This is why I want to go as far as I can with curves and boobs... Its the only thing going for me. I'm not conventionally attractive and I kept being told that. If not straight up, then its between the lines somehow. Or that I get pity compliments when I cry about it. I hate it, I hate to be like this, not not fit in anywhere.
I'm putting so much effort to fit in, to be accepted and liked somehow... I want to be feminine, I want to be beautiful, but how could I? With this hideous overgrown body which is wrong with like everything except the flesh lumps on my chest? I'm trying to cope and compensate and I'm really sad that hormone sorcery works so slowly and that I can't afford to get bunch of surgeries which would take me further away from what I used to be. I can't escape being so big and non beauty standard conforming and not feminine enough. All I have going for me is curves and lack of super masculine facial features. That's literally all I got.
I know that this battle is the same to gazillion other women too, cis or trans, that doesn't matter. The whole thing about looks, how woman is only as worthy as she is fuckable. I'm so sick of it, I would so much want to be more visible and all, but I'm so insecure and for good reason too as I'm ill fitting for anything. I'm not good enough no matter how much I work my ass off.
Hi Half a Shadow, you look much prettier than I do and I dare to post pictures, so why not.
EDIT:
I shouldn't be posting today. My mind is in rather dark place with all dysphoria and body image issues and all assorted BS I've had to deal with today... I'm stressed and sad, I should just do my evening routines soon and go to sleep early.
I'm putting so much effort to fit in, to be accepted and liked somehow... I want to be feminine, I want to be beautiful, but how could I? With this hideous overgrown body which is wrong with like everything except the flesh lumps on my chest? I'm trying to cope and compensate and I'm really sad that hormone sorcery works so slowly and that I can't afford to get bunch of surgeries which would take me further away from what I used to be. I can't escape being so big and non beauty standard conforming and not feminine enough. All I have going for me is curves and lack of super masculine facial features. That's literally all I got.
I know that this battle is the same to gazillion other women too, cis or trans, that doesn't matter. The whole thing about looks, how woman is only as worthy as she is fuckable. I'm so sick of it, I would so much want to be more visible and all, but I'm so insecure and for good reason too as I'm ill fitting for anything. I'm not good enough no matter how much I work my ass off.
Hi Half a Shadow, you look much prettier than I do and I dare to post pictures, so why not.
EDIT:
I shouldn't be posting today. My mind is in rather dark place with all dysphoria and body image issues and all assorted BS I've had to deal with today... I'm stressed and sad, I should just do my evening routines soon and go to sleep early.