[Marina Kits]

Due to popular demand... New pics. Just head shots, one from just as I was slipping into my worst depression which was kinda what jump-started things. The other from about a week ago.

Even in the other pics I've put up, you could see I wasn't really happy with my life before.

There couldn't be a bigger change...

Thanks for sharing the pics Abi. I completely understand why most here what to remain anonymous but it's great to have faces to go with the names for those of us who don't care. Your face by the way, is radiant! ...I Love the smile.

[SarahSchilling]

LOL. Really, well, I never... ;P

Wow... Maybe I am being way too hard on myself... I still feel terribly ugly most of the time.

In my experience most females are their own worst critics.....so you're not alone there. Just know that you're being way harder on yourself than anyone else is. Easier said than done, I know.

Your spunky attitude makes me laugh Sarah. ...Glad you can smile now, happiness is something everyone should experience.

LOL, thanks I guess. I thought I was just kind of a bitch ;p (I'm fine with it)

[Anastasia916]

Wow... Maybe I am being way too hard on myself... I still feel terribly ugly most of the time.

I agree with others, we are always harder on ourselves. When I look at myself now, and I'm in my depression mode I feel fat, hate my skin, etc. etc. But when you look at yourself in the mirror, don't focus on your flaws, focus on the things that make you feel pretty, sexy, beautiful, etc. Look at yourself and say "I have great lips!" "I have gorgeous eyes!" etc. Whatever it is you find great about yourself. And it doesn't have to be just about your appearance, you can go further "I'm intelligent" "I'm a caring, giving person" etc. etc. Do this everyday when you get ready or whenever you look at yourself in the mirror, and you'll feel better about yourself. I may still think I'm fat deep down, but it's easier for me to focus on other things and feel better so that I don't get down in the dumps and sabotage myself to not eat good, to not work out, etc. So cheer up! Everyone here thinks your gorgeous. So smile

[Pansy-Mae]

Wow... Maybe I am being way too hard on myself... I still feel terribly ugly most of the time.

Abi, you are gorgeous... I don't know whether to love you or hate you!! ( Joking)

I do know I'm envious though.

[AbiDrew85]

I do not believe that I've mentioned this here before, but in addition to the things I'm doing for boobs and such, I've been using a series of subliminal programs to help me better myself in other ways...

Among them are programs to help with self esteem issues, fears, guilt, and shame, and what I'm about to share a progress report on now: developing a more feminine voice.

And I have got to tell you... this really DOES WORK!

From a visible standpoint... you know that slight bulge in my neck from previous pictures? It used to be bigger.

And now... For the audible proof...

Here's a reading of my poem, A Month In a Moment, recorded a few years back:

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ugw2qew1gh47nn3

This one was done with a high quality microphone, on my desktop with good sound hardware, with nice recording tools. I repeated the reading several times and spliced together the best pieces.

Now here's one I did just now with crappy microphone, laptop sound hardware, and lousy Windows Sound Recorder, and just a single read through because I can't do the editing with Windows Sound Recorder that I could do with the decent software of the old recording:

http://www.mediafire.com/?d2eapsqsl7d2l7l

The proof as they say...

The most interesting thing about this is that the subliminal I'm using has language in it to the effect of "if I'm female..." Well... It's working... lol

[SarahSchilling]

Which brand of female voice subliminals are you using anyway? I only ask b/c I've tried a few with not much success.

I'll listen to your poetry later tonight and comment.

[AbiDrew85]

Which brand of female voice subliminals are you using anyway? I only ask b/c I've tried a few with not much success.

I'll listen to your poetry later tonight and comment.

I'm sorry about your poor luck with them so far...

Here's the one I've been using:

http://subliminal-shop.com/categories/of...ine-voice/

If you've been using ones that has "if I'm a female" in it, you might not be QUITE as female as you'd need to be, subconsciously, for it to work. Maybe. I don't know.

There's also resistance issues and stuff to worry about... I used the fear and self esteem subs before the voice sub to hopefully get any fear or undeserving based resistance out of the way. Obviously I can't know if it'd have still worked if I hadn't, but...

[SarahSchilling]

WOW, that is amazing Abi. You don't even sound like the same person at all. I have to be honest though, even the before recording sounded almost passably female to me. I think your after recording is a little higher pitched than it would need to be.

I can definitely understand why one would overcompensate though. I would do the same, I'm sure. Amazing difference though! Great job, I'm sure that took a lot of dedication.


anyways...Nah, no "if I'm a female" in the ones I tried...although I probably have some subconscious bias issues from my late father. Oh well, I'm dealing. Therapy has helped some.

[AbiDrew85]

WOW, that is amazing Abi. You don't even sound like the same person at all. I have to be honest though, even the before recording sounded almost passably female to me. I think your after recording is a little higher pitched than it would need to be.

I can definitely understand why one would overcompensate though. I would do the same, I'm sure. Amazing difference though! Great job, I'm sure that took a lot of dedication.


anyways...Nah, no "if I'm a female" in the ones I tried...although I probably have some subconscious bias issues from my late father. Oh well, I'm dealing. Therapy has helped some.

The only dedication it's taken is listening to the sub every night! I just leave it looping and when I'm within range of it, I'm being affected by it. Which generally amounts to about 14 hours a day.

I must stress absolutely that I have been doing absolutely NOTHING else for voice training. Just this sub. No actual hard work or time expenditure on specifically training my voice. I'm just letting it slip into it's new shape naturally, as developed by this sub.

And I'm NOT done! Not yet! Though it might be getting kinda close.

[AbiDrew85]

After much research into all the alternatives, I have decided to try adding fenugreek. I know most use fenugreek at a single constant dose, but I actually plan to cycle it as well.

I'll take the recommended dose on the label, 1220mg, the first and last weeks of each cycle, and double that, 2440mg, the majority of the remaining time, except on days 13, 14, and 15, I'll take 3050mg.

My reasoning? Prolactin peaks mid-cycle and I'm primarily using FG for the prolactin. This has a side benefit of somewhat following my estrogen doses as well, since they also peak mid-cycle, so I'd be mostly taking more FG as I take more estrogens. Allowing it's adaptogenic effect on estrogen binding to possibly link even more closely with my estrogen use.

What I'm expecting? Mostly better milk duct formation. Right now my breasts seem to mostly be lobule tissue and a little fat depositing. I'm also hoping for better fat distribution into the area and a general increase in cell proliferation, providing more receptors for my estrogens to bind to.

I'll wait to add it until next cycle since this one is already nearly over.