[Heaven's Night]

My issue with this topic is in the USA within the past month the Passport travel is being limited by checking 5 years of Social Media posts. This is effectively limiting what I will say. I am writing a political poetry chapbook called California Freedom Calexit. I do want to release that even though I won't be able to travel.

How to say "I live in a fascist dictatorship" without saying it. Land of the free...

[Curvyguy]

That's why I'm planning to get my guy out of the states as soon as I can. Its no longer land of the free and home of cowardly closeted cowards who rather abuse others than admit any fault themselves 

[flamesabers]

Alice, I wanted to make this thread for that very purpose, so that BN would stay the welcoming nice community it mostly is, most of the time.

People say transphobic bullshit as replies to my posts or push me away from the forum. As is Nexus would be welcoming at all. I've tried it, they don't want me there. But of course I can just leave, or stop replying to anything but my own thread. Or nothing at all, or post only once every three months.

My time is too valuable to get bogged down into some online drama queens sandbox bs. And transphobia of any kind is something I will never tolerate one bit. I will call it out where ever I see it. That's one rare thing on which I will not be silent, negotiate or turn the other cheek.

This is too much attention already, I have dog to take care of, I have a house to get heated and I'm heading out to song writing andsetting up recording equipment today. I was going to post a little iupdate to my thread but maybe that's for another day or something. 

I need coffee.

With the intent of BN staying a welcoming, friendly space, the immediate question that comes to my mind is how to achieve this. Beyond reporting disrespectful posts to the moderators, what else can be done to keep BN an inclusive space? I feel like the problem of trolls, disrespect, etc. is something every Internet community must come to terms with how to deal with (or ignore completely). 

Besides obvious spam posts, I never felt the need to report a post to the moderators (hence my original comment of not feeling bothered or on-edge by what I read on BN).

[Heaven's Night]

It hits differently when it gets personal.

[Manue]

Hello everyone,

I've been directly affected by institutional transphobia in-real life. This has hurt me immensely. I make an effort to limit my intake of online transphobia for the sake of my mental health. 

With that said, I feel like my experience on BN has been overwhelmingly positive since the first day I joined over 13 years ago. I even made some deep friendships through this forum. My point is, I don't feel bothered or on-edge with BN like I do with the much larger, mainstream social media sites. Unlike elsewhere on the Internet, on BN we're all united with a common interest of pursing breast development/growth, whether we be trans, cis or other genders. As a trans woman, I don't feel like there's an "us vs. them" mentality here. I have no issues with sharing my experiences of being on PM (on/off for about 9 years) or HRT (4 years) with the cis guys here.

The most problematic of posts I've seen are the spam posters that quickly get deleted/removed by the moderators.

Alice, I relate to this a lot. I’ve dealt with transphobia offline too, and I’m careful about the online content I expose myself to.

My experience on BN has also been overwhelmingly positive. As a trans woman, I don’t feel threatened or on-edge here, and people have generally been supportive of my transition and results. What I appreciate is that the forum stays anchored in a shared goal, breast development, and the discussions tend to stay practical rather than devolving into “us vs them.”

Also agreed on the worst content being spam, which mods handle quickly.

Thanks to all, and long live BN.

[flamesabers]

Hi Manue,

Thank you for the eloquent response. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only trans woman who has had a similar experience with the BN forum.

I'm sorry to hear you've had your own share of offline transphobia.

[nephele]

what the fuck?

this thread started with the very real concern that many of us do have, and now the damage control team is here telling us that there's nothing like that happening on this forum, it's a great place, you're all imagining things? or just get used to it? it's the internet so you should expect to get harassed? what??

you all have no business telling Heaven's Night or anyone else what does or does not take place here. if you haven't experienced negative things yourselves, does not mean they aren't there! seriously, people, try to have even a smidge of empathy, instead of closing your eyes and ears and telling everything is fine when it's clearly not.

Manue, you wrote lately "BN’s purpose is discussion of breast development for people who are navigating male-typical physiology and endocrine profiles" but like... what is "male-typical"? are intersex people excluded here as well, as in so many other niches and self-proclaimed safe spaces that really just cater to one audience? 

and if people say something unhinged, those affected absolutely have the fucking right to defend themselves, like how does nobody condemn the one saying unhinged shit but then are condemning those who say something back? like, instead of defending yourself, you should be silent and accept that you're gonna get bullied because this is the internet?

fucking hell. not only the misogynistic and transphobic things that keep being said out loud on this forum but also the belittling responses here make my blood boil.

[Heaven's Night]

Hi Nephele. 

I'm used to this kinda gaslighting. Every time I get vocal about transmisia, intermisia, just generally bad behaviour or about being treated badly, the gaslighting happens. "Stop overreacting." "Its not that bad." "It wasn't aimed at me so shut up." Or that its "escalating."

I do agree that BN forum has mostly been a positive experience but it wont make the all the bullshit magically disappear either. I've been attacked repeatedly(Maybe 1-3 per year, so not much. On crappier site it would be daily.) here and more often as time goes by. The latest thing of course wasn't an attack but a false blanket statement which was so obviously transphobic and misogynistic I wont let it fly without speaking out.

The whole boobs for genetic males/biological men, male typical what ever, its all kinda stupidly exclusive. If I would be the one to dwecide, I would take away all gender/sex exclusive crap about the forum just so that it would be more appealing to trans and intersex people. Its not like we're really loved in here, almost all others have left. I've been contemplating it many times but I've stayed so that I could help my sisters who end up posting here... I'm on the fence about it and every time some stupid forum crap comes up, I feel less enthusiastic about posting more.

Its so typical, I've faced similar bs online so much, BN is one of the least offensive sites, but its slowly been getting worse. Over all attitudes have worsened in last few years. Just taking it without saying anything wont solve a thing. I will not stop pointing it out when some douchebag repeats lies about transition not being what it is. Same with anyone coming up with obviously trans/interphobia and misogyny. Gaslighting and pointing fingers at me in those situations is useless, it wont shut me up. 

[Shirazmn]

@nephele keep in mind that BreasNexum (with an M) exists because genetic women wanted a space of their own (BreastNexus with an S). I am not sure how they see intersex people there, but I am sure that when BreastNexum branched off it was because GGs had problems with non GGs being around.
I have been insulted many times here because I wasn't trans enough for some (I am not trans, btw). I grew a pair (of boobs, obvs) and I moved on. I learned from real life the golden rule that "It's not always about you", so if I read something that could potentially occasionally incidentally marginally offend someone, I don't necessarily have the duty to step in if it doesn't really offend me. There are a lot of users here, new and old, from all walks of life, which is beautiful. We walk a grey area between cis, trans, bi, nb, etc... and it's not easy to gauge the language in a way that is always inclusive. Not everyone here is an accomplished writer and many don't even have English as a first language.
I disagree with those saying that things are getting worse. I have seen proper fights on this forum that I hope will never repeat themselves, and I think that right now this forum is living a renaissance thanks to high participation from a large number of active users.

[flamesabers]

I've been getting a lot of mixed signals about the posts in this thread. Is it about developing/finding solutions for making BN a safer space, or about sharing experiences (good and bad)?

If it's the former, I feel like my original question hasn't been answered:

With the intent of BN staying a welcoming, friendly space, the immediate question that comes to my mind is how to achieve this. Beyond reporting disrespectful posts to the moderators, what else can be done to keep BN an inclusive space?

If someone has an alternative solution(s) to my question, please let me know. I'm genuinely curious about what can be done to make BN a better place for everyone.