Welcome Lucy,
I agree with Pansy Mae. Lactation is a lot of work. First you need estrogens to build the milk ducts and to push your nipples and areolas out. Then (after 5-6 years) you need progesterone to develop glandular and alveolar tissue. No milk glands, no milk
Then you need prolactin to actually start milk production. And finally, you need oxytocin to start the breast contractions that actually drive the milk out. Only Cheryl1989 has ever gone that far on this forum. I would look for herbs that are given to women to start uterine contractions for labor, like rosemary, or raspberry leaf.
Picture yourself as an 11 year young girl and plan your first breastfeeding by age 23. The most knowledgeable person on the forum who has studied this path is Melissa4u. She is preparing her breasts for her second pregnancy, after the first breastfeeding went wrong.
About your experience: be prepared for a strong emotional reaction whenever you go too far, too far too fast, not far enough, or too slow. On the forum, we have learned that if you have a desire like lactation, it is real and it won't go away.
You came on too strong by starting three herbs and noogling at once. Slow the pace. Do only what feels right at this time. Give your emotions time to adjust, and give yourself time to figure out how you are going to fit this into or life, or how you are going to fit your life around it. You'll need 12 years anyhow, so relax. You may never consciously know what your ultimate goal is. Just do what makes you feel most comfortable at any moment.
The most important decision is when and how you are going to come clean about it to your wife, not if. She may like it, she may not. Start slowly, like commenting if you see something on TV together when you are both relaxed. It's like the process of coming out about cross dressing.
I do hope Cheryl and Melissa find this thread. If not, ask for their help directly.