Part Sixteen Gender Dysphoria (GD)
Well, this is my last post on this subject, it has been very tough, a lot of tears have been shed and pain from deep dark places, skeletons have come out of the cupboard to haunt me again, but I believe that I haveunder control.
I am a little wiser, Claire gave me loads of information, links to sites and handouts (forgot to mention that). But I do know one thing I believe Claire is correct in her diagnosis in that I am more Intergender than being one or the other if that makes sense.
C: How are you feeling about our last session, do you feel calmer. M: I now believe with what you and Dr T: have told I think I am just a man that wants breasts, how that has come about is still a mystery, but I have learnt a lot.
C: After you last session we both discussed your case in greater detail, Dr T: is still of a mind that it stems from your youth, but without further tests called Karyotyping Chromosome tests , which are very expensive then no definitive diagnosis can be made. He also says that your hormone imbalance is also playing a significant role in your thought process which I confer, this is a leading factor in your case.
I gave you a handout showing the decline of Testosterone by age it is only an indication a guide of what it may look like, but as he said your tests results show levels below that range. Every person’s levels are different as we discussed yours could have been higher but as it stands yours is lower, this will play a part in your reasoning and your cognitive behaviour.
C: Have you talked it over with you wife and family, if you have what was their reaction.
M: I will start with my daughter who has been a nurse for over 25 years, she says it is a medical condition, whatever you decide I will support you, no matter what you look like, inside you are my dad, I found this very moving.
As for my wife, she is 66, she finds this strange and does not fully understand, she knows I have a problem and does not know how to help. Ironically, she says if I fully transgender then the marriage ends there and then, but she also does not want me walking around with massive boobs.
C: Ok how do you feel about that.
M: Not sure but my instincts tell me just get on with it and let fate decide, if I do feel the that I want to go all in then she has a decision, its not what I want but life is life, I am nearly 70 and I do not know how long I have got on this planet, I want the remaining years to be content.
C: Have you come to a decision yet as you say time is against you or are you still unsure.
M: Yes, I am going to grow breasts, I have been in touch with an organisation who will help me
C: At this moment you just want to be intergender, I am glad that you are using a recognised organisation to help you, doing it yourself is fraught with danger. Who are you getting help from.
M: I told Claire what it entails and who they are, if you are interested then please google
https://www.edennew.life
They have been very informative and extremely helpful, I feel very confident that they understand my needs, but only time will tell.
C: Now how do you cope with those who will obviously stare or ridicule you, this will be very difficult for you as I found that as you have got older you have become more sensitive so let’s take it one step at a time. There is no right way or wrong way, but you must never put yourself be confrontational situation to do so will bring more abuse and the situation could escalate to a point of violence.
Gawkers, look at them and smile, they tend to look away and feel awkward with themselves, never say to them have you got a problem, that is a direct threat and you do not want that.
Smile and nod in their direction, smiling, more often than not has a disarming effect. Say hello and ask them can I help you, that also calms things down, don’t say have you got a problem that is confrontational.
Trans abuse, If someone is confronting you, just come out and tell them, yes, I am a transgender person, and I am proud of it. They normally will back off, but if they don’t then ask them do you understand what it means, I am more than happy to talk to you.
C: As we discussed in previous sessions the average brain is still primitive and that brain needs knowledge, the key is not to allow yourself to get visibly upset like the school bully, you need to smile and think one day they will understand.
The only difference is the fool and bigot who will not let it go, if possible, surround yourself with other people who might assist you, go into a shop or a place where there are other people and ask them to ring the police.
Whatever you do not get it into your head that you are at fault, you are a person who like everyone else deserves respect, remember we talked about body dysmorphia, look in the mirror and be proud of your achievement.
You may feel depressed, may I suggest you join a local LGBT group who like you may be going through or have been through what you are going through, the community will certainly give you sound valuable advice based on their experiences.
I hope that I have not bored you, the sessions have been a great help and helped me decide about going ahead with breast growth but under medical supervision.
Stay safe
Ian
