[karen]

I agree with Beverley and this is also where my point, about oestrogen being diagnostic, kicks in. Clearly, oestrogen is not for you; listen to your body and stop trying to jump mental hoops. You are happier, driven by T, all be it, that you have some trans inclinations, I am happiest driven by oestogen and can only imagine retuning to T, with abject horror.
QED, I am transsexual and you are not. I feel you need to think through your desires and what you want to be, rather than getting mired, in the mechanics of hormone interactions; it is masking your true desires, not advancing them.

Thanks Chrissie,

I agree, by definition I am not Transsexual. I don't think that I ever thought I was. I didn't understand what I was feeling. But I never really felt a commitment to become a woman. As far as thinking through my desires .... everyone can rest assured that "thinking" is an inherent part of my nature. But as my signature says ... throw in a little kink. Hence the "grey area"

What I think that I experienced was a total shut down of DHT (just as I said). Not an overload of oestrogen. With the amount of TRT that I had used the amount of free T that I had , even if it all got converted to Estradiol, was much less than I had on other days. Do some reading about the effects of Low/No DHT ..... I think you will find that what I experienced was not all that unsual.

In my carreer I am an analyst ... on things must more technical and complex than this. It is my nature to see cause/effect. All of what I am doing is at WAY LOWER doses than most here take everyday, but by controlling each slow increment I am able to feel a difference.

And as far as masking my true desires .... I make sure that I clear my head along the way. I make a point to stop everything days at a time and come out of the clouds. All of this is helping me "understand it all" .... not making me more confused.

Remember that all of this started months ago with TRT to "feel better" .... I'm suspecting .... by understanding more the effects of hormones ... and looking back over my life .... that I always had a low T Level ... not TOO low as to make me unhealthy, but lower than average for my age group. What I think happened is that my GP Doctor didn't know enough about the subject and by prescribing TRT that put my T Levels from 175-225 up to 750-800 was just too much of a jump for my body. All of the other enzymes weren't used to and couldn't handle all of that T ... that created a different imbalance.

A very strong option now is to find an hormone sprecialist and do it the right way. I know enough now to keep him/her honest and be able to understand exactly what they are playing with ... as they say "there's a reason for everything" ....

But for now .... I am feeling pretty darn good ... AND having fun playing BOOBY .... life can be in the middle ... not a melodrama AND fun without being obsessed. Which may be part of what you need to think about.

Hugs .... Karen

[julieTG]

Absolutely indeed

"you" can be in the middle

Look at sfem and pansy, perfect level headed examples

Julie

yes agree if you went from that low a t level up too above normal no wonder you went girly

[karen]

Absolutely indeed

"you" can be in the middle

Look at sfem and pansy, perfect level headed examples

Julie

yes agree if you went from that low a t level up too above normal no wonder you went girly

I'm with you Julie .... don't know why everyone has to be cast into a box

Karen

[beverley.rose]

I'm with you Julie .... don't know why everyone has to be cast into a box

Karen

Actually, I think Chrissie and I were casting you OUT of the TS box and saying "Definitely not this one..."



As long as things are NOT confusing or depressing you or having negative effects then I am happy for you, but given your sensitivity to change, seeing a specialist sounds like a very good idea.

Beverley

[chrissie]

I totaly agree with Beverley.
I have dear friends, who are in the middle. I accept and embrace them, for the people, they are, but I cannot put myself in their mental space, any more than they can put themselves, in mine. We have a camaraderie, because we all struggle with being outside the norm and wishing to present as female. The differnce is that those who take the "middle way" are men, wish to remain men, but like to explore the fem side. Us poor, benighted , souls, who are TS, have known, since our earliest, sentient thoughts, that something was seriously amiss and that we should have had the body, of the opposite gender. Increasingly, it looks like we were right; it seems we have female brains and, in a battle of brain v body, brain will win. That is why we do not agonise over analysing interactions of hormones; we want feminisation and, bring it on, whatever the cost. It is also why we blossom, under a regime of high oestrogen intake.

I feel accepted, as one of the girls; how good is that? Best thing that has happenned to me; ever.