Posts: 209
Threads: 13
Joined: Aug 2011
Those of us, who have not straddled the gender divide, can have little idea of the different emotions, going on, between the genders. Tonight, I ended up tearfull. I can trace the course, of it, but the cause, must be, purely hormonal.
We had a kitchen, deep clean, on monday. For the first time, in 3/4 months [apart from 10/15 minutes, dealing with the yacht] I wore trousers. I came up, into the flat, hating myself; deeply hurting. This goes back. to the first time, I realise, I should have been born female. Yesterday, I was overwhelmed, at the joy, of, having acheived, C cup boobs; that happened some weeks ago; it just overwhwelmed my emotions. Tonight, I was weaing a calf lengh skirt, that has to be unbuttoned to the knee. Eating, my evening meal, I caught sight of, my stockinged knee and fell apart; it was just such an emotional experience; I am still on the edge of tears, a couple of hours later
QED, Hormones do more, than just grow boobs.
Posts: 286
Threads: 18
Joined: Jan 2011
(03-11-2011, 01:03 AM)chrissie Wrote: For the first time, in 3/4 months [apart from 10/15 minutes, dealing with the yacht] I wore trousers. I came up, into the flat, hating myself; deeply hurting.
.....
I caught sight of, my stockinged knee and fell apart; it was just such an emotional experience; I am still on the edge of tears, a couple of hours later
QED, Hormones do more, than just grow boobs.
I know just how you feel Chrissie. I hate doing anything that makes me feel masculine or reminds me of masculinity. Perhaps you might remember this from a few months ago.
"... her eye fell on a old suit of mine and she made me try on the jacket because I have lost nearly 2 stones in weight since January and she wanted to see where I had lost the weight because the jacket was previously a good fit.
I put it on and it looked utterly incongruous with my dress and shoes. I felt ridiculous, then I felt a wave of utter revulsion. I broke into tears and tossed the jacket right across the room. I was trembling - physically shaking. It felt so wrong - terribly wrong."
http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=9798
I agree with you. These things CAN change your emotions, but not for everyone. I suspect that in cases like you and me, what the hormones do (NBE or otherwise) is unlock emotions that are already present and allow them to go free.
I will keep a big hug for you on Sunday week.
Hugs...
Beverley
x x
Posts: 209
Threads: 13
Joined: Aug 2011
Beverley,
I recall that post and I have come across the idea, propounded by some medics, that the effects of oestrogen can be diagnostic of transseuality. Only transsexuals respond positively, to it. Certainly, I love the person, I have become and emotional moments, like last night, are great, because the confirm how femanine I have become. Just typing that, has made my eyes quite moist; I am on the verge of tears.
Hugs, Chrissie xx
Posts: 1,036
Threads: 47
Joined: Aug 2011
Hi,
you may have seen my earlier posts regarding stiffness/aching/spasms around the kidneys? I've worked hard to find a dose that I can tolerate for the simple reason that, without a regular dose of PM, I revert to the state I was in before I discovered it: anxious, catastrophising, depressed about the state of the world, and obsessing about TV/TS fantasies.
I also used to lose patience when talking with family members if we disagreed on what I considered to be "irrational" or "illogical" reasons.
PM has changed all that. I honestly feel a much better person now, and I dread not getting a regular dose. This last weekend, I took hardly any, as we were visiting my daughter and it was tricky. When we returned, I got into a stupid argument about how big a block of cheese we should be buying!! All very logical, but daft! When I told my wife that I thought it might have been due to coming off PM, she reckoned it was withdrawal symptoms...
Both my wife and son (who still lives with us) have noticed how much more cheerful and happy I am (though he doesn't know why yet).
I realise that this isn't the same as becoming more emotional, but I was already there, I think - I've always cried at poignant stories on screen or in books as much or more so than my wife. The point is that PM has made a huge difference to my mental state, from a borderline depressive to someone much more well-balanced.
