[IanW55]

Part Twelve Gender Dysphoria (GD) Will be in parts.

This might be controversial, some may disagree, this is about Gender Dysphoria there has been many articles written, I am sure most of you have or are experiencing some form of it.

I will explain what I now believe is GD, during my session, we did not discuss my issues as Claire wanted to try to get me to understand what GD is. I will say that it was a long and deep session, I have left a lot out, but what you will now read is it has really opened my eyes, has it answered many of my questions not yet.

Sorry if this might be boring to you but this may be a vital tool in trying to explain what some of you may be going through and the ignorance of the world.

C: What do you know about gender dysphoria and its complexity. M: Only what I have read and seen in the news.

C: Let me explain about GD, this is a medical condition not an illness, this medical issue alters one’s behaviour in thought and deed which many find difficult to accept, again there is no cure but why should there be it is not an illness.

For years we have been brainwashed that there is only male or female, no matter our own feelings or confusion, anything else we should question it. So where does GD sit in today’s modern world, in truth it does not, but as we are now a more liberal society, we are slowly coming to terms with it, as we are lose our bias, we are now starting to understand what it means.

Gender dysphoria, it is defined by severe or persistent distress associated with an incongruence between one's gender identity and biological sex. It is estimated that 25 million people worldwide identify as transgender. That is a huge amount of people that religion politicians and science cannot hide or refute, 25 million people cannot be wrong.

What is Gender Dysphoria, quite simply put, it is an event within our body caused by hormones, occasionally the hormones that trigger the development of biological sexes may not work properly on the brain or reproductive organs and genitalia causing differences between them? this may be caused by additional hormones in the mother’s system, possibly caused by an underline medical condition or poor diet.

There maybe a chromosomal abnormality that may begin at the age of four, but can lay dormant for many years, then due to age chemical changes can trigger it to manifest itself due to lowering of the hormones within the body as it has in your case, but we will come to that later.

There are many symptoms of GD, the list is endless. Some symptoms of GD are Distress, Anxiety, Depression, Negative Self-Image Strong Dislike of your sexual anatomy, preference to toys of the opposite gender, again some of these symptoms we have already associated with during your previous visits.

Why are transgender people hated well, its very simple and as I tell most of my clients it comes from our initial evolution that even today, we have not evolved that much.

The primitive monkey brain that humans have reacts badly to things that don't compute or are different.
As transgender you are different, you don't fit in the traditional boxes, it doesn't compute for them, they react out of fear, in society that fear takes the form of denial that you exist.
Denial of rights to try and shut you down, including your right to exist.
Denial of visibility, if they don't see you their reality doesn't feel threatened, other reactionary tactics to recruit others to their cause and thus increase their own sense of personal security, such as labelling you a general threat to society, a threat to children, a threat to morals.

This is a general appeal to emotion and hate, but hate is also born out of ignorance and fear of the unknown and their willingness to grow out of their primitive ignorance. This is why education is important, but it's also the thing that that initial fear stops them from gaining, thus forming an intellectual rut that it takes courage to get out of.

There are thousands of transgender people going through this hate and denial, even now they are having difficult times with the legal side, politicians the medical fraternity even down to the workplace and sadly in our schools, again caused by ignorance.

In the next session I will explore your GD and what may possibly be the root cause and how I will help you overcome your concerns.

[Lotus]

Hi Ian, C stated the transgender global population is 25 million, putting that in context, that's the size  (roughly) of Australia, or the US state of Florida. Take care, thank you for being fearless in posting your story. 

[IanW55]

Part Thirteen Gender Dysphoria (GD)

In the last session I tried to set the scene probably wrongly about how GD is described and how the world sees it, I know it was probably heavy and boring for that I am sorry.

Now I go down the rabbit hole, should I have taken the Red pill or the Blue (Matrix) some of you will say yes that this makes sense, some will not. It is very deeply personal, I have struggled to tell you, in some parts I nearly didn’t, the session made me look inside myself, it was very emotional, I will admit some parts of it I could not hold my emotions back.

C: Again, Ian if any of this gets difficult, we can stop because I will be asking you very deep personal question, these questions will help you form a basis of what and who you are..

C: In one of our earlier sessions, you said that you went through puberty very late in life, can you remember anything before that event. M: what do you mean C: What was it like at school, you mentioned that you were bullied, and the changing rooms were difficult, can you expand on that time of your life. for example, how were you treated and by who, how did it effect you mentally.

M: I had a difficult upbringing by parents who to honest were really clueless, my parents were married in October 1953, and I appeared in January 1955, I said before I believe that it was oops moment, I am pregnant, they were married for 6 months then she was pregnant, suppose there is nothing wrong with that, but you don’t know my parents.

