Good morning.
Thanks everybody for such positive comments, its really uplifting. ^_^ Ninja, they don't because I don't go out in such situations. But men stare, a lot. I'm quite sure if I went to bars and clubs, I would likely get attention... Not that I would want it much. Myboobs, yea, things have changes dramatically since two or three years back. Its interesting to notice how different I look with makeup on because its telling. It didn't use to work this well in past and that's facial changes that does it and better skin to paint on.
I took a while to reply as yesterday was horrible. Worst day I've had for a while. Remember the blood test I had to take for the hormone clinic? I have tried it now three times within a month and it just does not work. Same thing happened each time, first my veins run off and disappear somehow and then we barely get any blood drawn and I faint, almost passing completely out. Yesterday was the worst. We got one vial if seven done and I had to ask to stop because I was barely conscious. Next moment I would have passed out and rolled on the floor or something, nurses were super nice with me, they helped me to lie down for a while, asked if we should try again while I lie down but I asked to do it another time.
I felt so pathetic and humiliated. Embarrassed. This is not fear of needles, nor fear of blood tests. I have quite high pain tolerance and blood test needle is like a mosquito sting, I don't flinch a bit from it. Its nothing compared to lipo sculpting needles which hurt a lot even through anesthetic. And yet I can't just do a simple blood sample without fuckign fainting! And my veins disappearing, what does it?
I had drank about two pints of water yesterday morning, I had taken a sedative to feel as calm as I could, I had decent sleep before, I had eaten breakfast so no low blood sugar either. I shouldn't have super low blood pressure either as there's no symptoms. What the heck does it? I'm quite sure its physiological reason behind this, or that there's some weird trauma response type thing there somehow. I just don't understand it because it has happened three times in a row no matter how I psych myself up for it. Its nothing, I've had countless blood samples drawn from me, especially when I was kid when they did the old fashioned asthma controls which needed a truckload of HUGE old school vials of blood. And yet somehow now I can't do it.
The thing is, I will not get a single prescription, zero help if I can't provide them with blood samples to screen my levels. What does it matter as I've gotten everything on my own already.... Money does because I'm broke almost all the time and HRT is costly and I have other things I need and would rather buy something else than pay for blockers and gel and stuff.
I feel so pathetic, I can't even stay conscious for a successful blood drawing. I guess next time I lie down right away and tell them to take it from elsewhere if my veins just run off like that.