[AnnieBL]

Bryony,
We seem to have come to an accommodation on similar lines to your own. We are both trying to lose weight, and having at least some success, which helps. I was able to bypass a macaroni cheese without offense but with some regret on my part. We do ordinarily have frequent salmon, trout and ocean fish, as well as seafood (there are local lobster and scallop fisheries, and lobster prices are depressed at the moment). My own unshared weakness is sardines, which are in fact a very satisfactory no-carb food for independent use. Unfortunately the local sardine cannery only cans baby herring (sild) which are to my mind inferior to the real thing.

AP

"Experience is what you have just after you needed it most"

[bryony]

Bryony,
We seem to have come to an accommodation on similar lines to your own. We are both trying to lose weight, and having at least some success, which helps. I was able to bypass a macaroni cheese without offense but with some regret on my part. We do ordinarily have frequent salmon, trout and ocean fish, as well as seafood (there are local lobster and scallop fisheries, and lobster prices are depressed at the moment). My own unshared weakness is sardines, which are in fact a very satisfactory no-carb food for independent use. Unfortunately the local sardine cannery only cans baby herring (sild) which are to my mind inferior to the real thing.

AP

"Experience is what you have just after you needed it most"

I'm so envious.... I lived in the US for 4 years, and had lobster whenever I could - which was never at home, as I'm the only one who likes it - but it's way too expensive in the UK.

Sounds like you're eating all the right stuff.... just makes sure not to let anything pass your lips in substantial quantity unless it was capable of walking or swimming, or was produced by same! A little green veg, a few peas, no roots or grains.

Good luck!

B.

PS, love the motto!

[AnnieBL]

My low glycemic approach is supposed to allow fruit (not juice) and vegetables, but probably not root vegetables unless high fibre, and even 'good' carbs (though what they are seems to have different interpretations). Lobster season starts in a few weeks! But maybe I'm getting a little off topic.

Since starting PM, I have noticed a couple of things. First, I was waking up at 3am each morning and having difficulty getting to sleep again. The last three nights I have taken valerian, which happened to be on hand, and it seems to be doing the trick. I have ordered some GABA which is also supposed to help you sleep, and also to help your body produce HGH after going to sleep.

Secondly, I am frequently getting a slight somewhat saline taste in my mouth and lips well away in time from pills or food. At first I poured away a newly opened bottle of mineral water because I thought it must be contaminated, but the taste has continued since, although it may be fading (or I am getting used to it).

The motto I got from a poster (long gone) which was circulated many years ago by, I think and rather improbably, by the Canadian Patent Office. It also included a choice selection of oxymorons, and the one I used may have surfaced from there too, but I can't remember.

AP

"Experience is what you have just after you needed it most"

[bryony]

...

Since starting PM, I have noticed a couple of things. First, I was waking up at 3am each morning and having difficulty getting to sleep again. The last three nights I have taken valerian, which happened to be on hand, and it seems to be doing the trick. I have ordered some GABA which is also supposed to help you sleep, and also to help your body produce HGH after going to sleep.
...

Interesting! I find I need two at night in order NOT to wake up feeling anxious and worried about prowlers (Anxiety and depression are the two main disorders that PM eliminates for me) - one seems to only stay in my system for about 3 hours.

If you are waking up now that you are taking it, let me ask you if you also feel more anxious than you used to before taking it?

Secondly, I am frequently getting a slight somewhat saline taste in my mouth and lips well away in time from pills or food. At first I poured away a newly opened bottle of mineral water because I thought it must be contaminated, but the taste has continued since, although it may be fading (or I am getting used to it).
...

Hmmm. Haven't noticed that! But you are taking a variety of things now, aren't you?

B.

[AnnieBL]

In answer to your queries, I have woken in the small hours a couple of times after taking two Valerian tablets, but have gone to sleep again easily. Our house is two hundred years old and built of wood, and produces all sorts of weird noises at night, sometimes assisted by our dog and cat, and our parrot, which regards its cage as one big percussion set, not to speak of squirrels, foxes and other surrounding wild life. J. (I find 'my wife' gets a bit impersonal) sometimes wakes me up when a noise particularly bothers her, but on the whole she thinks they don't bother me enough. Before the valerian, I woke with my brain active but not anxious. I haven't noticed being calmer since starting PM. If, as I suspect and hope soon to find out, I was in a low T state before starting PM and since I was already taking phytoestrogens. there maybe wasn't much calming to do. At any rate it should guard against osteoporosis if nothing else.

