[Missed Miss]

One time, at band camp, I stuck my flute up my pussy!!
Oops!! Wrong line!!
One time, a few years ago, about 3:00 a.m., I decided to dress very fem and walk up to the mall specifically to use the ATM, even though there was one a few blocks from my house. I wore a dark red mini spandex skirt, pantyhose, bra, huge tits and my purse (shoulder bag), which I've been carrying with me for the past 15 years, or so. en femme or not. I got almost half way there when some cops were looking for someone. I turned down this very short side street and as soon as I did, a cop car pulls up next to me and asks if I've seen some guy wearing this or that, he's been breaking into cars. As tall as I am, the bottom of my skirt is at the bottom of his window. Even though I'm femmed up, he talked to me as a guy!! Lol.
A few years before that, I used to go out power walking at night in my skirt and my pony tail real high like girls wear them.
One night before that, I went out for a walk one night in a mini skirt and, in the alley a block from here, some cop car pulled up at the end of the street and shined the spotlight on me as I was casually walking away from them. By this time, I was already a good 75 feet away from them. I just continued walking casually. I wasn't doing anything wrong, so I knew they weren't looking for me! After a moment, they quickly drove up the main street and over two blocks, the direction I was going, and then down the farthest main street in front of me and out the alley a block below me which was right next to my house! Just as they got to that corner of the alley, I got there, too and the cop asked me if I saw some really tall woman walking around! I told him that I didn't. I forget why they were looking for her, but, they drove away and I walked up to my porch to sit out for a while and then, suddenly, realized that the tall woman they were looking for was ME!! Lol.

[Missed Miss]

Missed Miss, that was a very touching account of a part of your life. Thank you.

There's a deep sense of sadness in your words coming through to me. Am I right? I think I can relate.

At times, I'm swamped by a sadness when I think that I can never be the woman that is embedded in my soul. I missed my opportunity to be a miss, too, and after so many grains have passed through the hour glass, there's not much that can be done about it. Timing is everything in life. Miss the beat, get out of step, and you're life becomes a cacophony that drowns out whatever harmony exists.

And still we search for it.

CK

Well, the sadness surrounds the fact that the band no longer exists and my singer died, so, no chance for a reunion; the fact that ,my ex BECAME my ex, but that was her own doing, not mine, She cheated on me! And that I can't wear my fem attire ANYWHERE NEAR as often as I'd like!!......and that I wasn't born a girl.

[SarahSchilling]

Yeah, yeah, I can hear the groans now. The board's lone transsexual under 40 is here to torture you all with her adventures. I mean, this thread seems readymade for it, right? Well, not this time lol.

I feel like you ladies help me out far more than I do you. You help with my self image issues, and provide an idea of how much it would suck (for me)to have knocked up some chick and been stuck as "Dad" for years. I can't even imagine that, no offense intended. Despite this, you're all SO nice On the other hand, I'm kinda a bitch.

All I do is make most of you jealous, or angry when I refuse to take complements lol....sorry that's how it works out. I'm no help at all when it comes to growing breasts either. I rarely even take herbs anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I even belong here tbh....

Anyways, on topic....I dress like a woman about half the time. I would go full time if not for the area I live in. I may eventually before moving anyways. The struggle for me is keeping my femininity toned down at this point. Living as a guy is what's challenging. I feel like I'm putting on a act every time I try to do so.

Whatever though, I'm not sure most of you can relate. You're trying to keep your penises functional, while I'd prefer mine fades away, with the only purpose I see it serving in the future is as neo-vaginal depth.

LOL, I'm so emo/dramatic sometimes. I feel like crying now, for no apparent reason.

[GoneGirl]

All I do is make most of you jealous, or angry when I refuse to take complements lol....sorry that's how it works out. I'm no help at all when it comes to growing breasts either. I rarely even take herbs anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I even belong here tbh....

Sarah, dear, you do belong here. We need your perspective. It's not so much jealousy that some of us feel, as it is admiration for how much you have accomplished in conquering your gender identity in your daily life. I wouldn't want you to feel out of place here.

Please tell us more about your 'life as a woman'.

CK

[SarahSchilling]

Sarah, dear, you do belong here. We need your perspective. It's not so much jealousy that some of us feel, as it is admiration for how much you have accomplished in conquering your gender identity in your daily life. I wouldn't want you to feel out of place here.

Please tell us more about your 'life as a woman'.

CK

Sorry. I wasn't trying to make this thread all about me. That's another of my annoying egotistical qualities! And, stop being so nice!

Anyways, I am in more of an in-between phase right now, rather than living "life as a woman". I feel I'd have better material to contribute once I go full-fem.

I just hate facial hair. I also hate wearing foundation to cover it up. The only kind that works is full of poisons. So I'm kinda trapped in andro mode by more than my location lol.

I'm setting up an appointment with an endo to get on prescription hormones tommorrow. Maybe they'll be stronger than my imported ones. Or maybe laser will help.

I guess time will tell.

[PattiJT]

Sarah,
I could utter the immortal male phrase "screw you bitch". But I won't.
Stick around, I definitely won't hold taking synthetics against you. Been there. I know what you mean about the acting male, too. To some degree, we all have felt that way. I kind of figure that when I get all the things done that I want to do, my mode of dress is going to change a lot as well. I will mostly not be overtly femme, like I enjoy now, skirts and dresses and all that, while also not being femmy-male appearing, jeans and t-shirts, etc. I'm looking forward to slacks, blouses and tops, etc. and the occasional sundress and skirt.
Been wearing a bra under things a lot more in public than I should, and made a trip to wally world with lipstick, mascara, and shadow that I forgot when my wife made me get in a hurry. Other than that, I keep my femme forays limited to our unfenced backyard, except for today, when I was standing at the roadside mailbox watching the cars go by before I realized I still had 4 inch dangling earrings in.
Your hormones will probably not be stronger, but they will be cheaper, for sure. Which means you can take more for your money!!

