[Bibi]

Wow, thanks for all of your insights! You´ve given me a lot to think about...

I would think Pansy Mae was right if it were any other guy I don´t know that much, but since he´s always been a good friend it just seems too mean that he´d be leading me on for months to get some cheap thrills. But of course I could be wrong.

As for Cheryl´s opinion, it does make a lot of sense, I´ll have to find out. I have always wondered why he´s never had an official girlfriend for more than a few months. And the reasons he gives for breaking up with them have always seemed pretty silly to me. (btw he has sent me pictures, nothing strange there so it must be something else)

Isabelle, your advice is spot on, I had never really looked at it like that. I guess we´re both just at completely different stages in life, he´s always lived alone, concentrated on his job, while I lived through a marriage with two kids. I think there´s no bigger commitment in life than having children, and it changes your whole outlook on relationships in general. It probably comes more natural for me to establish a serious relationship than for him.

Anyway, I do realise that I need to get rid of the negative feelings I get from this situation. I notice it´s making me very insecure, in fact I went to see a flower remedies practitioner today and she detected a lot of stress related to emotional problems. So yeah, I´ll try to take care of that now.

It really is much easier when you´re a teenager, isn´t it? I wish things could be still that simple! Well, here´s something that the younger members of this forum can learn about. Thanks again for taking the time to reply!

[ibnujusup]

Okay, I hope someone can shed some light on this situation. There´s this guy I´m friends with who´s always been attracted to me - I know because he´s told me so many times. We´ve been communicating almost only online for years because we´re both busy, and this year I told him I was interested in him as well (I got divorced a couple of years ago and wasn´t into dating for a while).

Since then we´ve been chatting romantically almost every day, and have had cybersex and phonesex which is always very intense. The thing is, that´s the only thing we do! At first I thought that was normal because he lives far away and works long hours, but it´s been months now and we haven´t seen each other in person. When I hint at getting together he tells me he wants to see me in the future, not now (??). I feel like he´s kind of "dosifying" me, he tells me he´d like us to start getting physical slowly when we do meet. I´m not sure what to make of this. This is a grownup, almost 40 (like myself) and isn´t involved with someone else, as far as I know. The other thing that´s weird is that he´s never been married or even lived with someone, though he has had girlfriends, so perhaps there are some commitment issues?

But anyway, am I being too impatient? Is he just shy or what? I know it´s hard to speculate on other people´s motives but I´d appreciate some insights because this situation is making me very irritable (though of course I try to keep my cool when I´m talking with him).

i think you better try to said frankly what your feeling are.. maybe your guy just want to test you out..

just my opinion dear..

[Bibi]

Well, it´s been a while since I posted this and things have evolved so I thought I´d give you all an update since you´ve been so nice replying to my worries.

The thing is, I thought contact with this guy would become less in time but it didn´t. I did get busy minding my own life and started on a new and fun job, so I think this took some pressure off the whole situation for me. Privately I also tried to focus on my own issues, which was a good thing.

But we just continued chatting, and also used a webcam to see each other. After a while our conversations became less cybersex-y and more emotionally intimate, I think. We talked about our fears regarding relationships and things like that. And after a lot of months we did get together in person and everything just went wonderful, and still does.
He told me that he is so happy we are taking things slow, that he feels really comfortable with the pace of our relationship and do I feel the same? Which is quite ironic because I´d been fretting all those months about things not going fast enough. But of course I said Yeah, whatever feels natural, I would never force things. Lol.

So anyway, looking back it´s quite a relief that things are heading in this direction.
I´m not sure if there´s something to be learned about my experience for all the others in this forum? Perhaps that slow but steady wins the race? (which also applies to nbe, lol)
Perhaps not to try to mold people into something you want but to focus on yourself instead? This situation really got me thinking about my own neediness and insecurities and I think I solved some issues I had. Not doing that would´ve been kinda unfair toward this guy and I really really like him.

[Isabelle]

Thank you, Bibi.

So happy this worked out