So what am I leading up to? I think that probably I am a TS at heart too, but I don't think I'll ever be able to go far enough. I love my family so much I would hate to do anything that would seriously upset them. They know and love my face as it is (if only I'd shaved off my god-damned beard the day before I met my wife) and they would be terribly upset just to see me clean-shaven, let alone with FFS (which is what I would really want).
The changes in my breasts are absolutely thrilling, but at the same time very scary, because sooner or later I will have to come up with a story! (I'm thinking late-onset gynaecomastia :-D )
Luckily I work at a place that has a trans support policy, so I'm not in danger of losing my job when things become more prominent.
I suppose I could go to a maintenance dose if they start to become obvious, but I don't know if I'd be able to deliberately stop if further growth was possible.
Unfortunately, my life has always run tactically, not strategically...
a series of bridges crossed as they are met...
Bryony x
Posts: 286
Threads: 18
Joined: Jan 2011
(03-11-2011, 05:21 PM)bryony Wrote: I suppose I could go to a maintenance dose if they start to become obvious, but I don't know if I'd be able to deliberately stop if further growth was possible.
Unfortunately, my life has always run tactically, not strategically...
a series of bridges crossed as they are met...
See my response to your other post on 'castration' - it is directly relevant to this
Beverley
Posts: 835
Threads: 17
Joined: Feb 2010
Byrony, if you're unsure of how much to proceed, then going very slowly seems very much in order. I have found similar changes to frame of mind even on a minimum dosage of PM. Perhaps you want to try taking the minimum and see if you get the mental effects you want without pushing the envelope too quickly on the physical changes.
Just wondering...
Posts: 209
Threads: 13
Joined: Aug 2011
Bryony,
You exhibit classic Transsexual traits. At the end of the day, embracing those, are all that will save you, from a mental crisis, Your family do not need that. This is something, so big, it cannot be supressed. It is hard, but, unless those, closest and nearest, to you can accept it, sadness and misery will prevail.
I think you need mega big hugs,
Chrissie xxxxx
Posts: 1,036
Threads: 47
Joined: Aug 2011
(03-11-2011, 09:35 PM)sfem Wrote: Byrony, if you're unsure of how much to proceed, then going very slowly seems very much in order. I have found similar changes to frame of mind even on a minimum dosage of PM. Perhaps you want to try taking the minimum and see if you get the mental effects you want without pushing the envelope too quickly on the physical changes.
Just wondering...
Thanks Sfem, but I didn't know I would get that benefit when I started...although it is more important, the original desire to 'get a pair' is still there...
Bryony x
Posts: 1,036
Threads: 47
Joined: Aug 2011
(03-11-2011, 11:11 PM)chrissie Wrote: Bryony,
You exhibit classic Transsexual traits. At the end of the day, embracing those, are all that will save you, from a mental crisis, Your family do not need that. This is something, so big, it cannot be supressed. It is hard, but, unless those, closest and nearest, to you can accept it, sadness and misery will prevail.
I think you need mega big hugs,
Chrissie xxxxx
Hi Chrissie,
thank you for your hugs!
I must say, when I heard your radio slot, it did sound awfully familiar...
I'll have to see what happens. I won't do anything that risks their happiness, but if I grow gradually, I guess/hope they will get used to it.
Of course, I may not get anything much, but I suspect I will... my mother, sister, and daughter all had/have substantial busts, and I've put on an inch over the last couple of months (36" rib cage).
Life would have been so much easier if I'd been born 40 years later....
Bryony x
Posts: 1,036
Threads: 47
Joined: Aug 2011
Hello again Sfem,
(03-11-2011, 09:35 PM)sfem Wrote: Byrony, if you're unsure of how much to proceed, then going very slowly seems very much in order. I have found similar changes to frame of mind even on a minimum dosage of PM. Perhaps you want to try taking the minimum and see if you get the mental effects you want without pushing the envelope too quickly on the physical changes.
Just wondering...
I forgot to mention one critical factor... it takes a fairly high dose (at least 2000mg) to gain these good effects, and that's enough to keep me growing! (so far, anyway :-)
