[lorajean101]

Needing some major advice or opinions. I have been in an on again/off again relationship with Rob for 15 years, we are both 32. When we are together, we are both very happy and very in love, then some stupid little thing will happen and we will have a "falling out" and will just stop speaking for several days then weeks, and sometimes months. We have a 3 1/2 year old son together so we never lose total contact, just romantic contact.
When our son was a year old he began spending more time with his friends then us and after several conversations about it, I finally decided to move out. I attempted to move on and eventually met someone else (who turned out to be a hprrible person and the biggest cheater and liar i have ever known) this relationship resulted in my daughter who is 1 1/2. Rob spent this time attempting to rekindle our relationship. Although I'd never fully gotten over him, I declined due to being very depressed at the time. In March of 2010 he once more attempted to work things out with me. I asked him to let me process it all for a few days. A few days later he announced to me that he had met someone else... a 19 year old girl that had moved in with him after dating for 3 weeks. I was devastated and fell into a very severe depression often thinking of suicide. During his relationship with her he would often come to pick up our son and try to be all lovey with me by hugging and kissing me and telling me he loved me. The mixed signals I was getting left me crying every night and worse then ever. He then announced he was engaged. The mixed signals continued. I finally told him that he had a fiance and he was not allowed to touch me or show any affection towards me when picking up our son, but if his situation changed then we'd talk... 3 days later he moved all of her things to his garage and kicked her out. We got back together soon after. From September 2010 until February 2011 things were great! He then got a new job which limited our time with one another due to conflicting work schedules. Once more, we fell apart. Last month he told me that he didn't think he was a relationship type of guy anymore because he liked his space and freedom.
Two weeks ago he called me telling me that he was miserable and was in love with me and missed me. I had felt this way also so was excited he dropped the ball and announced his feelings. Wednesday when I went to pick up our son, he tried to hook up with me and told me how much he loved me and missed me. Friday, I went to drop off our son to find his ex fiance, now 20, at his house. I was shocked! I decided to call him rather than dropping by with her there. He told me that I had the wrong idea about things... further into the conversation, I ask him if I can come over and talk with him (she was gone at this point) he told me it wouldn't be a good idea and eventually further into the chat told me he was back with her. WTF?! I ended the conversation and took a few moments to process it all in my head. Two days prior he was in love with me... I called him back a while later and he told me he felt like I had blown him off when he attempted to fix things and put it in his mind that he had to move on. I am very confused and hurt and don't know what to do. For 15 years he has been my best friend (aside from the 5 months he was with her last year) for 15 years, i've dreamed about our wedding day. For 15 years I've never been able to get over him or fully love anyone except for him. I am so sick about this I haven't slept (aside from 1-2 hours each night) or eaten for going on 4 days. I am miserable. I know he loves me, but why does he do this???

[mydreamisGcup]

seriously i think you should have just been friends.
it honestly hes just playing with your emotions and probably enjoying that 2 women want him. no one deserves to have a game made out of their love.

so tell him never to talk to you again get him to text your cellfone if he wants to arrange to see his son get and if he does get a friend to give your son a lift there its best if you completly avoid him(or hes just going to try it on or rub his gf in your face).

Forget him you 2 dont connect well enough for a love relationship, and if he loved you he wouldnt hurt you so horribly, hes a liar aswell- you noticed that about your daughters father.
Because if you think about it by trying to hold on when things have never worked is just stopping you from finding the right person.
This is a positive thing a fresh start your kids need a happy mummy.
Dont look for a man, focus to love yourself first and love will find you.

Good luck
xxx

[lorajean101]

Thank you for the reply. You are totally right. I have seen the things you have pointed out, and although I can see it, I cannot get my mind to process it for what it actually is. I keep thinking "what if he is my soul mate and I just walk away and spend my life unhappy?" In this day and age its hard to find someone that you stay in love with for 15 years despite the many childish attempts we have both made to hurt each other. I don't know if its actually the relationship part that I'm hurting over or the fact that I have once again lost my best friend. To an extent, it is both and its also the girl he is with. Last year when he got with her he went from my go-to guy to the guy I tried to avoid due to his sudden hostility towards me because of her insecurities. I see it now too. I was very angry and revenge seeking last year but have opted to be more mature about it this time around... With that being said what sounds better, voodoo hex spell or bad luck gypsy curse?

