[Carys]

Each day I feel a growing and growing desire to become a girl. I first started just wanting to grow breasts, but I am really wanting the girl figure, and to feel free to dress and express myself that I want without inhibition. I've never really connected with other guys, and I've always hated the testosterone driven culture. I wouldn't say that I am exactly accepting of most what most would consider girly things (like putting on make-up, nail polish, dressing up in flashy clothing,) but I feel like it's only because my mind has been programmed to consider those things as unacceptable for me because I was born with a penis. I'm sure once I try them out a bit that I will be more accepting of them, and eventually excited about them. I hate being hairy and man like, but I like being strong and desired. I want to have those curves that will drive most anyone (girl or boy) crazy with desire!

But here is my problem. I have unfortunately really allowed myself to realize who I really am after I have been married for 11 years, and had 4 kids. I have told my wife that I am bisexual, and about my desire to grow breasts and become more feminine already. She has been surprisingly accepting of it, however, because she has self image issues, she feels like I am selfishly intruding on her ground as the girl in the relationship. I'm not really sure what to do right now. I have been more calm and content with life than I have ever been since I have started my HBE regiment. I don't want to be this miserable man for her, but I don't want to be her self-image-destroying wife either. I want to become a woman so bad but I love my wife! I don't know what to do.

I want to talk to her again and letting her know that I really do want to become a woman. She told me that it isn't fair that I would get all the fun parts of being a girl (breasts and such) without getting periods and everything else.

Also, for those of you who have been following my progress, right now I am trying to move ahead and get a basis for breast tissue established, but not full on breasts yet. Once I can resolve this issue with my wife I will move on from there.

[julieTG]

Yep

We're all there with you on that one, except bisexual bit for me anyway

Just do it slow, if she is accepting already that's awesome, she will hopefully love the cute little girls as they start to sprout

Also when your t levels drop your desire may level and can think, plan and talk clearer

Julie

[Carys]

Once we get more stable together (because we have had a VERY rough marriage...I blame it a bit on gender disporia) I will talk to her more. It will give me more time to settle my thoughts and see how I feel after being on PM a while. One problem I see is that she has told me that she absolutely loves dick. I mean she craves it all the time. She said she could not go without it. That causes a problem because I would eventually like to go with the complete transition. I can't very well be transgender because I think my current employment (military) does not allow that. Maybe they well someday (soon hopefully,) but I'm far enough into my career where it would be silly to get out, and I want to stay in.

[julieTG]

Well surely what you are doing then is not sensible

Doing this in an unstable marriage is not wise ?

Julie

[chrissymarch]

I think you need to stop and think this through, your Marriage is unstable and your in the US military as a career from personal experience the Military are not excepting of transgendered people.Even taking Herbal supplements for Breast enhancement could harm your career prospects. I am sorry to sound so negative but I used to help "man" a telephone help line for CD Tv's and Transgendered, and their partners, you need to find some body possibly a therapist to talk to

[Marina Kits]

I feel your pain fwoodhull. And I know the battle you're fighting all too well. But I must say, I find it kind of ironic that you've named your thread "...roadblocks...". Ya know, roadblocks are meant to stop you from going down a road because it contains hazards or is even impassable for some reason right?

...I feel you pain, really I do. I'm married and have kids and would love to "go all the way" ...but I can't / wont or whatever. I couldn't do that to my wife and kids - it seems incredibly selfish to me let alone the possible termination of ones career. It SEEMS to me you have little choice but to find a compromise like I have done. I wont have SRS because my wife wants my junk left alone and I wont cross dress in public such that it draws attention to me because that would embarrass her and subject my kids to ridicule from their peers. In exchange for those concessions, I'm allowed to take herbs, grow my hair out and strive towards androgyny.

You said your marriage is rocky, mine was moderately so, but since I began bearing my soul to my wife about my deep feelings, we have found a new level of intimacy that has drastically improved our marriage. The more she really "gets it" the more compassion she has for me which makes me cherish her more and more which makes her deeply happy, etc. Furthermore, the PM, SP and spearmint have altered my mood and makes me a much more pleasant person to be around. She freely acknowledges that as well. I think she's beginning to grasp the amazing fact that she has a pretty unique package. Emotionally, I'm a lot like one of her girlfriends and physically... well, you get the picture.

I don't want to discourage you if you feel you really need to go down the transition road. Only you know for sure but consider the cost carefully as well as the alternatives. I'm on your side no matter which way you need to go. I can elaborate more if what I've said resonates with you but I need to go be with the family right now. Best of wishes Fwoodhull.

[MissC]

It seems that people always seem to want what they can't have. It's par for the human course.

There was a time I thought I'd head down the TS path, because it looked like the only way to get to where I wanted, which was to dress however I pleased and more or less pass for female. As it turned out, however, my life turned in a direction that made it possible. TS is no longer something I'd consider.

It seems so obvious now, in retrospect, but there is such short shrift given to transgenderism in the literature that it was easy to miss.

Now that I have what I actually wanted, it's almost ho-hum. It is certainly made easier by the fact that acceptance came from all sides.

You are, however, in a more difficult position than I started from -- wife, kids, military -- and so seem a greater distance from whatever goal you may have. It's easy to distinguish whether objects are 5 feet or 50 feet from you; it's more difficult to tell whether they are 5,000 or 6,000 feet away. Does that make sense?

So be careful what you wish for. Pining for things one can't have is truly a path of misery. Sometimes it's easier to decide to want what you *can* have, and then go get it.

[Carys]

I think for now I would be good with some small breasts that can be overlooked while I'm uniform, but can be grabbed and played with should the need arise. As much as I may want to transition, holding this pattern will also give mg time to really think about where things may go in the future, as well as give time for my wife and I to solidify things.

[chrissymarch]

I think for now I would be good with some small breasts that can be overlooked while I'm uniform, but can be grabbed and played with should the need arise. As much as I may want to transition, holding this pattern will also give mg time to really think about where things may go in the future, as well as give time for my wife and I to solidify things.

I am glad you have thought this through I am sorry if I sounded negative in my earlier post and wish you all the best in which ever direction you go in the future please keep posting and keep up to date on how your doing.

[Carys]

No worries. Don't worry about sounding negative, you didn't. I posted wanting actual advice, and not just people encouraging me to do what I want. Thank you.