[spanky (aka Lola)]

I had a conversation with my wife a couple of days ago about the fact that I would like to become more female. A couple of weeks ago, I had told her that I wanted to have breasts and a more feminine shape, and she gently put the subject off. This follows a couple of years of discussions about becoming more feminine in personality and psychology, as well as her knowledge and support for my wearing more feminine clothing, perfume, and the like.

In the conversation this week, I told her that thinking of myself more as a woman than a man makes me happy and more peaceful, and that it is an exciting prospect. She responded that she thinks that it is great and that she is quite content if I feel this way. She said that I definitely seem happier. She added, however, that she does not want me to “take anything” to develop breasts unless what I want is to fully transition – a sort of either/or take on physically manifesting femininity. I responded rather meekly, asking only that she not rule anything out. At present I do not contemplate going all the way with transition, but just want a more feminine shape to go along with a more feminine understanding of, and approach to, life.

I love her deeply and fully respect her right to her feelings on the subject. I have been with her a long time, and her tolerance, and even support, of these changes is really gratifying. She clearly appreciates the changes and feminization of my behavior and personality. I am hoping, however, that she can add physical changes in my body to the changes she accepts. While I don’t want to nag or badger her into relenting, I do want to keep trying. Any thoughtful suggestions would be appreciated.

[julieTG]

Spanky,
the best advice is take it slowly
you have the base root for acceptance,

If you look at a site called

evenesce herbal hormones there are formulas there that indeed work and have both a balancing and or a feminsing effect, so you can either choose a
gentle feminising feel or actually start too feminise.

Sometimes these balancing formulas are enough, others actually need breasts,

With pm , you will get breasts , its that simple

With the evenesce formulations you can reduce t and gain a female feeling without growing breasts, or go to their other formulations too then start growth,

But if your looking for breast growth then just take pm,

The point is , if you feel better in yourself and the wife loves the new you, then thats a base stone too raise the question of actual breast growth,

All the time your wife will get used to the idea,

The main thing is that you do not deceive her and she agrees with any physical growth,

One thing I think were all in agreement on here is that something has to be done,

ie the inner girl addressed

If she is contained and ignored , she gets us stronger every time,

Julie

[MonikaT]

I guess the question I have is why it is necessary to completely transition from male to female. There are definitely folks on this forum who need to and that is fine. That is the path they need to follow, and I wish them the best in their quest. There are others who do not feel an overwhelming need to go all the way and wish to journey only part of the way down that path, stopping at some point on the way. Gender is a spectrum not a binary. Most men have characteristics that we define as feminine, and most women have characteristics that we define as masculine. My hope for you is that in time your wife comes to realize you can still be you while acquiring a few more feminine characteristics without needing to become female unless, ultimately, being female is what you want and need to be. Not even all transsexuals feel an overwhelming need to have SRS. Most probably do, but not all.

[julieTG]

Monica

Most excellent words

Our journey is not binary

I have just very recently taken that on board and indeed the meaning

Julie
X

[Marina Kits]

She added, however, that she does not want me to “take anything” to develop breasts unless what I want is to fully transition – a sort of either/or take on physically manifesting femininity.

What are you doing to bring about the feminine changes you mentioned? Aren't you taking something (herbs) right now? I don't see anything in your profile. If you are, is she OK with that? Does she know? ...I guess I'm just trying to figure out where you're at right now. It's interesting to me that she appears to be all or nothing. If you remain as you are, she's OK with that and if you transition, she's OK with that too ...but nothing in the middle??? If you decided to transition, you'll surely find yourself in the middle at least for a while. I don't know, it seems a little strange to me but I'm glad you're happy. I'm not trying to be a jerk... just curious to understand your circumstances.

[flamesabers]

Any thoughtful suggestions would be appreciated.

I suggest asking her why she doesn't want you to pursue NBE unless you intend to transition. Perhaps it's incomprehensible for her to understand why a genetic male would want breasts but have no desire to transition? Or maybe it's her way of establishing her boundaries and to see how deep your desire to have breasts goes?

I don't intend to trivialize your situation, but it does reminds me of the stance some fictional women may adopt in regards to their crossdressing husbands: either he can wear a particular article of feminine clothing (panties, nylons, etc.) all the time, or none of the time. No switching between male and female versions of clothing when it's convenient.

[spanky (aka Lola)]

My circumstances are that I am not pursuing any NBE at present, other than spearmint (which may or may not have any effect). Last year I took FG, RC and SP for about three months, without having thought it all through sufficiently, but decided that I could not continue without resolving several issues first. Most importantly, I decided that I had to make sure my wife would accept the results. I also was not certain, at that time, that I was ready to make permanent changes in my body.

I have no doubt that one could poke holes in my wife's thinking. However, I am asking a lot of her in this regard, so I understand that the whole process may be very disconcerting for her. When we discuss the subject next, I will try to explore her "either/or" stance. I believe she may not have come to terms with the fact (or even possibility) that gender and sex is not a simple "choose one or the other" matter.

I also can imagine that she is bewildered at the thought of dealing with family and friends and their reactions if my body were to undergo pronounced changes. The truth is that, at present, I do not envision making enormous changes (pun intended). I plan to address this with her as well.

I really appreciate the thoughtful input and welcome more.

[Marina Kits]

Most importantly, I decided that I had to make sure my wife would accept the results. I also was not certain, at that time, that I was ready to make permanent changes in my body.

I commend you for involving your wife in the decision. In some fashion, you both promised to stay by each other in sickness and in health and while I doubt any bride ever imagines that might involve NBE, transgenderism or cross dressing, it's still covered and goes both ways. If your relationship is built on solid ground and your commitment to each other is strong, slow, honest and gentle discussions about your feelings MIGHT increase the intimacy between the two of you. I guess there are plenty of examples of wives who cut and run though. ...Makes me thankful for mine - she's a keeper! Nevertheless, I'm a big proponent of telling ALL to your wife at a rate that she can process and finding together, a common ground where you both get some of what you each want.

I also can imagine that she is bewildered at the thought of dealing with family and friends and their reactions if my body were to undergo pronounced changes. The truth is that, at present, I do not envision making enormous changes (pun intended).

Bewildered??? Ahhh, that's probably an understatement. Just keep talking, ...take it slow and be thoroughly honest with her. I would expect a decision of this magnitude to take months, if not years for both of you to sort out and find peace.

BTW, it's interesting to me that you're actively participating in the forum since you're NOT "full speed ahead" with NBE. I would assume most in your shoes would be observing silently. That little tidbit makes your whole post make sense to me now.

[froger]

I'm observing. Taking things slow myself. My wife knows where I stand and where I'm going (which is no where drastic or fast). As for every one else, it's none of their concern.

[spanky (aka Lola)]

I am not sure this will be of interest to many, but I continued to pursue the dialog with my wife since the last post. She now says she supports me in this, even if I don't know how far I will go. It is a tremendous relief and liberating, and I plan to start up with PM, ramping up to 1,500/day, where I will plateau for a while.

The great event, however, is with respect to my wife and having her support. Thanks to forum members who have posted so many thoughtful comments on this and other threads.