[Jessica Leigh]

I haven't told her yet. She knows I have these "feelings" that come and go since I was 6 years old. I've already lasered my chest and abs, and have been shaving my legs and arms for 15 years.
The baby is due in a few months and I don't want to bring this up until after the birth. No need to add to her stress. My plan is to laser/electrolysis on my beard now, continue with the SP and see a therapist begining in May. In the fall I'll start taking PM - if breast start to grow fantastic, and some time in 2014 have treach shave (I hated it when my adam apple grew and voice changed) and nose job, maybe brow contoured to. And if things go well begin hormone treatment around same time. Going full time by my 40th birthday. Maybe things move faster or slower.

But from everything I have read the facial hair removal is the place to start.

I am realistic and will probably lose everything I know and hold dear. But my hope is that I can be the stay at home parent and raise my children.

[aleah]

Sounds like you have a good plan there Golus.

Pace can change once you get into it, I found my dysphoria got worse and my desire got stronger, bit of a slippery slope.

Starting with PM+SP is great, it's slow and discrete. I would recommend considering full HRT for at least year before considering any facial surgery, you'd be surprised for how many people FFS is unnecessary after all the facial fat redistribution from hormones.

Also trachael shaves are unnecessary for some once you train your voice (which you need to do regardless, voice surgery never gets good results). Speaking in a "head voice" to remove the resonance causes your Adam's apple to retract up a bit, thats one of the ways you know your doing it properly too.

Only people with prominent Adam's apples need it imo. Some ciswomen have slight Adam's apples, it's not unheard of and trach shaves don't always turn out perfect, sometimes up to a year for scarring to disappear.

Facial hair removal and eyebrow shaping go a long way to feminizing the face, a while on HRT after that and the results are pretty astounding for some.

Good luck, I hope things work out with your family!

[Jessica Leigh]

Thanks Aleah. Unfortunately I have a VERY prominent Adams apple. Thanks again for your advice.

[bryony]

Am going to sound very critical, which is true, and if you were single and childless I would say "good luck to you", but someone has to take the side of the innocent.

I haven't told her yet. She knows I have these "feelings" that come and go since I was 6 years old.

This doesn't sound like you've actually told her very much at all. She is going to find herself as a mother with 2 kids and a husband absolutely determined to transition before she even knows how you _really_ feel. Is that fair?

The baby is due in a few months and I don't want to bring this up until after the birth. No need to add to her stress.

Well that at least shows that you care for her. I'm not sure how you can live with the current level of dishonesty though. Taking SP is one thing - it helps guard against prostate enlargement - but all the other stuff? Does she know about the laser treatment?

My plan is to laser/electrolysis on my beard now, continue with the SP and see a therapist begining in May.

And what if she doesn't want to lose her husband?

I am realistic and will probably lose everything I know and hold dear. But my hope is that I can be the stay at home parent and raise my children.

This may just be me, but it sounds right now like all you hold dear is your desire to become a female by stealth! Is that what modern loving relationships have become?

You cannot just have got this idea within the last 9 months. That means you got your wife pregnant knowing that you intended to transition thereafter. You will be a very lucky man if she forgives you for this.

If you have any hope at all of keeping all you know and hold dear, you will wait and talk it over and only, ONLY proceed with her agreement.

What you have failed to consider is that once you start on PM, you will very likely be able to cope with your condition. The powerful urge to present as a female is very likely due to an endocrine imbalance caused by androgen depletion when you were in the womb. PM will rebalance this so that the "pressing need" subsides, along with the desire to watch pornography and masturbate.

The thing is, you didn't get the full whack. You didn't insist to your parents that you were a girl and become distraught at puberty. Like many of us here, you probably had the gloom, depression, perhaps anxieties and a constant yearning for what you know isn't possible.

I felt that way too, but within 2 weeks of taking PM the pressures diminished. I can cope with the idea of presenting as an ugly male instead of an ugly female for the remaining years of my life. Much better than losing my lovely family. Yes, it grows boobs, but for the most part they can be hidden, and many people have man-boobs nowadays.

