Sarah,
you took "autobot precisely as I intended, An attempt at a humorous word play on "autogynosomething or other. And, like you mentioned to Jamie, you're also evolving. Glad to hear it, too. I was also just poking a little fun when I said "finalized". You have wandered around a bit in the past. I'm heartened to see you've come to an honest realization and set your path. Great!! No offense meant to Flame, either. I more or less knew where Sarah was going to end up, and since Sarah almost sounded depressed sometimes due to it seeming like she was the only admitted TG/TS that was very active, I just thought it might make her feel less alone if she knew Flame had many of the same feelings.

Doodle, sorry that I might have conflicted you earlier, and hope no one else becomes that way. You are, however, a good example of what I was getting at. While we may hide many things from others in the real world, why do so in here? It only delays, or even prevents, us from becoming who we really are inside. I'd like to think that by being true to your feelings with us, that has helped you understand yourself and helped you to be able to begin to spread your wings to the rest of the world. Congratulations!! Best wishes to you!! I am envious, also. It will take longer on my end, as there are paltry few resources available here. But it's only a temporary delay. Patti is persistent. And impulsive. And blonde. And getting old!! Damn!!
Oh, and Doodle, I am a little miffed that you were so close here the other night, and didn't even ask for my phone number!!

Say Sarah,
Did you flush all that stuff when you quit? Just thinkin'.

Wow! This thread has attracted a lot of attention very quickly.

Ironically, I was thinking beforehand I would just be talking to myself by responding to Patti's posts in the other thread.

Glad to hear you're not an "autobot" anymore. Sarah will probably be glad to know you're a little closer to her category, too. That is, if she's finalized hers, yet.

Why is it I feel this is some sort of dig at me?

Autobot cracked me up though, so we're even lol

Even with me or with Patti?

An Autobot? What's that? Transgender sounds better than androgynous? That never occurred to me.


On a final note, Sarah was bothered by my androgynous label? I feel I'm being a bit thick-headed by saying this, but why would she feel better knowing I'm closer to her category of gender identity?

LOL, it never bothered me aside from not being sure which pronoun to use when referring to you.

Sorry for the confusion. I know CK asked about this earlier. You can refer to me in the feminine pronoun if you wish.

You can even be a Decepticon, its cool with me ;p (yes, I used to watch those cartoons)

Decepticon? Why am I out of the loop with these words? Am I uncultured or something?

At least androgynous has a definite meaning to me. TG/TS/TV seem to mean entirely different things to different people.

I agree. For me, transgender is am umbrella term referring to those whose bio-sex doesn't match their gender identity. I consider transsexuals as those who want to or have already transitioned, while transvestites is another term for men who crossdress for sexual arousal/pleasure.

Sarah,
you took "autobot precisely as I intended, An attempt at a humorous word play on "autogynosomething or other. And, like you mentioned to Jamie, you're also evolving. Glad to hear it, too. I was also just poking a little fun when I said "finalized". You have wandered around a bit in the past. I'm heartened to see you've come to an honest realization and set your path. Great!! No offense meant to Flame, either. I more or less knew where Sarah was going to end up, and since Sarah almost sounded depressed sometimes due to it seeming like she was the only admitted TG/TS that was very active, I just thought it might make her feel less alone if she knew Flame had many of the same feelings.

No offense taken Patti.

I never realized that Sarah's the only active self-acknowledged TG/TS member on this forum. That's why I initially didn't get why she might be relieved by my post.

Patti, you have a way of making the wheels turn round and round in my head.

I was thinking about your post yesterday where you wrote:

Face it, no one just wants breasts, it's usually more, and therefore to admit such, puts them in a position of admitting they are far more removed from the normality of society. I understand if you want to hide it from those close to you, but why the concern among those of us here? If you can't admit these feelings and desires to "digital acquaintances", then I don't see how you can ever really explain it to even yourself.

It's a good question. I tried to answer it for myself and came up with an insight that surprised me.

These "digital acquaintances" make up a "digital society" that I've chosen to be a part of. It's a nice place to be. I can be much more myself here with respect to my gender identity than I can in the real world. And, like in the real world, I have an investment here; for better or worse I have established an image, a persona, that you all have come to know more or less. I think that's true for all of us who post here frequently. Each of us has chosen to present an image that we want others to see, and not just in headless pictures. It may be a more honest image than in real society in many ways, but still limited by how we think members here will judge us. People always want to fit in somewhere. There are unwritten rules and standards of decorum in this digital society. For example, we don't talk much about or sexual lives, and if sex comes up, graphic detail is avoided. Is that not being dishonest, or just abiding by the community standards that have taken shape here. Do you see what I mean?

It can be just as hard to "come out" with some aspect of ourselves here as it is in our real world lives when we value the relationships that we have invested in here and want to preserve how we are perceived.

So I ask myself is there something that I'm not revealing about myself that I could reveal if I wasn't apprehensive about it? Sure. Is not revealing that something being dishonest with myself? Not necessarily. I just may not see where there is anything to be gained by doing so. No offense to any of my friends here. It's just that in any society, real or virtual, we all wear masks of one form or another.

Any comments pro or con?

CK

Even with me or with Patti?


Decepticon? Why am I out of the loop with these words? Am I uncultured or something?

Even with Patti, just joking though.

