[jay42]

I am 45 and about a year ago I started TRT. The results went down after a few months and I became moody. I chalked this up to the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic and doing allot of inner work and intense counseling. I came to find out that the T the doctor was giving me was aromitizing in spite of taking Zinc citrate to keep that from happening. I decided to take advantage of that and grow my breasts. I remember growing up wanting large breasts. I always had sizable moobs even when I was fit and working out all the time. I have always been somewhat androgynous. I have always been called mam by most store clerks until they notice the beard. I have always liked clothes, especially underwear, that was on the feminine side. If it has lace, mesh, or a thong back i'm there. I have never bought any boxers or fruit of the looms in my life. Sometimes I would even get some women's panties but not to often. I am now at the point of wearing both men's and women's things on a regular basis. I have no desire to pass as a woman and don't really wear anything ultra feminine.

Much of the my spiritual work requires me to walk between the worlds of gender. I see having breasts and eventually lactating to be part of that. I have no great desire to be one or the other. I just want to be me. I like having the best of both worlds.

With this post I am looking for some support and maybe other forums that are more geared for my situation. I do feel like I fit in here because I am growing my breasts but this place is not all about gender issues. I would also like advice on finding a doctor to help me. The one I am going to for the TRT I don't feel comfortable with telling him about my situation. I have been using ProCurves+ for 3 1/2 months. I have so far gone from 54B chicken wing man boobs to almost feminine shaped 54Ds. The thing is at my weight they are still not out of proportion for a fat guy. Thus my goal at this time is 54F. Nobody has seemed to notice yet and that is a bit disappointing to me. On the other hand, they might just be being polite and not saying anything. Any experience in that department anyone? Thanks ya'll for any comments.

[Isabelle]

Welcome Jay,

By the time the medical specialists here in the Netherlands came around to accepting people in the middle as patients, I had already learned to help myself. I can't give you much hope: even my children are not getting the help they need. Maybe my grandchildren will.

So you're on your own. Karen also got a few surprises from TRT, and decided to learn more about it before looking for a good doctor. Her reasoning was this: you need to know a lot about the subject to be able to judge whether a doc you are considering is the one you need. Much of what you need is on the forum.

Good luck, and happy growing!

[dargona]

There are also of us on these forums that are in the middle as you describe yourself, I am one of them and came to the realization of that for and by myself after 23 years of my life, and introduction to HRT via herbs. Unfortunately there isn't a lot a recognition of the middle, especially outside of these forums, but you will find great personal support here from the users. The more of us that open up and tell our story, the more we'll be known. Anyways: welcome and good luck to you in your journey

[chrissie]

I think Isabelle is right. If she says that, from a Dutch perspective [remember it is one of the most liberal societies, in the world] how much more must it apply to the US.
Also, I do not think putting all your trust in the hands, of a medic, is always for the best. I have ceoliac disease and was diagnosed, at the time I was weaned and nearly died. The trouble was, in those days, british, medical ortodoxy, was that this was a childhood ailment, you grew out of. Some Medics seem to dislike the fact that I have never had a test and I have even been described as self-diagnosed! I will not have a test, as it means being on a diet containing gluten and that will have dire effect on me, to the extent that I am likely to be too ill, to get out of bed, to go & give the blood, for the test!
Remember that the american institute for psychitry asserts that trannsexualism only affects 1 in 60,000. Look at Proffesor Lyn Conways site and you will see that a little rigerous analysis, of the available data, reveals a level of around 1 in 300. So much for trusting medics, in this field. As a transsexual, I ultimately had to put myself, in the hands, of the medics. Fortunately, my GP was very sympathetic, but the local mental health board, twice blocked my access, to a psychiatrist, on the grounds of there being no mental health issues. This is despite the fact that the Welsh NHS protocols clearly state that the first step, in medical treatement, is referral to a psychitrist. I only got there, thanks to a stirling effort, by said GP. If this is what happens with a recognised treatable, medical condition, what hope, for the "middle way" ?
When my transsexuality, finaly, became unbearable, I discovered the predeccesor, of this site and settled on PM as the treatement that was likely to suit me best. I am so glad I did, because, when I sought medical help, I was on the cusp, of having to come out, due to the increasig size , of my boobs. The joy of that has being, that my status, as a trannsexual, has never been questioned; one huge hurdle, comfortably negotiated.
I also wonder what you expect of a medic. Unlike my condition, there is nothing that medical science can offer you, other than help with mental health issues, that may arise, from your condition. If what you need is support, acceptance and the comfort of knowing you are not alone, then seek out local support group. I did that, when my increasing bust line was becoming an issue and I realised that, to stop taking PM, was not on the agenda, Due to my work I had limited access, to the meetings, but it was enough to ease my transition, into living, full time, as a woman. Without that support, I am sure I would have hit a mental crisis. With it I have made friends and my life has been greatly enriched.

[jay42]

The main thing I need is doing the tests to see where I am. Also, keep up the T shots to keep the male parts in working order. I know I can get the tests done at a doc-in-a-box place but I will have to pay 5 times what I do through a GP. I would love to be able to get my T shots and be able to tell my doc that I don't want to lower my estrogen because I am growing my breasts. I do have some other health issues that I need prescriptions for. I have zero trust in the medical establishment but I don't have an alternative at the moment. I have had allot of trouble with doctors giving me grief about what they called, "self medicating." In my view, I knew what to do and if I had called them or gone to the ER I could have died before I was ever seen. Thanks for the responses and it is good to know that there are others like me here.

[Pansy-Mae]

... it is good to know that there are others like me here.

Welcome Jay, and yes there are plenty of us 'in the middle' here

[sfem]

It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on your situation and some fairly specific goals, Jay42. Welcome to our group. We are not a substitute for a GP, but perhaps some of our experiences can help you to decide what to be trying. I can't help with the doctor search. But good luck with it.

[chrissie]

Jay,
No tests will look into your mind; only you can decide who and what you are. I can give you horror stories, of those who had control, removed by said medics; me included. To abrogate control, of your own destiny,to others, is a recipie, for disaster; you need support, not medics. I cannot envisage your situation, as I am sure, you cannot envisage mine. However, I am surrounded, by a supportive network, which has allowed me to move on and this is key. With out it, I am sure, I would have hit a mental health crisis; with it, I have flown and reached a level of happines and contentement, that I did not know, was possible.

[beverley.rose]

I have joined a local T* group and it is wonderful - truly wonderful. My wife attends as well and we look forward to going. It has been such a help, I really cannot stress just what a difference it makes. Even going to Chrissie's Kitchen and meeting others from a different group was so uplifting. It makes everything so much nicer.

Also, look for opportunities every day. Now that I live mostly en femme I have now made friends - "normal" people who simply accept me as I am - in the oddest places. The local supermarket has a lovely woman who works there and she and I talk every time I am in and in between we exchange emails.

To hell with the doctors. Find people who will accept you and help you and lift you up. It is so wonderful that it makes you want to cry with joy.

Beverley

[chrissie]

Well said, Beverley.