You need to wait and talk it over. If she's not on board with it, you need to take time and ponder if it's really worth losing everything for.

Believe me, you are not in your right mind right now. Things will look much different after taking PM.

Bryony

[Misty0732]

What you have failed to consider is that once you start on PM, you will very likely be able to cope with your condition. The powerful urge to present as a female is very likely due to an endocrine imbalance caused by androgen depletion when you were in the womb. PM will rebalance this so that the "pressing need" subsides, along with the desire to watch pornography and masturbate.

I felt that way too, but within 2 weeks of taking PM the pressures diminished.

Believe me, you are not in your right mind right now. Things will look much different after taking PM.

Bryony

Golus,

I firmly second Bryony's comments. I had thought I was either going to be anxious and very unhappy for the rest of my life, or I had to commit to losing my family. The struggle between the two was almost unbearable, and I set out on a stealth program to slowly feminize myself.

Then I discovered this forum (about 7 or 8 months in) and got off RC and on PM. Within a matter of days the gender dysphoria leveled off and then began diminishing. I'm now almost 4 weeks on my new program, and can honestly say I am at peace, calm, and happy.

I'm still unsure how far my body feminization will progress, but I no longer have uncontrollable urges to be female.

Good luck to you, and do try the PM before taking any other irreversible steps. I think, as others have already chimed in, that you will either have your desire strengthen dramatically (which will confirm that you are truly transgendered) or they will lessen and you (and your family) will be able live happily.

Misty

[aleah]

Good luck to you, and do try the PM before taking any other irreversible steps. I think, as others have already chimed in, that you will either have your desire strengthen dramatically (which will confirm that you are truly transgendered) or they will lessen and you (and your family) will be able live happily.

While I do agree with Bryony and Misty, I would recommend every single person considering transition to start on PM and I always have, it's effective, safe, discrete and can help people at certain parts of the transgender spectrum.

And I also agree it's important to come out to immediate family and spouses before anything that will have a drastic impact on their lives, like HRT will to your appearance and fertility. My dad would of taken it MUCH worse if I didn't tell him beforehand, it was the right call to bite the bullet early.

But what Misty pointed out here is the crux of the issue, not everyone responds to PM like that. My dysphoria got worse after I started, it's like I opened the flood gates and all my repressed feelings came gushing out and I won't be happy till I have a vagina.

I really hope people would give it a chance, it really could be the answer for a lot of people.

[Jessica Leigh]

Samcollins,

Thank you for starting this discussion.

Everyone else,

Thank you for your input. My wife knows about my cross dressing. I've dealt with it since I was 5 - or not dealt with it. She is terrified about me abandoning her and the family. She IS afraid of loosing her husband. I would never leave her, but I don't know if she could ever except me as a woman.

Just a few more pieces to my story. I have never been happy with my body. Since puberty, I hated how hairy I got, and became jealous that women could shave their legs, under arms - that it was expected of them to and for me to stay hairy. So I have lasered my chest, abs, and underarms. I hate my Adams apple and wish I still had a smooth face.

Just as importantly I work in the fitness industry and I can't have breast (although I can have a big pecs and it's ok to shave body hair -kind of). And I have no idea how negatively this would effect my business or future.

Which is why I will take all your advice, and take it slow. I do plan on seeing a therapist and joining a local support group. Samcollins I hope you do too.

Sincerely,

Golus1 aka jessica

[Elisaustin]

I have been on PM for 9 months now.
What I believe it does is mimic female puberty when taken by a male.
While physical changes are very slow in coming mental changes started
early within 2 weeks and were definite within a month.
I would recommend taking PM for at least month before making any major transition decisions. Your view point may change quite a bit.
I am really content to function in a male role when I have to, knowing
on the inside I am basically female.
Hiding my little breasts has not been that big of problem so far either lol.
No reason to disrupt your whole world when you can find middle ground and be happy.

Elisa