When I was born, for nearly 72 hours they did not know what sex I was, I never really got to the bottom of that, though today I know what was wrong, my penis was inverted and not fully formed. As I said within the first year, they had to carry out an emergency circumcision, along with everything else left me with a messed-up penis. I never really understood until I went to senior school aged 11,.

C: Ok that’s fine, let’s go to point where you say never understood until senior school, what made you realise that.

M: I was so naïve and innocent I did not know about life, it was probably when I was 12 in year 2 did it first start, I remember being called sissy, queer boy, (in those days the word gay was happy not as it is used today). Today I understood, I was very effeminate in my appearance and a little on the plump side, also I had small boobs because my body was fighting, my hormones were out of order which then led to ridicule and that is probably the start of my abuse.

C: You said you looked effeminate, what do you mean.

M: Well from photographs I looked girly with long eye lashes and eyebrows that looked female as my mother said one day, we were looking at photos, I was 21 and home on leave and there were family relations there. You looked a nice, sweet boy, I had to excuse myself and get some air.

I was 13 it started, I was forced to wear some of my mother’s clothes and perform sex acts, it was vile and sickening, when I passed a certain house where one of my abusers lived, I was made to go inside. I was forced to wear his older sisters clothing, including bras and knickers then carry out sex acts. Once I refused, I was battered, when I got home my mother asked what happened, Oh I had another fight, nothing was done about it, I was ashamed and could not turn to anyone for help.

One of the many episodes really messed me up, it was school holidays and I loved the outdoors, I was in our local park one day just roaming through the woods when I came across two of my abusers, I was petrified, they made me strip and do things to them, fortunately something spooked them and off they went, I just sat there sobbing, at that point I was close to ending it all.

I have stop there, even now it hard to tell you this.

[huckleberrywine]

You're very brave for sharing your story, Ian. Hugs my friend. 

Huck

[notveryinteresting]

Brave some how doesn't seem a strong enough word but it will have to do, I hope telling your story helps you.
Hugs
D x

[IanW55]

Hello, After the last session on here I had a bit of a relapse, but over it now, I will post the next session in the next few days.
Love to all

[IanW55]

Well as promised.

Part Fourteen Gender Dysphoria (GD)

I had to end the last session with Claire and telling you on here, I was a mess.

The session began Claire asked me how did I deal with the park incident, can I talk about it.

M: I have no idea what time it was, I got dressed and went home, my parents work shifts, I nearly always go to home to an empty house, I wanted to end it, but I did not know how to do that, don’t forget we were still using dial up phones the internet had not been invented.

C: Remind me how did you cope with puberty. M: I did not know what was going on because I was a very Naive boy, my first orgasm was in bed, I bled which I believe is not normal though does sometimes happen, I could not speak to anyone about it. Also, one night I was soaking wet through, my bed sheets were soaking, I so frightened I dried my sheets in front of the fire in the living room when everyone was asleep in bed.

C: Can we move on to your desire to grow breasts and when did that first enter your head.

M: I cannot remember when it started, I have always admired the female form, and everything about it, just looking at a beautiful woman or seeing a woman showing her figure often aroused me, not in a perverted way, I just loved the female shape, I cannot really explain why.

M: I used to live in Cyprus, one day I was at a local party with friends one of the guests was a lovely transgender woman, we got to know her well, she was living with a CIS woman. One day we were at her house in the pool, she said to my wife, does your husband have a problem, it looks as though he has the onset of Gynecomastia. Wife did not understand so it was explained to her. I just dismissed it because from being young I have always had had man boobs, when I was in the Army it was mainly muscle. it soon became more noticeable as I got older, `

In 2018 we had to come back to the UK, nothing was said about till recently in 2021 I had some routine blood tests, it was discovered that I have a hormone imbalance my Testosterone is very low, and my Oestrogen levels are high. There were other symptoms like loss of libido and ejection problems, NHS won’t do anything about it because of my age, I have to live with it.

C: Does that bother you. M: Yes, it does because even though I am rubbish at sex I still like to feel and enjoy an orgasm, now the wife will not entertain me, in the past she used to help me by masturbation now that does not happen.
C: Can you not satisfy yourself. M: No, I need more than that, I find it off putting and I get no pleasure, I need stimulation.
C: But you have not really explained why you want breasts.
M: It has grown on me, I sit in my study and feel I need to have breasts, I have self-medicated and tried different methods, but it is slow, there is some slight growth. I belong to a forum and a couple of the members say I must take it slowly, my trouble I am impatient.
C: What does your wife think of this. M: She knows it’s a medical problem and supports me, well sort of, I don’t think she fully understands, that is another story and I do not want talk about it.
M: As time goes on, I really want breasts and it is chewing away at me, I feel if I could just take one pill then have breasts, I would be happy.

