[Jessica17]

Hello all.  This has been a crazy-ass week.  Just started on PM again for the 4th time in 9 years or so.  I just can't get away from wanting to grow bigger breasts.  Mine were initially grown on estradiol patches sourced with prescription during a 5-6 month period in 2010, so with PM I'm wanting to improve what's already there.  I've never managed to stay on it for more than 2-3 months at a time in the past however, due to various reasons.

I did one 500mg ainterol to start a week ago, then went to 1000mg the next day (AM/PM doses), and also added a red reishi pill at night (only 500mg, probably not enough to do much of anything?).  As of last night, I am now doing 500mg PM 3x/day, and 2x 500mg RR before bed.  I also received an order with progesterone, DHEA, and Bi-est creams.  So applied those last night (none to my breasts themselves).  Here are pictures of what I'm starting with.

Oh, and I came out to myself as transfemme on Tuesday last week, and today with my wife (didn't go nearly as well as I had hoped - she asserts that she is bisexuality, but that she wouldn't find me attractive as a woman due to my large stature [6'5", 280lbs at present].  And also today later in the morning I came out to my female cousin I was mist counting on - and she, if anything, was even more supportive than I could have hoped for.

I haven't attached photos before here, so hopefully I can it out.  Dammit, they're too big (that's what she said).  I'll have to do it later when doing on my phone.

Jessica

[Heaven's Night]

Congratulations Jessica. I know the struggle with height and over all size, I'm not as tall and big as you, but enough to stand out from the crowd by it, there are women in Finland who are both or either taller and heavier than I am so I'm not totally unique, but still it hurts and it does make things harder, passing is harder after certain point and I'm luckily just on the threashold of just a "big woman" but not considered a giant. But then again I know a lady who's absolutely huge, towering over everybody at 6'5" or so and she's very sturdy built, otherwise as normal as cis woman gets and very pretty, but people tend to remember her for her towering height and being over all just extremely big. She's very intimidating to a lot of men who are dwarfed by her.

So don't let your size bother you, do what is the right thing. Its not an easy spot especially for a trans woman but you got to rock what you got. What's ylur plan, keep going the NBE route for now or are you considering conventional HRT?

Anyway, congratz girl, its a rough spot to be, but also very rewarding.

[DruLactin]

Hey there, I'm 6'5", and while my stature is certainly clockable i don't think its irreparably unfeminine (look at my thread if you want to decide for yourself). obviously everyone has different statures but muscle and fat can be diminished. I have a trans friend who used to be huge, mid-to-high 200s in weight, and now she's a petite 155. That took grit and determination, but its possible.

This isn't me trying to convince you to transition or not, but i encourage you to disregard the people assured that you will never look nice. Hard work, determination, and a good deal of luck, and you just might look amazing.

-Aria

[Amy]

Hi Jessica

I found myself that once I got going with some PM that I actually lost some height. I am not sure if every one has had this happen to them, but I can only pass along what happened to me. Your height "May" come down a bit.
Once your Breasts bud and get growing you will feel much more fem.

[Jessica17]

Thank you all for your encouraging words.  I have learned so many surprising things in the last week, and I was far from totally ignorant.  But I found out about that possible height loss (1-2 inches), which I had never heard of, and possibly your foot size decreasing some (due to the arch increasing for some reason?).  And also various vocal surgery feminization  techniques (some appear better than others, but the latest procedures seem to be very impressive).  Those all combined to make me think - maybe it IS actually possible to transition in a satisfactory way.  I obviously don't yet know if that is for me, but I'm not rejecting it outright - which is what I did before 10+ years ago.

I didn't get a chance to mess with my photos yesterday, but hopefully this evening.

Jessica

[Jessica17]

Sorry Didi, I neglected to address your question.  Just NBE for now.  I'm waiting to hear back from a therapist for an initial consultation.  Then sessions with her or someone else if we're not a good match.  

When I go through everything in my mind, my lifetime and intimacy struggles, shame, guilt - various childhood memories/interactions, it all seems to add up.  But I still feel like I could just be mind-fucking myself.  But at least I definitely realized that I need professional help with this.  I've NEVER had any sort of counseling before, so accepting that alone is progress.

Oh yeah, I also have a Noogleberry system ordered, but it's still pending for a week+ due not having the Large Contoured Airlock domes in stock yet.  I figured the contoured were the "best", but I think I read somewhere that they were not as comfortable?  I did also order the silicon cup rings to aid comfort.

Jessica

[Heaven's Night]

[unnecessary quoting removed]























Good idea to dig into this as it seems quite serious. I always encourage self searching and figuring stuff out, its much better to go all into it and find out what to do or not do. Its much better than forever wondering what if or having regrets of not acting early enough. Like for myself, had I had better information and courage to look into it, I would have transitioned already ages ago as I did suspect and wonder for the longest time. It would have saved me from a lot of pain later, so therapist and all this pondering online etc. is the best thing you can do.

Actually I strongly advocate for round domes because the edges are far better on them, but this I think is a personal preference. For me contoured domes were extremely painful in the end because I have so much subcutaneous fat all over me, I'm a big softie, so the edges dug in and caused a lot of pain, rounded ones are way more comfy. I haven't tried the cup rings, the silicone ones are said to be the best, the wide fome rings are garbage. Anything to softed the edges is wonderful if you can get some, especially if you plan to push in serious hours on it.

[nuwomyn101]

Sounds like you're off to the races!  How did you manage to get a prescription for the patches then but not have one now?  I'd think the patches would be more effective than the herbal route.

[Jessica17]

   

Okay, I think I finally got something figured out.  These are all pics of my status as of the last 2 weeks.

I swore I wrote an answer regarding the patches already, but I'm not seeing it...  anyhow, I never had a prescription.  That's why I referred to it as "self-administered".

-Jess