17-03-2024, 12:16 AM
I'm thinking that forum members are viewing this as your Personal Journal, to track your progress and look back upon it, not as their place to make comments.
You are a good writer, IMO a very good writer, but I'm guessing that people these days just want to hear the highlights. You know... TLDR?
I can totally relate to your dysphoria.
Way back when I used to consider transitioning, I realized that I would never be happy doing so. I would never be able to achieve my desired image. I will always have wide shoulders and narrow hips. My head will always be too big. Most wigs are too small and squeeze my head to death.
My cough, sneeze and clearing my throat will always give me away. On top of all that, I have a masculine psychology. I don't want to menstruate or have a baby. I don't want a husband. I don't have any feminine interests other than the makeup, clothing and looking like a woman. It became obvious to me that I am a crossdresser, at best. However, as a crossdresser, I have always abhorred fake boobs, butt pads, etc. Yes, I know real women use them all the time but it's just not for me. That's why I started growing my breasts and butt. I wanted to be as real as possible.
BO has grown my boobs to my desired size, not too big, around a good A cup, I guess. BO added quite a bit of padding to my butt, which I desperately needed. However, there were some definite trade-offs. Real serious ones. First, it flattened me emotionally. My emotions are more even, far fewer highs and lows, yet I cry so easily at any sentimental thing. I have far fewer sexual thoughts and when I get them, erections are difficult to get and maintain. Sperm production is almost nil (I don't care about that though). I have lost almost all interest in crossdressing. I worry that BO will continue to change me and I may get to the point where I cannot get an erection or cum at all... and I think that's where I am heading. What is the point of doing this if I cannot get any sexual satisfaction from it? In a way it has been like chemical castration.
I don't think that it works like this for everyone. I think that I am an outlier or oddity. My changes came so fast, with only three doses. I wonder if a quick response like mine, verses a slow response like many others on this forum, is any kind of predictor of negative long term effects. There is still a lot to learn about BO.
Karen
You are a good writer, IMO a very good writer, but I'm guessing that people these days just want to hear the highlights. You know... TLDR?
I can totally relate to your dysphoria.
Way back when I used to consider transitioning, I realized that I would never be happy doing so. I would never be able to achieve my desired image. I will always have wide shoulders and narrow hips. My head will always be too big. Most wigs are too small and squeeze my head to death.
My cough, sneeze and clearing my throat will always give me away. On top of all that, I have a masculine psychology. I don't want to menstruate or have a baby. I don't want a husband. I don't have any feminine interests other than the makeup, clothing and looking like a woman. It became obvious to me that I am a crossdresser, at best. However, as a crossdresser, I have always abhorred fake boobs, butt pads, etc. Yes, I know real women use them all the time but it's just not for me. That's why I started growing my breasts and butt. I wanted to be as real as possible. BO has grown my boobs to my desired size, not too big, around a good A cup, I guess. BO added quite a bit of padding to my butt, which I desperately needed. However, there were some definite trade-offs. Real serious ones. First, it flattened me emotionally. My emotions are more even, far fewer highs and lows, yet I cry so easily at any sentimental thing. I have far fewer sexual thoughts and when I get them, erections are difficult to get and maintain. Sperm production is almost nil (I don't care about that though). I have lost almost all interest in crossdressing. I worry that BO will continue to change me and I may get to the point where I cannot get an erection or cum at all... and I think that's where I am heading. What is the point of doing this if I cannot get any sexual satisfaction from it? In a way it has been like chemical castration.
I don't think that it works like this for everyone. I think that I am an outlier or oddity. My changes came so fast, with only three doses. I wonder if a quick response like mine, verses a slow response like many others on this forum, is any kind of predictor of negative long term effects. There is still a lot to learn about BO.
Karen