[mydreamisGcup]

aaawww yh i know its hard nothing important is easy n if he is your soulmate he wouldnt pick some kid over u
Also you deserve better having your feelings played continuously with can cause serious psychological harm(youve already been depressed).
idk how u feel about him but i was in an abusive relationship for 5yrs n then i thought i loved him n couldnt imagine being with anyone else but now im really in love with a new guy nearly 3yrs now n its soo amazing still we argue sometimes but we just tell eachother how we feel n agree on a solution

maybe try staying away from him n just lookafter yourself for awhile until your happy with yourself youll realise your better off without him or if he is your soulmate he will realise he pushed u away and learn but u dont need to worry because if its meant to be youll find eachother again

[mydreamisGcup]

hmm well id go for voodoo dolls- worked on my dads evil fiancee

[lorajean101]

Haha! I was only about half serious...but...

[bee]

Sorry to hear about this, but something like this has just happened to my mum, she is 60yrs old (i'm 23) my dad (74) is a showman and has been travelling australia since I was a little girl, but this year he met someone on a trip and started having an affair on my mum, he even had the balls to bring her to mum's house to live!! WTF!! My brother and I confronted him and asked him what was going on... he told me there was nothing going on... bullshit!! When my brother (25) had talked to him a fight broke out and the next day the women was on a train to her mum's. Mum got depressed quickly and wanted to kill herself so I took her to my house so she could figure out what she wanted to do, she asked me what my thoughts where and what I would do if I was in her situation.. I told her to tell him to leave... he wanted to leave anyway because he was in love with someone else, he just didn't want to admit it to me, mum or my brother, I'll never forget the day he left my mum he got what he could and pretty much flew out of our driveway and down the street, he drove 24hrs straight to her... bastard after he told me he was going to meet some other friends, he's now in a relationship with her and trying to have a baby with it!!
It wouldn't be so bad if things where different, but he met my mum via letters to the phillipines she don't know anything, she has never worked, he wouldn't let her get a drivers licence, he controlled everything she did, since he has left she relys on my brother and I too look after everything, (we don't mind), she looked after us when we where young it's time to give back.
But for mum it was very ruff the first 2-3 months, but she getting better everyday since I moved back home, she's got me and my kids to think about and keep her mind busy...
What I'm trying to say to you is, you don't need him, just concertrate on what you've got and the friends and family will get you through the hard times, think about the song by the pussycat dolls "I don't need a man" I wish you the best of luck, I have seen how hard it is, but in time you will get through this

[Bibi]

Oh what a terrible mess. So sorry you´re going through this, Lorajean (and also Bee´s mum)!
My thoughts on the situation are that perhaps your guy is acting out his resentment because of you having a new relationship with someone else when he wasn´t ready to break up. It must have crushed his ego that you had a daughter with that other man, even though you broke up with him later on. There must be a lot of anger and jealousy he hasn´t realised he had, so that´s why he´s torturing you with this on and off thing and the younger girlfriend. I know it´s not logical or fair to you, but then when are relationships logical, right? They´re based on emotions and emotions have their own logic - which includes revenge, love/hate, etc.
So I think the best thing for you to do is to take some distance from this downward spiral. Maybe he´ll deal with his emotions, maybe not, but you can´t coerce someone to be more reasonable about what´s going on inside him. He clearly still has some positive things towards you but this agressive behavior is clouding it all. And you can´t sit and wait for him to harm you!
And something else. Don´t confuse yourself with fantasies about the soulmate. As the very wise mother of my best friend once told me, there is no such thing as prince charming or a soulmate. All people are whole for themselves, and romantic relationships are just the cherry on the cake, they aren´t something you need to be happy. Try to be happy for yourself, treat yourself like the most valuable person you know (aside from your kids), spend time focusing on your family.
Really, you don´t need someone to play with your emotions! Only when you´ve gotten to know yourself better, really learned to appreciate your own company, you´ll attract a positive relationship. And then you can say "oh you´re my prince charming" but of course you´ll know it´s just something nice people say.

[lorajean101]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom! I'm still having a very challenging time with it all, but I'll get through it...