[Samantha77]

Hello everyone this is my first post.

My story is probably like a lot of other people who post or lurk here. I've been crossdressing since early teenagerhood. I'm fascinated by femininity and have always felt a bit jealous of girls and their freedom to express themselves that will get you treated like a freak if you are male.

I seem to crossdress not only because it is sexually exciting but also to create a female presence in my life when there is none. When I'm in a relationship I don't feel the need to do it as much.

So anyway, late last year I got this idea that I wanted to see if I could make myself lactate. I wasn't actually thinking about purposefully enlarging the breasts at that point. I started taking fenugreek and pumping my breasts. After a while I realized that it probably wasn't a very practical idea, but the idea of larger feminine breasts was interesting to me and I started taking soy isoflavones that I saw mentioned somewhere and almost never mentioned here.

I took those capsules religiously for months. I believe I was taking them 3 times a day. I'd say at least 1800 mg of the FG. The SI is in 750 mg caps and I was probably taking at least 6 of those a day but reading the label it seems like the active ingredient is such a small percentage that I have my doubts that it did anything at all. In all the time I was taking this stuff, there may have been some swelling of the breast area but if there was it was so small it may have been wishful thinking. My sex drive and function were never affected to any noticeable extent.

In March I discovered this forum and the things that were being said about the effects of PM. I immediately bought some. Took a while to get here. I believe I started taking it around the beginning of April. The first few days I think I was taking 2000mg per day. I quickly increased it to 3000mg.

The first thing I realized is that they are not joking when they say not to take it with alcohol. Seems to cause very unpleasant GI issues. Since I am someone who likes to have a few drinks when I get home from work that means that I had to drop my evening dose most nights, which means I dropped down to 1500 mg per day most days.

I wasn't expecting to see any results for quite a while based on what I had read here, but within a few weeks I noticed very significant things. My sex drive took a nosedive. Before PM I would masturbate several times a week. My desire to view porn and have orgasms quickly tapered off. I would do it from time to time just to prove to myself that I still could though, because I don't want to lose my sexual function. I noticed that my ejaculate was not very much any more and had become clear.

After probably a month and a half of taking PM I have noticed the lumps that other people have described forming behind my nipples, with the attendant occasional minor itching and pain. As someone who touches their nipples on a daily basis and is very familiar with how they feel I know I am not imagining things. PM has had a definite effect on me.

This brings me to where I am now. A couple weeks ago. Right after ordering a second shipment of PM caps, I am starting to have second thoughts about continuing. I stopped taking the PM within a day of that second order.

Over the last couple weeks my sex drive has pretty much come back full strength, and my fluids restored to their normal state. I wanted to see that it was possible to come back. Now I have a decision to make.

The allure of breasts is strong, but the potential for problems is also strong. I'm not gay. I like women and would like to have a lasting relationship with one day. I don't see that happening any time soon though.

It's very ironic that acting on the desire for breasts has the side effect of reducing the desire for sex. Not wasting a bunch of time jerking off is positive in a way, but I always thought sex drive was an integral part of who we are and the fact that it can be almost flipped off like a switch by taking some pills is kind of disturbing to me. It makes me feel like a chemical based robot that can just be reprogrammed by installing different code. Some food for philosophical thought there.

I could write more but I'm afraid of starting to ramble, if I haven't already.

Those pronounced changed happened over the course of roughly a month and a half. Is this unusual? Am I particularly responsive to this herb? I'd appreciate any feedback this forum might have.

[flamesabers]

Hello Samantha,

I don't think it's unusual to start noticing changes after you've been taking pm for around six weeks, especially at the doses you've been taking.

Why do you want to have breasts? And where do you see yourself as far as gender identity and how you wish to present yourself? The way I see it, NBE can be a very rewarding experience for those suffering from gender dysphoria, or it can be a very unfortunate and regret-filled path for those who never really wanted to have breasts in the first place.