C: Ok we will stop there, I am going to give you two web sites for you to look at, they are online transgender test sites, they are self-explanatory, I would like you to do these tests and record the results. Please have an open mind and do not cheat only do it the once on both sites, it is a guideline and it will help, so do not met upset.

I have a friend who is a doctor, I am going to consult him, but I feel that because of your past history and now hormone issues you may have slight transgender tendencies.

We will discuss the results and dig into this at your next session.

The two sites are,

www.psycom.net/adult-gender-dysphoria-test

www.mind-diagnostics.org/gender-dysphoria-test

Click on links - I think you might be surprised.

The next session stunned me, all I can say it left me speechless

[IanW55]

Part Fifteen Gender Dysphoria (GD)

Prior to my next session Claire rang and told me she has been discussing my case with a friend who is a consultant at our local hospital, do I have copies of my blood tests? if I had would I be willing to send her a copy of them, then she could show them to him Doctor T: I agreed.

My appointment was deferred for a week so that they could both look at the results and confer.

I attended the next session and was a little unsure how this was going to go, because in my opinion I had exhausted the subject and talked about it until there was nothing more to say.

Note Her doctor friend will be referred to as Dr T:

C: Before we begin, the online tests you completed are only a guideline, they must be supported by other clinical means for example sessions like this and where possible blood tests.

C: Based our sessions and these results, I am not really surprised that you are definitely showing signs of Gender Dysphoria, but Dr T, cannot really confirm this because of your intake of various concoctions of herbs and HRT. But he also believes that since you had issues at birth and reading my notes, he thinks you are definitely showing significant changes to your endocrine system. Dr T says your blood results clearly show they are in the female range,

Breast growth is occurring due to your hormone abnormality, your age plays a big part because as you get older your testosterone levels drop, in his opinion, your issues at birth never really went away, as you eventually hit puberty your testosterone levels went up which eased the difficulty of the late puberty and masked the symptoms of your other issues. He also says that as you are now nearly 70 the Testosterone levels have dropped and the Oestrogen levels are now rising, hence the development of breast as to your desire for breasts.

In his opinion that possibly at birth you were intersexed in that your XY chromosome were abnormal, he also believes that you might have developed a mild form of Klinefelter syndrome, but he thinks that may be unlikely, but without further tests this cannot be confirmed, the tests are very expensive, and he doubts that the NHS will fund this.

He did say that he has treated other patients with Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT) but due to your age there are many risks involved, because of that you are not a suitable candidate.

C: Can you get GD in later life as in your case, well absolutely, the diagnosis of GD in adolescents and adults can occur at any age, those who experience GD in later life often say they have had secretly hidden their feelings from others when they were younger.

What causes it no one knows but I believe that as in your case your hormones have caused this event, in my opinion you fall into the bracket what is called “Intergender”. This is not to be confused with other labels like Non-Binary or Genderqueer, those are different, what we must now do is help you decide what is it you want out of life.

It was explained, it would take too long on here so tell you so please GOOGLE INTERGENDER

C: If you decided to be intergender, you must be honest with yourself, you must talk to your family, should your desire for breasts become so strong and you do go down that path then you need clinical help, self-medication is highly dangerous.

C: My assessment of you is do not wish to transgender but live a life of an intergender, which fine but that is a problem within itself because there are those in society cannot accept this and you will certainly face social problems

We will leave it here and I want you to go away and consider your options, should you do need to continue then you will need help to deal with those who will verbally abuse you and the those who sneer at you and the gawkers.

There are many ways to deal with them without drawing conflict, this will be discussed at your next session.

I would like to see you in 2 weeks’ time as I believe that you need calm and time to reflect on our sessions and think.

[notveryinteresting]

Wow, there is some food for thought, Ian I can't thank you enough for being so brave to open up like this.
Dx

[IanW55]

Hello, Sorry for the delay elling you what happens next, my reason for this I wanted to think about how to put it into words, I will do this over the next few days, but before i do I need to post this.

I as I explained there were links to sites that I will not list because it was really about me and if I started to list them you will not understand because what I have told you so far is a short of version.

Now that said I do not know if anyone on here has seen this chart showing the decline of male testosterone levels as we age, if you have then fair enough. As I fall into the nearly 70 bracket then my T is very low, also add that to my problems  my T is virtuallly non existant, I hav ejust had bloods done when the results are back it will be interesting.
Anyway have a look at this.

Note, If Lotus (sage of this forum) sees this she may be able to explain it properly, bit out of my depth on this one.