Well a little background first...
I'm a biological male and I've been closet cross dressing since somewhere around the age of 12 (I'm now 42). It started out with panties and nylons, which over time has progressed to more. My wife of 22 years has known about this from early on, and thus some of my cross dressing has been with her (some of which for sexual reasons, but I won't get too in depth on that). I also deem myself as a late bloomer, not really starting puberty until I was 14 and not losing my virginity to my wife until I was 19. Along with this, while younger I was apt to perform what many would consider feminine tasks around the house, including sewing, latch hook, and other things while boys my age were out playing football, baseball and what not. Not sure if any of this is relevant or not.
Jump forward to 1998. My wife just had our second child, and shortly after I was diagnosed with extragonadal germ cell seminoma. It's a cancer similar to testicular but did not start in the testes, and the most common tumor marker is the Bhcg levels. Mine was through the roof, so I guess this means technically I was pregnant. So while my wife blessed us with a son I have since deemed that I killed my twin that tried to develop 28 years later...
Fast forward five years. My wife calls and says she's pregnant; I ask who's is it since the previous cancer was supposed to have killed my reproductive abilities. She delivers a healthy baby girl (which I can't deny as she looks like me) and I proceed to ensure no more kids can be made by me via vasectomy.
Now leap ahead to 6 months ago. I get a random thyroid screening courtesy of my health provider and I'm told I have a mass on my thyroid and some enlarged lymph nodes. Get referred to the endocrinologist, it's positive for cancer, and shortly thereafter I'm in surgery having my thyroid and cancerous lymph nodes removed.
So through all this, I have always had thoughts of what it would be like to be woman, and I mean deep, emotional thoughts. These were somewhat acted upon by my cross dressing and some sexual actions between my wife and I as well as my enjoyment of reading fantasy feminization stories and porn addiction. Through this one would could also call me an alcoholic with severe connection issues, as even up until two years ago my wife and I were in counseling again trying to save our marriage from failure.
It wasn't until recently that through researching reasons for getting cancer a second time that I started researching me as a whole. While I have not formally discussed any of these with professional counseling, I have opened up to my wife more about some of my "hidden" wants and desires. This has also included some of what I have told her is gender dysphoria, which I truly believe I suffer from to some degree. Anyways, she has noted that over the last few weeks I have been much greatly subdued, with very little angry outbursts, a wanting for more cuddle time along with picking up more of the household duties. To be honest, some of what I have been feeling recently I have not felt in since we were first dating. And while much of this has been through choice, some of it I believe has come from accepting myself for who I am...which to me means more feminine than masculine. Along with this I now wear panties daily and occasional a bra, and I have also talked my wife in to chastising me in an effort to ween me off the typical male porn and masturbation addiction (which used to take up a lot of my free time).
At 42 I'm a little overweight, have what I have measured to be an A cup with a below measurement of 40" and across measurement of 43". My nipples are really sensitive, which give enjoyment to both my wife and I. Certainly seeing what many here and on other forums have accomplished has really peeked my interest, and certainly in more than a fetish, sexual way. Several weeks ago I found this site and along with others and decided to dabble with NBE. I started taking saw palmetto to reduce my T levels, and have added spearmint tea today to the regiment. My plan was to start PM in the coming weeks following some more discussion with wife.
After further research my concern is how my not having a thyroid will affect any and all efforts at feminizing my body physically and mentally. I know SarahSchilling and AbiDrew85 mentioned they had thyroid issues, but I haven't found anything regarding anyone not having a thyroid that has ventured down this path. Currently I take Synthroid 175mg to get my TSH levels down where the endo wants them (this may change as I lose weight). I am also taking SP 450mg 5x daily along with Ginkgo Biloba twice a day. I see my endo next week and have contemplated broaching the subject with him, but not certain that I'm ready for that, but certainly am curious how taking herbs and supplements will play out without my thyroid.
Thanks for reading; look forward to the replies and input.