[SarahSchilling]

LOL, I know you can relate Patty. You're probably closer to myself on the gender spectrum than anyone else who's still active around here.

What all are you planning to get done? If you don't want to answer here PM me....also throw me some free surgery! I'm poor lol...

and whatever! I'm sure this endo will put me on something like 2mg estrace pills a day and evil ass spiro to start. ugh. Like that will do anything for me. I'm going to ask for depot shots!

On a totally unrelated note, I wish I could steal the boobs of this chick in biology class. They're perfect and she's always wearing low cut tops and bending over. I often find myself starting at them in a totally non sexual way . She probably thinks I'm a pervert....which I may well be, but not that kind! hahahaha

[PattiJT]

Sarah,
I have a laundry list. Lose the sagging neck, and get a tracheal shave at the same time. Little bit of nose shaping. Of course, a few wrinkles have to go. My wife wants me to lift my eyelids and get what she calls "slightly oriental eyes". I will defer to her on that one. If we go to Korea to see her family this summer, there is a voice surgery clinic at a city called Yeson (yay sahn) that uses a technique that not only is totally reversible, but also adjustable. And no incisions! They go in through the nose. Gotten great reviews. Incidentally, if you've ever seen programs with those hottie Korean K-pop singers/dancers, (and we get a few of those channels), you should know that every single one of them has had a good amount of facial surgery, at the very least. They weren't born that cute!
Sadly, a lot of my hair is non-recoverable, won't even try. lots of very good wigs out there. Or shave it bald?
my wife has a few things she'd like to "update" as well, but she did surprise me with one thing the other day. We stopped at the tat parlor where I got my nipples pierced so I could have them removed and some temps put in because of the "surgery" requirements. She watched, and fussed while the lady did that, and even made the comment that I should just let them grow shut so she could be as rough with them as she used to be. Then after all her complaining, she stops at the tattooist and asks about him tattooing her eyebrows! Like, give me a hard time because I got my nipples pierced without asking you, and then ask the tat man about tattooing your eyebrows without asking me? I think I better watch out when they put me under for facial surgery or who knows what surprise she'll have made to me to see when I wake up?

If your endo shorts you, make copies of your scripts, and send them to Canada. You might "double your fun", and still keep it cheap.

[Lisa Lou]

Damn you CK! (JK) Here I was pleasantly dwelling in my no man's (and woman's) land of gender ambiguity and when I got on the forum this morning, prepared to start a thread on my journey with PM I see your GD thread............... So of course I click on it and read. Unfortunately I cannot read objectively about this subject, I have been dealing with this demon for over 40 years now, and as many of you well identify with, suffered the love/hate, pride/self-loathing, and all of the other emotions that impact 99% of us that deal with gender identity issues.

Over the years I have literally bought and thrown away thousands of dollars of women's clothes... I'm a tad over 6'2" and wear a size 12 shoe, so you know I can't get nice looking clothes at Target or WallyWorld... I have given human hair wigs to the breast cancer foundation (as well as custom made forms), and today I have one bra, one mini-skirt, and one pair of black patterned pantyhose that I wear when my SO is not around.

I remember in my very heavy dressing days, the time I came closest to making a crossover decision wearing everything female under my Army uniform, camisoles, bras, pantyhose, garter belts and hose, thongs, etc., feeling so smug sitting around a conference table or at my desk and looking at my comrades (male and female) and thinking, "if you only new...". I think the way most of our Gay and Lesbian colleagues felt before the ban was lifted this past year.

So now I have moved from "normal" herbs to PM, I have begun to assemble my wardrobe, I am searching online for other TGs in my area, not for sex, but for friends (no, I won't desert this forum), I'm looking for a small, inexpensive apt. or condo to use as a hideaway, and I am beginning to assemble a bit of a wardrobe again.

As I wrote somewhere earlier, I was in a TG group in Atlanta several years ago that was wonderful. 5 - 15 gurls going out and having the time of their lives. But I don't want to have to drive 4 hours for that.

I'm on the edge now, I have even looked online at various estrogen pills and patches that can be ordered.

Yes, it is work to dress as a woman, it is exhausting living a double life, it is frustrating to look at a beautiful (or not beautiful) GG and want to be her, and it is painful to go back to drab, with your femme persona banging at the door....

I could write for another hour, but I am sure whoever has made it this far needs another cup of coffee, but it's time to go to work.

Sarah, I don't hate you, I envy you, your youth, your courage, your ability to cope with the pain and uncertainty and still keep your eye on the goal you have set. You have a lot of people pulling for you that you will never know, but we are sending you the best wishes for success possible, and are here when you need to vent and let it out.

Love and hugs,
Lisa

P.S. (CK, you're SURE you're not my brother from another mother??? )

[Scotti]

Funny you mention wearing a bra CK. I did just that about two weeks ago for an entire day, and believe it or not I actually wore it to work! It was a Sunday, so there were not as many people in that day, but man it was a rush. I was aware of it all day, and at times wondered if anyone noticed the hasp showing in the back. Mind you I also work at a place where its 95% men, so being exposed could have been quite embarrassing. By the end of the day I was very comfortable wearing it, and I'm certain if I wore one everyday it'd be no issue (much like panties, which I wear daily now).

To add to my feminizing, I shaved my arm pits, feet and toes this past Sunday. I'm still contemplating shaving the rest of my legs.

Also, up until last week I had been shaving my head bald due to my receding hairline. For whatever reason I decided to let it grow and see what happens. Maybe some of these herbs and PM will help it recover.