adulthood. So we end up in a matrix that if you make a foundational change you will be cast away by relatives who don't want their matrix disrupted either. Thus repressing who we are as persons and ending up living as frauds. The fear, IMO, is just the unacceptance that we are not living to our full potential.

[Sonya]

You sound like me. Exactly like me. I'm not trying to put any labels on you, but watching porn and wishing you were the woman? Many call that gender dysphoria. Thinking about/wishing you could be a woman all the time? Gender dysphoria. Feeling like you're making a mistake and it's all wrong immediately after orgasm? That's because the dysphoria goes away for a few minutes because of the feel-good chemicals your body has released ("euphoria"). I could go on.

This might help:
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/impostor-syndrome

Love,
Morpheus

OMG!, you just oppened Pandora's box with those links!. I felt so identified with much of what was written!. For so long I've sort of been waiting for "someone"  to "certify" me 100% trans. I mean,  there is a lot to unpack; right now my gender euphoria is to tied to sex, that it's no wonder it's taken me so long to realize "it's not just a kink".

There's a lot to read on that site, so I'll take it easy - or at least try " alt="" title="">  - I could write much more about what/how I've felt so far,but right now it feels like a firehose, so I probably wouldn't write anything remotely coherent. In the mean time I will continue with the program and see where it leads. Thank you so much Nipply!!