I'm a biological male and I've been closet cross dressing since somewhere around the age of 12 (I'm now 42). It started out with panties and nylons, which over time has progressed to more. My wife of 22 years has known about this from early on, and thus some of my cross dressing has been with her (some of which for sexual reasons, but I won't get too in depth on that). I also deem myself as a late bloomer, not really starting puberty until I was 14 and not losing my virginity to my wife until I was 19. Along with this, while younger I was apt to perform what many would consider feminine tasks around the house, including sewing, latch hook, and other things while boys my age were out playing football, baseball and what not. Not sure if any of this is relevant or not.
Jump forward to 1998. My wife just had our second child, and shortly after I was diagnosed with extragonadal germ cell seminoma. It's a cancer similar to testicular but did not start in the testes, and the most common tumor marker is the Bhcg levels. Mine was through the roof, so I guess this means technically I was pregnant. So while my wife blessed us with a son I have since deemed that I killed my twin that tried to develop 28 years later...
Fast forward five years. My wife calls and says she's pregnant; I ask who's is it since the previous cancer was supposed to have killed my reproductive abilities. She delivers a healthy baby girl (which I can't deny as she looks like me) and I proceed to ensure no more kids can be made by me via vasectomy.
Now leap ahead to 6 months ago. I get a random thyroid screening courtesy of my health provider and I'm told I have a mass on my thyroid and some enlarged lymph nodes. Get referred to the endocrinologist, it's positive for cancer, and shortly thereafter I'm in surgery having my thyroid and cancerous lymph nodes removed.
So through all this, I have always had thoughts of what it would be like to be woman, and I mean deep, emotional thoughts. These were somewhat acted upon by my cross dressing and some sexual actions between my wife and I as well as my enjoyment of reading fantasy feminization stories and porn addiction. Through this one would could also call me an alcoholic with severe connection issues, as even up until two years ago my wife and I were in counseling again trying to save our marriage from failure.
It wasn't until recently that through researching reasons for getting cancer a second time that I started researching me as a whole. While I have not formally discussed any of these with professional counseling, I have opened up to my wife more about some of my "hidden" wants and desires. This has also included some of what I have told her is gender dysphoria, which I truly believe I suffer from to some degree. Anyways, she has noted that over the last few weeks I have been much greatly subdued, with very little angry outbursts, a wanting for more cuddle time along with picking up more of the household duties. To be honest, some of what I have been feeling recently I have not felt in since we were first dating. And while much of this has been through choice, some of it I believe has come from accepting myself for who I am...which to me means more feminine than masculine. Along with this I now wear panties daily and occasional a bra, and I have also talked my wife in to chastising me in an effort to ween me off the typical male porn and masturbation addiction (which used to take up a lot of my free time).
At 42 I'm a little overweight, have what I have measured to be an A cup with a below measurement of 40" and across measurement of 43". My nipples are really sensitive, which give enjoyment to both my wife and I. Certainly seeing what many here and on other forums have accomplished has really peeked my interest, and certainly in more than a fetish, sexual way. Several weeks ago I found this site and along with others and decided to dabble with NBE. I started taking saw palmetto to reduce my T levels, and have added spearmint tea today to the regiment. My plan was to start PM in the coming weeks following some more discussion with wife.
After further research my concern is how my not having a thyroid will affect any and all efforts at feminizing my body physically and mentally. I know SarahSchilling and AbiDrew85 mentioned they had thyroid issues, but I haven't found anything regarding anyone not having a thyroid that has ventured down this path. Currently I take Synthroid 175mg to get my TSH levels down where the endo wants them (this may change as I lose weight). I am also taking SP 450mg 5x daily along with Ginkgo Biloba twice a day. I see my endo next week and have contemplated broaching the subject with him, but not certain that I'm ready for that, but certainly am curious how taking herbs and supplements will play out without my thyroid.
Thanks for reading; look forward to the replies and input.
