Hi everyone,
I'm a transfeminine male, 56 years old, living in NYC. I'm married (for the second time) and I enjoy being married, and in this relationship, transition and even CD acceptance is off the table.
That said, I've known I was transgender my whole life, even dreaming when I was 4 or 5 that I'd grow up to be a woman instead of a man. My mom picked up on this and dressed me in androgynous girl's clothing frequently when I was a pre-teen (as I later realized in photos and in packing old clothing to be donated).
I have had several moments in my life where i seriously considered transitioning, but I didn't pursue them out of fear of the social consequences. Maybe the time of the greatest ease was when I was 19-20. I had done a lot of research with books in the university libraries, and I knew that I was trans. I was all set to approach my mom about it and ask/demand that I be able to see a gender psychotherapist. I didn't do it because I was afraid- afraid of losing most of my friends, afraid of my dad's disapproval. I attempted suicide when I was 21 and was hospitalized for a few days, but still couldn't tell the therapist I saw that it was because of my dysphoria.
After school, the social consequences seemed to go even higher, so I've never pursued transition to my regret and dismay. My body dysmorphia/gender dysphoria has been an intense obsession that has constantly undermined my productivity in academics and professional career. I might have been lonelier had I pursued transition 34 years ago, but I'd probably be happier.
I developed gynecomastia when I was 14-15, and it never went away. I have fully developed lobes/lobules despite having never been on fem HRT. My boobs are between a 36 A/B cup, and twice in my life, most recently after I was divorced from Wife 1.0 and before I met/married Wife 2.0, I took some herbals and did breast massage and my breasts blossomed in about 3 months to a 36 C/D. My face had become more feminine. I was living half-mile from Lincoln Center and I'd sometimes go to the Philharmonic or Met Opera en femme, and had several friends from those events who only knew me as a woman or transwoman. I seriously considered transitioning then- I was being called ma'am everywhere when dressed as a male. My boobs were tender and would bounce around and I never went anywhere without wearing a T-shirt bra or sport bra.
While it felt good, I also felt like I was at a point of no return where I'd have to come out to long-time friends (some of whom were already asking a lot of questions about my appearance) and family, and I turned back. I stopped the massages & herbals, put on some muscle at the gym, and went on the dating scene.
I still have boobs, though they're back to 36 A/B.
I think my current wife sees my feminine qualities and either finds them attractive or is unbothered by them. We went to a July 4 cookout where we knew only one person, and I'm pretty sure that a few people "misgendered" me there. She didn't seem bothered by it, but would make sure to introduce me as her husband and reference me as "he/him/his" with those people.
My girlfriend before my current wife found some of my women's clothes in my apartment, and actively encouraged me to CD or even transition after that. She found it very sexy but it was overwhelming to me. I felt that she wanted to take our relationship to a place where I was really uncomfortable. She encouraged me to step up the herbals and lose about 30 pounds from my current weight, which I did. We only went out once with me CDing, but at a club she kept attracting men to our table, and thatended it for me.
Here are some photos. I might look a bit flabby but I do have a 30" waist (measurements 36 underbust, 30, 39). I tried Supple Cups (nipple suction) for the first time yesterday, for about 20 minutes. While my nips have returned to normal, my boobs are very tender today, and the lobules are very firm & heavy feeling. After 20 minutes of suction, I have the same feeling that I had after a month of daily massage & herbals.
For good or ill, I'm still obsessed with becoming the woman I've always felt myself to be. For the most part, I'm glad my wife doesn't encourage it.
I'm a transfeminine male, 56 years old, living in NYC. I'm married (for the second time) and I enjoy being married, and in this relationship, transition and even CD acceptance is off the table.
That said, I've known I was transgender my whole life, even dreaming when I was 4 or 5 that I'd grow up to be a woman instead of a man. My mom picked up on this and dressed me in androgynous girl's clothing frequently when I was a pre-teen (as I later realized in photos and in packing old clothing to be donated).
I have had several moments in my life where i seriously considered transitioning, but I didn't pursue them out of fear of the social consequences. Maybe the time of the greatest ease was when I was 19-20. I had done a lot of research with books in the university libraries, and I knew that I was trans. I was all set to approach my mom about it and ask/demand that I be able to see a gender psychotherapist. I didn't do it because I was afraid- afraid of losing most of my friends, afraid of my dad's disapproval. I attempted suicide when I was 21 and was hospitalized for a few days, but still couldn't tell the therapist I saw that it was because of my dysphoria.
After school, the social consequences seemed to go even higher, so I've never pursued transition to my regret and dismay. My body dysmorphia/gender dysphoria has been an intense obsession that has constantly undermined my productivity in academics and professional career. I might have been lonelier had I pursued transition 34 years ago, but I'd probably be happier.
I developed gynecomastia when I was 14-15, and it never went away. I have fully developed lobes/lobules despite having never been on fem HRT. My boobs are between a 36 A/B cup, and twice in my life, most recently after I was divorced from Wife 1.0 and before I met/married Wife 2.0, I took some herbals and did breast massage and my breasts blossomed in about 3 months to a 36 C/D. My face had become more feminine. I was living half-mile from Lincoln Center and I'd sometimes go to the Philharmonic or Met Opera en femme, and had several friends from those events who only knew me as a woman or transwoman. I seriously considered transitioning then- I was being called ma'am everywhere when dressed as a male. My boobs were tender and would bounce around and I never went anywhere without wearing a T-shirt bra or sport bra.
While it felt good, I also felt like I was at a point of no return where I'd have to come out to long-time friends (some of whom were already asking a lot of questions about my appearance) and family, and I turned back. I stopped the massages & herbals, put on some muscle at the gym, and went on the dating scene.
I still have boobs, though they're back to 36 A/B.
I think my current wife sees my feminine qualities and either finds them attractive or is unbothered by them. We went to a July 4 cookout where we knew only one person, and I'm pretty sure that a few people "misgendered" me there. She didn't seem bothered by it, but would make sure to introduce me as her husband and reference me as "he/him/his" with those people.
My girlfriend before my current wife found some of my women's clothes in my apartment, and actively encouraged me to CD or even transition after that. She found it very sexy but it was overwhelming to me. I felt that she wanted to take our relationship to a place where I was really uncomfortable. She encouraged me to step up the herbals and lose about 30 pounds from my current weight, which I did. We only went out once with me CDing, but at a club she kept attracting men to our table, and thatended it for me.
Here are some photos. I might look a bit flabby but I do have a 30" waist (measurements 36 underbust, 30, 39). I tried Supple Cups (nipple suction) for the first time yesterday, for about 20 minutes. While my nips have returned to normal, my boobs are very tender today, and the lobules are very firm & heavy feeling. After 20 minutes of suction, I have the same feeling that I had after a month of daily massage & herbals.
For good or ill, I'm still obsessed with becoming the woman I've always felt myself to be. For the most part, I'm glad my wife doesn't encourage it.