The odd taste seems largely to have faded away. I haven't recently started anything else new, and the only other herb I am currently taking is horse chestnut, which I have taken for years, does a great job in conjunction with pressure socks in treating the CVI (chronic venous insufficiency) in my lower legs and feet. and preventing oedema. It is also supposed to be good in treating varicose veins, spider veins and haemorrhoids and doesn't seem to interact with anything else. Other than that, I take what is to my mind far too many pharmaceuticals, most of which seem to interact with either or both grapefruit juice and licorice, so that I have to avoid these. These include digoxin, ACE inhibitor, diuretics Spironolactone and HCT, calcium channel blocker, beta blocker, terazosin (expensive and not very effective), warfarin, and allopurinol just to stop the others causing gout. Many things interact with warfarin, but I have INR tests every few weeks to test for this. The only things seriously to affect the INR to date have been other drugs that I no longer take.

I'm sorry that this is all a bit me-me-me, but you did ask. Anxiety and depression haven't been a big problem for me, at least compared with J., but if PM works to help you in this as well as growing boobs, that's great

AP

"Experience is what you have just after you needed it most".

[bryony]

...

I'm sorry that this is all a bit me-me-me, but you did ask. Anxiety and depression haven't been a big problem for me, at least compared with J., but if PM works to help you in this as well as growing boobs, that's great

AP

"Experience is what you have just after you needed it most".

Hi Annabel,

the reason I asked was to determine whether, like me, your desire to grow boobs was caused by congenital gender dysphoria. This is caused (it is thought) by an insufficient exposure to androgen by the developing male foetus, so that the brain develops as a female-type brain.

The litmus test is that for this type of individual, ingesting estrogen has a calming effect, reducing anxiety. For the "standard" male brain, the reverse happens, and ingesting estrogen causes anxiety.

So, the reason I asked was to find out whether in fact you ought not to be taking PM. Looks like you can!

Many (most?) people on this board find that they aren't anxious with or without it, which leads me to suppose that there is a spectrum effect.

My theory (at least I haven't read it anywhere else) is that people who get a really tiny foetal androgen exposure suffer the most (and usually wind up getting SRS/GRS) , those who get enough exposure have no TS/TG/CD desires, and get anxious if they take estrogen, and people who don't get qute enough exposure to be fully male-brained don't want to change sex, but wish they had been born female, cross-dress and try to grow breasts. These latter folk find that when they do take estrogen, it often takes away their desire to cross-dress.

In my case, my extreme gender dysphoria was causing me terrible problems in terms of low-level depression, anxiety, obessions with impending doom, the works. People like me, prior to the availability of PM, would have a few stark choices: (1) suffer; (2) go to a gender counsellor and move towards spending my last few decades as an ugly old man in women's clothing; or (3) go to a gender counsellor for massive doses of anti-androgen.

All 3 of the above would have effectively terminated my physical relationship with my wife, so I discovered PM just in time.

If you are interested, there is a well-respected gender counsellor called Dr Anne Vitale who has a wealth of useful information on her web site, some of which exists in this forum if you search for her name. One paper in particular is interesting, called "Testosterone Toxicity" which you could also search for.

I've rambled on a bit, but as I think you are relatively new here, I wasn't sure if you'd seen this stuff before. It might be useful.

TTFN

B.

[AnnieBL]

Thank you for your reply and for being so frank about your own position. I am new here but was looking around here for a little while before I registered and a few weeks more before I posted. I did come across some of Anne Vitale's material, and you own theory seems logical to me.

In replying to you I started off by writing a long autobiographical screed which was too long and disclosed more than I was comfortable posting in a public forum. I hope the more limited comments that follow are useful.

You may like to know that I took the COGIATI test for what it is worth and got a score of -120, at the male end of the androgyne category. To my mind that seems about right. I had a problem with the test since it assumes that the respondent is a crossdresser, and I never really have been although I am attracted by the idea. I have tried on bras in my much younger and slimmer days. They seemed silly with nothing to fill them and I never went further. Hardly a strong compulsion, although more recently I have considered getting another bra when I actually have something to put in it.

I had a great deal of anxiety and other problems from my late teens onward when I thought I must be a homosexual, and it was only in my late thirties that I finally resolved that I was not, and concluded that it might have been an issue of delayed maturity. I now wonder whether what was bothering me was in fact an issue of gender identity. I have always been fascinated by androgyny. Curiously, J. named her parrot Loki, the god of mischief, because we did not then know her sex and Loki the god was androgynous. After 15 years she laid an egg thus settling the matter.

