[HelloDiDi]

This is why I want to go as far as I can with curves and boobs... Its the only thing going for me. I'm not conventionally attractive and I kept being told that. If not straight up, then its between the lines somehow. Or that I get pity compliments when I cry about it. I hate it, I hate to be like this, not not fit in anywhere.

I'm putting so much effort to fit in, to be accepted and liked somehow... I want to be feminine, I want to be beautiful, but how could I? With this hideous overgrown body which is wrong with like everything except the flesh lumps on my chest? I'm trying to cope and compensate and I'm really sad that hormone sorcery works so slowly and that I can't afford to get bunch of surgeries which would take me further away from what I used to be. I can't escape being so big and non beauty standard conforming and not feminine enough. All I have going for me is curves and lack of super masculine facial features. That's literally all I got.

I know that this battle is the same to gazillion other women too, cis or trans, that doesn't matter. The whole thing about looks, how woman is only as worthy as she is fuckable. I'm so sick of it, I would so much want to be more visible and all, but I'm so insecure and for good reason too as I'm ill fitting for anything. I'm not good enough no matter how much I work my ass off.

Hi Half a Shadow, you look much prettier than I do and I dare to post pictures, so why not.



EDIT:
I shouldn't be posting today. My mind is in rather dark place with all dysphoria and body image issues and all assorted BS I've had to deal with today... I'm stressed and sad, I should just do my evening routines soon and go to sleep early.

[Half a Shadow]

There is no harmony in this world, so we flounder as best we can. Is it a sad? Yes, of course. But we must move on, no matter what. There are only a few people who accept us as we are. So, what... It's not worth wasting your energy to be good for everyone. Decent people will find themselves, sooner or later. And they will be more valuable than anything in the world. And let the rest live as they can.

[Stevenator_]

I shouldn't be posting today. My mind is in rather dark place with all dysphoria and body image issues and all assorted BS I've had to deal with today... I'm stressed and sad, I should just do my evening routines soon and go to sleep early. [/i]

Hang in there Lara. Tomorrow is always a better day. May you wake fully rested and revitalized to take on the world!

[Caylee]

I shouldn't be posting today. My mind is in rather dark place with all dysphoria and body image issues and all assorted BS I've had to deal with today... I'm stressed and sad, I should just do my evening routines soon and go to sleep early. [/i]

Hang in there Lara. Tomorrow is always a better day. May you wake fully rested and revitalized to take on the world!

Lara Johanna,

Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you!  If you need to talk you know how to reach me. You are a beautiful woman!
Always,
Caylee 

[HelloDiDi]

Hi Caylee, I'm taking some days off of posting much.... I'll try to soldier through changing blockers and its quite tough, feeling quite a bit better now though, I guess Bica is stating to kick in and win what ever T spike I might have had going.
 

To anyone who wants to ask me personally about my program or what ever, please ask me in this thread or private message so my advice will not upset anybody. It seems like indirect punches by taking apart wording from some posts and being upset for me trying to be helpful is a thing lately in a true Virgo sun manner.

So please if you want to chat or ask something from me, do it here or message me so my answers wont rock the BN boat too much. And if I'm too dumb, I'll just tell to go read the threads and use search function.

[HelloDiDi]

I shouldn't be posting today. My mind is in rather dark place with all dysphoria and body image issues and all assorted BS I've had to deal with today... I'm stressed and sad, I should just do my evening routines soon and go to sleep early. [/i]

Hang in there Lara. Tomorrow is always a better day. May you wake fully rested and revitalized to take on the world!

It is, kinda. Third week on Bica starting and I felt much better the moment my E started to rise... Injection day today. I carried the rest of the firewood which was took less time I thought it would. Too bad I missed my walk, I really want to go as I've had some time without. Maybe tomorrow. Weather is awesome, but its getting very cold. Tonight will go below freezing.

I'm not sure if its Bica doing it, but I've had the deep itch in my boobs getting stronger for several days, not skin deep but well in there. Its ages since I had that going last time. Oh and aches too. I'm already waiting when I can stock up on some items, creams running a bit low already.

[HelloDiDi]

Hello Lara,
I am Meik-e from Germany and have been a longtime Reader of your great threads and of course an Idol for me. It is now the right time to write this...Please keep it up, you are very special, give a shit on others opinions. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. The Ones which are telling this are all liars.I am 60 years old and have seen more of this stupid humans if one can remember in my life...

I   you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awww, thanks Meik.

I will, I'm not the kind to give up easily on anything that's dear to me. And transition right now is my entire life quite literally as its a life and death question. No compromises, no matter the cost. Some times its just rough to deal with the hormonal side of things and social price of transition is absolutely staggering. I wasn't prepared for it at all, this was all sold to me as the best thing in the world and fun and games while in reality its very painful and slow and takes ton of work. ^_^

Worth every tear.

[HelloDiDi]

There is no harmony in this world, so we flounder as best we can. Is it a sad? Yes, of course. But we must move on, no matter what. There are only a few people who accept us as we are. So, what... It's not worth wasting your energy to be good for everyone. Decent people will find themselves, sooner or later. And they will be more valuable than anything in the world. And let the rest live as they can.

Correct about finding the right people. Special few mean so much and more than one I've found here. ^_^

[huckleberrywine]

I'm so glad you're doing better, Laura, I was worried about you. You're a very beautiful and brave girl.
 Hugs, Huck

[wee2er]

Hi Lara, upsetting you was the last thing I intended to do, so sorry if I do so 
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, hang in there and you'll feel better soon.