[muzhiben]

My hair's already grown quite a bit since then. That was back in 2004. I also was never muscular, you'll be surprised once I can get some newer pics up.

My main problem is the cost of hiding beard shadow. It's insanely expensive.

With enough makeup I can already look pretty good...

i believe if you lower your testosterone to a point, your beard area will die out. i've got a question, there are girls out there have really minor body hair, do they generally have higher estrogen and lower testosterone that made them that way? made their skin nice to touch, and no shaved pore dots.

[AbiDrew85]

i believe if you lower your testosterone to a point, your beard area will die out. i've got a question, there are girls out there have really minor body hair, do they generally have higher estrogen and lower testosterone that made them that way? made their skin nice to touch, and no shaved pore dots.

Body hair is actually not quite so simple as estrogen vs testosterone. It is true that estrogen suppresses hair growth and testosterone boosts it. But progesterone, aldosterone, cortisol... lots of hormones have influence of body hair growth and pattern.

As for lowering testosterone eventually killing the beard... not true. Unfortunately. My beard does not grow in very quickly anymore, and it's a lot softer, but it's still there. And it will always be until I burn the follicles out. Either through a galvanic reaction by electrocuting the salt and water content in the follicle and producing lye at the follicular matrix... or direct heat... or laser light energy heating up the follicular matrix. Of the three, galvanic is the cheapest and most proven. It's also the one that takes the longest in general unless you have an electrologist who has spent many many years perfecting the art of beard removal.

[Amber1017]

@AbiDrew

You are too hard on yourself, I thought you were good looking too!


I had/am having electrolosis on my armpits so hair will never grow again in life. Maybe you could try that? It is worth it. I just don't like the tweezing part.

[Amber1017]

Wow, that sucks, but at least you've realized it and are working on it! That's the problem with low-calorie diets. :/ You should be taking a multi or something to make sure you're getting your proper daily nutrition!

Actually, a lot of women here are probably low on iron or zinc or some type of vitamin, and it will negatively affect NBE. I guess that's why a lot of women try a multivitamin with their regimen, just to make sure everything's how it should be.

For real?!? I didn't know that. I am anemic. I hope I don't have too much trouble. I just started out with NBE this month.

[AbiDrew85]

@AbiDrew

You are too hard on yourself, I thought you were good looking too!


I had/am having electrolosis on my armpits so hair will never grow again in life. Maybe you could try that? It is worth it. I just don't like the tweezing part.

I know... But I still can't help it. Especially when I get into a depressive funk.

I do intend to have electrolysis. But I can't afford it right now. I can't really afford supplements. I can't afford new clothes or any makeup or... Yeah. I'm barely being kept fed right now tbh.

The way society is... it's impossible to make it as TS unless you can pass unquestioned. And it's impossible to pass unquestioned unless you've already made it and can afford all the professional assistance required to do so. And if you've already made it and therefore can afford to get everything done to pass unquestioned... it's too late anyways and you'll lose everything you care about in life because no one in your "made it" but MALE life will be able to tolerate you suddenly being a woman.

Unless and until society can cut out the bigoted asshatted arse backwards view that there can only be male and there can only be female and males can only love females and females can only love males and... Life for people like me is designed to be absolutely unforgiving. Therefore I have to be even more unforgiving of myself if I'm to ever get anywhere. I literally have to be PERFECT. Or I will never get anywhere.

Literally at school today someone told me I was a "confused" person. Because I'm neither democrat nor republican, and, in their minds, neither male, nor female. And since I CAN'T NOT be male and there's NO WAY anyone can EVER not be either a REPUBLICAN or DEMOCRAT, I MUST be CONFUSED AS HELL. ... Right. Honestly I know myself better I think than probably the vast majority of the people in this world. Most people never have to truly face the question of just who the hell are they. Some of them I don't think could face the truth if they did ask that question.

But no. I'm just a massively confused anorexic girly boy with strange body image problems who should just man up and stop being so damn girly.

[AbiDrew85]

That came a lot quicker than I was expecting. My living expense check is finally here. I can't deposit it until Monday, and then it won't be available to use until Tuesday... But at least I'll be able to get everything ordered then. Couldn't be soon enough, my body is already feeling really really ugly from the lack of female hormone supplementation.

If only it had come when it was supposed to originally... sigh...

[AbiDrew85]

Just did all the math... 3 months of everything is going to cost me EXACTLY the amount of my living expense check. YAY!

This does not give me any cushion for getting the stuff to start electrocuting my beard.

[Doll]

^ Congrats on your check! That'll go by real fast! lol But at least it'll help you get back on your NBE for a while!

For real?!? I didn't know that. I am anemic. I hope I don't have too much trouble. I just started out with NBE this month.

Since you're anemic, you're probably pretty low in iron, so you should definitely look into iron supplements! Also, increasing iron will help keep you warmer in cold weather for this time of year!

[AbiDrew85]

Since you're anemic, you're probably pretty low in iron, so you should definitely look into iron supplements! Also, increasing iron will help keep you warmer in cold weather for this time of year!

You know, I can't possibly be anemic, since I have HIGH bp... But otherwise a lot of symptoms fit... I wonder if maybe I might do well to take even more iron.

Then again, my production of body heat isn't an issue, it's my lack of retention that makes me feel cold all the time.

[AbiDrew85]

I think I am anemic. Strangest thing to discover about yourself ever when you really really would never expect it. But another girl in my cos class told me she's always been anemic, with high bp, and both got worse simultaneously in pregnancy. Soooo... I think I'm anemic.

I've been taking the iron twice a day and it's been making me feel intensely better.

In other things of note, I finally decided to take a look at the "tanner stages" everyone's been talking about. I believe I'm presently in stage 2. MAAAYBE early stage 3. I definitely do not have a secondary areolar mound, so definitely no stage 4 for me yet.

I believe that, from my understanding from talking to other T-girls, is that on conventional HRT, which means no progesterone, MAYBE synthetic progestins, no one ever develops past stage 3... I'm hoping that my attempts to more accurately reflect female hormonal cycles will allow me to complete the stages. I really realllllly want to be as complete as I can be.

In yet other news... My new batch of goodies minus PM and estradiol should be here tomorrow, so I'll only really be about 2 days completely without ANY T-blockers. I don't think my body has really recovered anyways. I dunno, I may have already done permanent damage. Which would be awesome.

That probably sounded completely strange, lol. Permanent damage and awesome in the same breath!

PM is coming USPS, which explains it's tardiness.

Estradiol... Well... It's a messy situation there... They apparently VERY recently just dropped the CC processor completely and are now doing wire transfers or personal or cashiers checks... So... I'm waiting for them to tell me the account to wire it to and then I'll be using Western Union to do the wire transfer. I get to stay anonymous that way... I still don't really trust them enough to take ANY chance on them getting hold of my bank account.

EDIT: AAAANND... Western Union won't work either, they don't do direct wire transfers to banks in HK. Bloody Grrrrrr.