I am surprised to find how many of the genetic males here are over 50, and I wonder whether as in my case their own gender issues only came overtly to the surface as their testosterone levels declined? Moreover unwanted gynaecomastia has become so common amongst aging males, for whatever reason, that it provides camouflage for those of the same age group who welcome and induce or enhance it.

I would also comment that complete erectile disfunction does not necessarily end the physical side of marriage, with goodwill and mutual effort to find a solution. After all, same sex female couples manage to get along fine without that function.

AP

"Experience is what you have just after you needed it most".

[Pansy-Mae]

I had a great deal of anxiety and other problems from my late teens onward when I thought I must be a homosexual, and it was only in my late thirties that I finally resolved that I was not, and concluded that it might have been an issue of delayed maturity. I now wonder whether what was bothering me was in fact an issue of gender identity. I have always been fascinated by androgyny. Curiously, J. named her parrot Loki, the god of mischief, because we did not then know her sex and Loki the god was androgynous. After 15 years she laid an egg thus settling the matter.

I am surprised to find how many of the genetic males here are over 50, and I wonder whether as in my case their own gender issues only came overtly to the surface as their testosterone levels declined? Moreover unwanted gynaecomastia has become so common amongst aging males, for whatever reason, that it provides camouflage for those of the same age group who welcome and induce or enhance it.

I would also comment that complete erectile disfunction does not necessarily end the physical side of marriage, with goodwill and mutual effort to find a solution. After all, same sex female couples manage to get along fine without that function.

Hi Annabel,

I'm very fortunate in not having the significant health problems that you obviously do have, but other than that I can relate to and agree with much of what you say, even down to a wife with a noisy female parrot!

Interestingly, my COGIATI score was -70 when I took it about a year or so ago, which is pretty close to neutral! My cross-dressing has been spasmodically intense throughout my life - periods when I did it virtually every day, or would have if I could have, and periods of several years at a time when the need vanished completely. It started when I was about 12 and was intense through my teens and continued into my 40's, but despite a fascination for 'sex-change' stories and information, I decided when I was in my early 20's that that path was not for me.
One of the side effects of PM though is that it generally diminishes the cross-dressing urge. We've discussed this here many times and it is pretty general and we've more or less deduced that it is the effect of the increased female hormone level balancing out the inbuilt need to express femininity in the only other visible way possible.

Many people have commented on the mental calming/ anti depressant effect, but neither of these traits have surfaced in me, but then again I've always been fairly laid back and stress free, perhaps that's an effect of being very close to the centre line and balanced.

[bryony]

.....
I would also comment that complete erectile disfunction does not necessarily end the physical side of marriage, with goodwill and mutual effort to find a solution. After all, same sex female couples manage to get along fine without that function.

Hi A.,

thanks for the fulsome reply. Regarding the bit quoted above, granted, unless the loss of ability is intentional or avoidable! I'm sure my wife would be very understanding if E.D./impotence was due to health problems but deliberately taking hormones/orchiectomies/vaginoplasty etc would be ruled out of court...

I find that PM does not render me impotent, particularly if I take regular breaks and also use Butea Superba. It then becomes a matter of choice.

On the other hand, I'm very pleased to find that I have an alternative now, should I need it in the future.

TTFN

B.

B.

[AnnieBL]

Pansy-Mae
I really appreciate your reply. As for laid-back, you should try living in a remote fishing village in Atlantic Canada, although the first half of my life was in England. Your comments on cross-dressing compulsions made me wonder whether my lack of such compulsions might be explained by an unconscious need for femininity being accommodated by my homosexual encounters, which in retrospect seem to have been much more compulsive than pleasurable. The compulsion for such risky behaviour disappeared, apparently permanently, once I had the prospect of a stable heterosexual relationship, and fortunately before the beginnings of the AIDS epidemic. Subsequently, having acquired a ready made family, its demands and the increasing demands of my job kept me busy but under rising stress until my heart started playing up. I was very fortunate that within a few months my firm finalised a scheme which enabled me to take early retirement and move east. My heart quickly recovered to a substantial degree and it seems has not since deteriorated further, I can do most of the things that I want to do, and my various residual health problems (except for progressive loss of male function) are under control at least for now. NBE is possibly also a compulsion, but a much more pleasant one

Bryony
Point taken - and I would certainly prefer to have back the capability I had before ED. On the other hand, I believe that what has happened has strengthened and deepened our relationship.

AP

"Experience is what you have just after you needed it most"