[Samantha77]

Hi Flamesabers,

I want breasts because I want to know what it's like. It's not that I really hate being male, it's that I want to know what it's like to be female. If I could pick one super power it would be to be able to change into a girl on the weekends and back to a man when I had to go to work, but unfortunately I don't get to live in my fantasy land and have to deal with reality.

I wrestle with this all the time because I know that in my heart I'm mostly male. The things I gravitate to in my spare time with the exception of course of crossdressing is pretty much all male stuff, but there's a part of me that wants to come out and play now and then, and I don't really feel like I'm doing anything wrong, but I'm also the kind of person that doesn't like to be singled out and the center of attention so expressing it in any king of public way is not a pleasant proposition.

I carry enough weight that I'd probably have to grow pretty large breasts for anyone to notice them, so I'm not in danger of people pointing and laughing any time soon, but I've read on here the the development is permanent so if I ever did get around to losing weight like I should........yeah.

I should probably just lay off and enjoy my crossdressing. That idea makes part of me sad though. Feeling the first signs of actual development was exciting for me, yet scary too.

My affinity for feminine things isn't just a passing thing it's been with me since I was a child, but I'm a male with a very male job and have to live in that world, so it's very frustrating.

[flamesabers]

I should probably just lay off and enjoy my crossdressing.

I agree.

If you haven't already, I recommend getting some breast forms.

[Marina Kits]

I wasn't expecting to see any results for quite a while based on what I had read here, but within a few weeks I noticed very significant things. My sex drive took a nosedive. Before PM I would masturbate several times a week. My desire to view porn and have orgasms quickly tapered off. I would do it from time to time just to prove to myself that I still could though, because I don't want to lose my sexual function. I noticed that my ejaculate was not very much any more and had become clear.

This is all pretty much the same as my experience Samantha. One additional thing that I noticed was a decrease in irritability. I became far more patient with people and pet peeves didn't bother me as much if at all. The masturbating, pron and irritability thing were all welcome additions for me and they make me want to keep taking PM for those benefits alone.

After probably a month and a half of taking PM I have noticed the lumps that other people have described forming behind my nipples, with the attendant occasional minor itching and pain. As someone who touches their nipples on a daily basis and is very familiar with how they feel I know I am not imagining things. PM has had a definite effect on me.

I'm beginning to think this is pretty normal too. It seems like many folks have indicated that SOMETHING happens fairly quickly upon starting PM. Sensations for sure and changes in the chest area be it new fatty deposits or other temporary swelling. Today, my wife said she doesn't want my breasts to get any bigger because, "people are going to start noticing". Well, I measured them and they haven't gotten any "bigger" but they sure look like they have to me AND her. I suppose they aren't sticking out any further but perhaps the breast "footprint" on my chest is getting bigger around.

The allure of breasts is strong, but the potential for problems is also strong. I'm not gay. I like women and would like to have a lasting relationship with one day. I don't see that happening any time soon though.

It's complex I know but I suggest the first priority should be to be who you are rather than what someone else wants you to be. It certainly narrows the field of potential mates but there are women who wouldn't mind your peculiarities. It beats attracting someone who thinks you are one way only to find out you're not and then both of you have to deal with something you'd rather not.

It's very ironic that acting on the desire for breasts has the side effect of reducing the desire for sex. Not wasting a bunch of time jerking off is positive in a way, but I always thought sex drive was an integral part of who we are and the fact that it can be almost flipped off like a switch by taking some pills is kind of disturbing to me. It makes me feel like a chemical based robot that can just be reprogrammed by installing different code. Some food for philosophical thought there.

I certainly don't miss the guilt of viewing porn and masturbating. I feel it is "using" women who are more often than not, gotten trapped in the sex industry, was unfair to my wife to "spend" myself and my admiration on other women, detrimental to my relationship with God and otherwise heavy on my conscious.

Like you, I'm disturbed by the fact that a little pill can so drastically change my BEHAVIOR! I do feel like a slave to my hormonal system. PM lets me take control of ALL of this and makes me feel better about myself.

Those pronounced changed happened over the course of roughly a month and a half. Is this unusual? Am I particularly responsive to this herb? I'd appreciate any feedback this forum might have.

