Ah, I see.

Group Three (G3) is composed of natal males who identify as female but who act and appear normally male. We can hypothesize that prenatal androgenization was sufficient to allow these individuals to appear and act normally as males but insufficient to establish a firm male gender identity. For these female-identified males, the result is a more complicated and insidious sex/gender discontinuity. Typically, from earliest childhood these individuals suffer increasingly painful and chronic gender dysphoria. They tend to live secretive lives, often making increasingly stronger attempts to convince themselves and others that they are male.

Yep, that sounds like me

The story is very different for Group Three. In the hope of ridding themselves of their dysphoria they tend to invest heavily in typical male activities. Being largely heterosexual, they marry and have children, hold advanced educational degrees and are involved at high levels of corporate and academic cultures. These are the invisible or cloistered gender dysphorics. They develop an aura of deep secrecy based on shame and risk of ridicule and their secret desire to be female is protected at all costs. The risk of being found out adds to the psychological and physiological pressures they experience. Transitioning from this deeply entrenched defensive position is very difficult. The irony here is that gender dysphoric symptoms appear to worsen in direct proportion to their self-enforced entrenchment in the male world. The further an individual gets from believing he can ever live as a female, the more acute and disruptive his dysphoria becomes.

Me again

The situation can become so convoluted that some gender dysphoric men come to therapy wanting, almost desperately, to be told that they are not transsexual. That would be understandable if they were simply confused and wanted to get to the bottom of their problem. Unfortunately, their stated preference here appears to be more a form of avoidance of the fear and complexities involved in transitioning than it is an honest desire to remain men. For example, there are natal males who desperately want to have breasts but say they would be terribly embarrassed to have them show in public. There are others who wince at the thought of having a female name like Janice or Mary or Linda. There are also gender dysphoric males who think that the social behaviors that most differentiate women from men -- are frivolous and unimportant.

Yes, that's definitely me... but not you, now! You've overcome the fear and embarrassment.

I've told 3 people in my life, all in my 20's . The first was when I'd had too much to drink, the second was someone who came out about his homosexuality so I thought it only fair and the last was my wife. Of course at that stage I thought that I was a transvestite.

B.x

The way it seems to me is that I've never had the driving force to be a woman, just that I wish that I had been born one.

That, plus probably my age, makes it immaterial to me how I present whilst I am calmed. All I really want to do now is get on with my (non sex-related) hobbies!

That first part is EXACTLY how I've felt all my life. I've tried so many times to explain it to people and I've never been convinced that they really understood it, so thank you for that.
My only problem is with the second part - I also want to get on with my hobbies, but I seem to have lost the 'oomph' to do it, so I just sit and stare at them instead! That's partly why I was wondering about a way to keep the boobs but get back a part of the maleness...oh well, can't win 'em all I guess.

I suppose it depends on the hobbies, but I know what you mean. All I know is that before this summer I had done almost no woodwork at all... I used to just sit and fiddle with the computer.. but after getting to my "zen" point with PM, I had built a huge log rack, put a shelf up in the kitchen, replaced some rotten planks which provided some tudor-style decorative frontage on my garage, and took the top off and rebuilt a garden table to replace some rotted wood. Ordinarily I'd be lucky to get _one_ of those jobs done in a year!

I cannot beleive, that a thread, I started, about, a wobbly, in my life, has grown & grown. I do not know where to start. So many hurting people; I need to love you all; come and hug me, big time and let me responde.
Big Hugs,
Chrissie! xxxx

I cannot beleive, that a thread, I started, about, a wobbly, in my life, has grown & grown. I do not know where to start. So many hurting people; I need to love you all; come and hug me, big time and let me responde.
Big Hugs,
Chrissie! xxxx

See attached!

B. x

I am not offended at all. But to correct the record I found myself more aggressive, more impatient, less willing to tolerate things I didn't agree with. But rage isn't a word I would use to describe myself or my behaviour, on or off PM. I hadn't responded about it because I am truly not offended, and I'm not too worried about it. Since others are correcting the record, I will too.

No worries!

Bryony.
I could not open your attachement.
Hugs,
Chrissie

I has a teddy bear (for hugs)

Beverley

Bryony/Beverley,
I got that, so I have just embrace it.
Chrissie xx

Beverley,

if you find a test for soppiness index, I'd probably score quite highly...

B.x

The idea, when I read through these threads, that I found hardest, to comprehend, is of crossdressing. I do not cross dress; I have no desire to crossdress. This thread started with my revulsion at wearing trousers. I dress as the woman I am, passage. To me, PM has liberateted me, to be me. Befpre coming out, I never felt a great need to cross-dress. What I did feel, was an overwhelming desire, to live as a woman. When I started to take PM, it was in the hope that it would create a situation, where I had one choce; to live as a woman and it has worked. Now I live a life that is more fullfiled, than I knew possible.
Coming out is terrifyingly hard. The problem is that, it is an immovable force of nature; to resist, courts disaster. This is why I am strongly of the view, that the sooner it is confronted, the better; to suppress it, in the end, will cause more problems, that it cures; in particular, when it has gone as far as taking PM. Is it better to have a transsexual parent, or a dead one; just look at the suicide statistics? This is like a pressure cooker and, unless you release the pressure, something will give. This is why I am such an advocate of support groups.