Uncultured! lmao....only if you consider a cartoon series about intelligent robots that transform into vehicles to be culture

So I ask myself is there something that I'm not revealing about myself that I could reveal if I wasn't apprehensive about it? Sure. Is not revealing that something being dishonest with myself? Not necessarily. I just may not see where there is anything to be gained by doing so. No offense to any of my friends here. It's just that in any society, real or virtual, we all wear masks of one form or another.

Any comments pro or con?

CK

Yeah, there are a few things that are just for my therapist. A few more things that I wouldn't tell anyone. Trust me, you don't want to know. They're all pretty much about trying to force myself into the role of a female as a child, and in most cases, highly embarrassing, and in others, gross/a source of guilt.

I wouldn't call not sharing these events a mask though, more of a form of self censorship, which everyone does to some degree. My self censorship around here is pretty low in general though lol

Wow! This thread has attracted a lot of attention very quickly.

Doodlebug,
That's so cool that you are preparing to make your transgender status known to the community. I can imagine how good that makes you feel to have so much freedom to express your whole self. What does that mean in terms of your presentation in public over time? Feminine dress? Long hair? Makeup? Will you eventually transition to live as a woman?

CK

I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not going to "come out to the world" with a massive update about the "real me". I'm going to stop hiding it and let my guard down. If someone days, "hey, that's kind of girly" I'll just agree with them instead of getting defensive like I've done in the past. I'll probably never wear overtly feminine clothes in public but I will continue expanding my wardrobe with gender neutral or feminine attire. I am growing my hair and shooting for a feminine style but I may not ever wear it in an up-do fit for a bride. I'm just going to be a mix of male and female and let come whatever may. ...Iguess it's pretty hard to explain in words what it will look like but I doubt anyone will ever say of me, "hey look, there's a transsexual".

Doodle, sorry that I might have conflicted you earlier, and hope no one else becomes that way. You are, however, a good example of what I was getting at. While we may hide many things from others in the real world, why do so in here? It only delays, or even prevents, us from becoming who we really are inside. I'd like to think that by being true to your feelings with us, that has helped you understand yourself and helped you to be able to begin to spread your wings to the rest of the world. Congratulations!! Best wishes to you!! I am envious, also. It will take longer on my end, as there are paltry few resources available here. But it's only a temporary delay. Patti is persistent. And impulsive. And blonde. And getting old!! Damn!!
Oh, and Doodle, I am a little miffed that you were so close here the other night, and didn't even ask for my phone number!!

Oh, you didn't cause any turmoil in me with what you just said but it WOULD have when I first came here. To be told I was not being completely honest and needed therapy when I started here would have been hard to understand because I WAS confused and in need of counseling. I was having a hard accepting myself and and a lifetime of angst was erupting. But I've come to terms with myself now and really do like my dominate feminine side. It's who I am ...the way God made me (I believe). Again, you all have saved me a lot of money by listening to my confusion and and sharing your own hearts.

And Patti, I hope your not seriously disappointed. I'm actually still here but I'm exhibiting all day and traveling with 4 other guys. As much as I'd love to meet you, it's just not possible on this trip.

Iguess it's pretty hard to explain in words what it will look like but I doubt anyone will ever say of me, "hey look, there's a transsexual".

I got what you meant doodle and I hope no one ever says that about me either lmfao.

Like some sort of circus attraction or something. hahaha

Though, I suppose I prefer that to people thinking I'm just gay...which probably happens a lot, since I figure for every person that screams faggot at me, there's probably about 20 who just think it.

Fucking people.

I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not going to "come out to the world" with a massive update about the "real me". I'm going to stop hiding it and let my guard down. If someone days, "hey, that's kind of girly" I'll just agree with them instead of getting defensive like I've done in the past. I'll probably never wear overtly feminine clothes in public but I will continue expanding my wardrobe with gender neutral or feminine attire. I am growing my hair and shooting for a feminine style but I may not ever wear it in an up-do fit for a bride. I'm just going to be a mix of male and female and let come whatever may. ...Iguess it's pretty hard to explain in words what it will look like but I doubt anyone will ever say of me, "hey look, there's a transsexual".

Oh, okay. I guess I did over-interpret your statement:

"As you all know, my wife is fully aware of the real me but I've also talked to my pastor about it and I'm trying to participate in a community group that would "expose" me to the general public."

Sounded rather 'coming outish' to me. Sorry.

Your clarification makes a lot of sense to me. If I wanted to be more expressive of my female side in public, I would do the same. It's like Flamesabers is doing, right? I still have a hard time understanding exactly how it's done. I think I remember you, Doodle, saying that you applied a bit of eye liner which brought on some tentative remarks (a la: "My, you look different somehow, Doodle! Have you lost weight?"). Is that the kind of thing you will be exploring more and more? As things progress, assuming they do, how will you feel when at some point you are (mis)read as a woman? i.e., someone refers to you as "ma'am"? Or, maybe you never want to carry it that far?

I hope you don't mind the probing questions.

CK

Hello all,

One of the greatest strengths of this forum is that it IS a form of group therapy. Even if it isn't in real-time. This is a place where we can truly and freely express our feelings. While I do see a professional therapist I get just as much benefit listening to everyone else. We are all going through similiar stuff at some level.

I continue to struggle finding the balance between my personal desires and my commitment to my family. How do I reconcile my one vision of a future family vacations with my desire to feminize my body? How will my relationship with my children be effected if I follow through with growing breast when they are grown?

While my wife knows about my GID she doesn't understand it. How could she? And where would that leave us.

How would breast effect my job prospects (I am a personal fitness trainer). Would my clients leave? What would be the reaction in the locker room?

So thank you,