To answer your questions... I DON'T think it's unusual and I don't think you are particularly sensitive. It's consistent with results of at least a percentage of us.

[SarahSchilling]

Are you happier while on PM or while not on it? In my opinion, the rest of your concerns are secondary and can be dealt with either way.

However, it does seem that what other people think of you is pretty important. I often find that this is overblown. Most people in modern society are entirely too self-absorbed to notice/care what is going on with another person.

Unless you're trying to present as a female, which it doesn't sound like you are....it's not likely to be the earth shattering event that many of us, myself included, make it out to be if you end up with man boobs. Additionally, the same people who would possibly discriminate against you based on appearance would likely find something else to hold against you anyway if not this...lol. Some people are just like that, and honestly they'll always find something to ridicule in others to feel better about themselves.



Good luck whatever you decide.

[flamesabers]

Are you happier while on PM or while not on it? In my opinion, the rest of your concerns are secondary and can be dealt with either way.

I partially agree. I'm all for individuals using pm to reduce their dysphoria and subsequently have an improved state of well-being. However, I think it can get complicated when using pm puts an unhealthy strain on the other areas of one's life such as relationships. I'm not saying individuals should deny their true self, but rather making a decision like taking pm can bring about consequences that may incur significant unhappiness.

However, it does seem that what other people think of you is pretty important. I often find that this is overblown. Most people in modern society are entirely too self-absorbed to notice/care what is going on with another person.

I've noticed the same thing, not only with NBE but when my crossdressing started picking up speed.

Additionally, the same people who would possibly discriminate against you based on appearance would likely find something else to hold against you anyway if not this...lol. Some people are just like that, and honestly they'll always find something to ridicule in others to feel better about themselves.

I've come to the same conclusion on this as you. It's unfortunate, but I think it's quite true. While it's never fun being discriminated against, I think it's better to know others' true colors sooner than later.

[SarahSchilling]

I partially agree. I'm all for individuals using pm to reduce their dysphoria and subsequently have an improved state of well-being. However, I think it can get complicated when using pm puts an unhealthy strain on the other areas of one's life such as relationships. I'm not saying individuals should deny their true self, but rather making a decision like taking pm can bring about consequences that may incur significant unhappiness.

I thought the poster was single. If you're already in a relationship, of course honesty should be important.

On the other hand, if you're single and are choosing to remain unhappy, then I'd think that would narrow your future options matewise moreso than physical appearance would. Also....do you really want to attract the kind of woman that would take one's appearance so seriously? If so....something tells me that relationship wouldn't work out regardless!

Narrowing your options isn't necessarily a bad thing. To each their own, though.

On a side note, people seem much nicer since I starting taking PM. I think it's just because I'm nicer to them, though! lol, thanks for the response as always flame.

[flamesabers]

On the other hand, if you're single and are choosing to remain unhappy, then I'd think that would narrow your future options matewise moreso than physical appearance would.

Good point.

Also....do you really want to attract the kind of woman that would take one's appearance so seriously? If so....something tells me that relationship wouldn't work out regardless!

I agree. I'm currently single, but I've the same mentality when pursuing a relationship. (It seems like we think alike on a lot of these issues.)

On a side note, people seem much nicer since I starting taking PM. I think it's just because I'm nicer to them, though!

You make it sound like taking pm could be a help rather than a potential obstacle when trying to find a mate.

lol, thanks for the response as always flame.

Your welcome.

[Karren]

It's interesting to hear of someone elses correlation between sex drive and feminizing drugs.... and crossdressing.... I've discovered if I let my Prolactin (female hormone produced to promote lactation) levels raise... my testosterone levels drop and my sex drive and my urge to crossdress fall off quickly.... personally I wouldn't mind if I used a supplement to enhance my breasts but if it reduces the urge to dress then I don't want larger breasts... lol. like a catch 22... Kind of why I went the vacume assisted route for now... I really can't stop taking the meds that block Prolactin because of pituitary tumor growth... and all the side effects.... I'm afraid taking PM would upset or interact with my current medication...