[CM213]

I am sorry for everyone feeling and experiencing all these things. Our world and society really sucks most of the time. I feel that as a species we have done so much unthinkable damage to everything on this planet not just environmental, but everything animals and even other humans. I wish everyone could just have a reset on how they think, and everyone love and accept everyone else. The kind of ultimate understanding of the universe, only those who have near death experiences feel. Becoming one with the universe or the higher source. So to speak. 

Most days I feel we as humans don't deserve to exist anymore with all the nasty hateful things we do to everyone, animals and our planet on a daily basis. I feel as time goes on that evil has taken hold over the world and is a constant influence on everyone. It's truly sad. 

I took have felt like I don't belong anywhere. Too early in my questioning phase to be accepted by trans community forums and discords, but obviously not fitting in with non trans community either... 

My heart really does hurt for you Hello Didi, as well as for everyone else here. I hope things get better for you all.

[Heaven's Night]

Its kinda crazy that I don't fit in with any trans community either. I have no community... I relate most to the very few who are also intersex, and with some who hold old school somewhat trans medicalist type thinking with what makes us tick. Also anyone hypersexual feels repulsive to me. Transition has changed me quite a lot, I've become almost asexual and my feminine thought patterns have become way stronger than before.

This is why I have so few friends, most of those who have stuck up with me share a very similar background and worldview and so on. Interestingly, several have intersex conditions which has been crazy twist of fate that I end up befriending those whos experience with body weirdness is similar.

Just some days ago something happened with a cis female "friend" I thought was a good close friend too, I was so wrong about her. I commented a dumb meme she had posted in a sarcastic manner as it was just too stupid to ignore. She took offense and went into some weird "debate" about climate issues and trying to draw something political into it. It ended up with her going personal and insulting me, firstly she made assumptions about my political views which I've never talked with her as I normally don't want to mention any of that, then she questioned my womanhood in such arrogant and belittling way. It was blatant transphobia and some what she said seemed like internalised misogyny too. She took her sweet time to post that reply so it was thought out in a way that what ever would insult me the most... It was quite well thought out reply, how to hurt a transsex woman with something, of course, attack her likely fragile femininity as that's where she most like has insecurity. How convenient huh?

Its only making it obvious how cis gender people are VERY OFTEN transphobic while being surface level accepting, or should I say "tolerant" instead. Most people will never accept the fact that I am a woman. I wont ever be a woman to them, but some freakshow. Third sex, non binary something or what ever. And they're absolutely ready to let their trasnphobia reign the moment they feel threatened somehow as that's the easiest way to bully a trans person.

I belong nowhere, even cis women hate me. Even those who put up a years long facade of friendship. I'm not a woman to them. I think in the end I can count my true friends with my fingers and probably count them all before reaching ten.

[Teddy]

 .....  she questioned my womanhood in such arrogant and belittling way. It was blatant transphobia and some what she said seemed like internalised misogyny too.  ....

DiDi, I am very sorry to read what you have experienced. Maybe I'm not at all qualified to say much regarding your "born-with-vulva" (ex) friends. However, that person in question is behaving disgusting way and definitely isn't a friend. Form me and so many others you are a really beautiful lady. No reservations in that statement.

I took that little quotation from your writing because it describes her more than enough. She is likely very insecure regarding her own personality and womanhood, and she has no manners, either. At least her mask was falling, using words Finland's previous president said in another context.

Believe me, I have built in my mind a quite clear picture of you as a person and a personality based on your writing here and our little chat in Discord: You are a combination of very sensitive, but at the same time also in your core a strong woman. This kind of B.S. you have had and have to experience also in future will for sure hurt, but you will make through it and get new and better friends. True friends which are not insulting you but supporting you. Already now I feel in my heart that you are my newfound little sister in Finland, whom I admire.

Hugs, a lot of hugs
Teddy

[Heaven's Night]

Thank Teddy.

What this person said was "wow, you're so much more of a woman than any others out there". That was said in a belittling manner, as in being a woman = being a whiny hysterical snowflake. She said also "hormones have sure messed you up" and "get off your period rage." And then she implied me being a "green-leftist snowflake" because I was whining about non issues. I guess climate change and pollution are "non issues" to this person and talking about them makes someone politically loaded woke tankie or something.

True colours and all that. I know for a fact this type of attitude is very common to cis people who don't understand and are unwilling to learn, surface level acceptance which is more like tolerance. They are often actually transphobic and have other biases for other minority groups too. There's a clear divide around millenials being 50/50 accepting, younger people are usually far better at it and older people way more stiff and stuck up in their ways. I really wish world would change with time when the old bigoted ideas die out and hopefully young people wont pick it all up and actually turn out smarter.

No hateful closeminded crap will ever make us non existent anyway. We're not going away.

More I see this stuff, more convinced I am that my way is to stealth as much as possible. No one needs to know about my past, only those few who become close do. It hurts to know how people talk, I must have been outed endless times because people can't just shut up even if I ask them to. If I could, I would absolutely do the old fashion thing and completely rewrite my entire life. That's the only way to have actual peace of mind and no discrimination.