[Prissyme]

Hiya, been a very long time since I logged into here, not because I don't like to be or want to be here but it's just the way it is.

I first came here years ago, a guy who was curious. I never believed that any herb could achieve those things I dreamed of, I mean NO WAY!!! But I tried, I researched here, I messed up too but did a few things right as well. It was a shock when I realised this stuff works, my body is changing. Since then I have found my place, moved on not going to mention what I take now but it was a long hard journey which started here for me on this forum.

But it scared the crap out of me!
Things are happening to my body, it's changing, this is what I dreamed of so why am I now terrified??? That's how it was at the start, I was overjoyed but I was scared, I was really, really scared which I never once mentioned here to anybody. I was very active then on my old user name Drew, I tried to support, I tried to be entertaining, but I was mostly frightened which I hid.

It's okay to be confused, it's okay to get scared, it's alright to have doubt but importantly it's okay to admit it too. Nobody will laugh at you, im not terrified at what I am doing or have done to myself anymore but I was for a long time. Sometimes even at this stage doubts will creep in, it's alright to admit that and to ask friends. 

I was just a very frightened bitch who couldn't control herself for so very long, I can admit that now, sometimes I still am, we don't need to be scared alone. Why did it take me sooooo very long to get that????

[Shirazmn]

I think you have a case of dysphoria. Not necessarily gender dysphoria, but a general difficulty to accept how your body looks, no matter what it looks like.
We can be our own hardest critics, and many of us have looked in the mirror at different stages of growth or transition and wondered: "WTF have I done?"
I can offer that most people out there don't care what we look like, and that's a good thing. But we, humans, are very much able to screw up a good situation and make it worse for no reason.
I suggest you do a lot of soul searching. Be honest with yourself without filters. Meditate about who you feel like you are and who you feel like you should be. Be open to yourself and be prepared to accept what your body and mind tell you. Once you understand that, withut the need for labels but as a feeling, try to reach that goal. At that stage be realistic, and learn to be forgiving to yourself.

[Prissyme]

Thank you very much was an interesting read. I do know what I have, also have an eating disorder but not going to go into details all is now 'in check' anyway.
Was only trying to say if anybody embarks onto this journey it's alright to ask others for help, it can be overwhelming and a bit frightening. I never did but others forced their help upon me just don't let it go that far.