26-01-2014, 06:08 PM
Okay, new thread. I hope this will help those who are still struggling with their gender, especially newbies to the forum. I know how much some of you crave understanding about the confusing world of transgenderism.
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Questions:
Do you suffer from gender dysphoria?
How do you know?
When did you discover that your dysphoria was gender related?
Have you been able to alleviate the symptoms?
Clara Kay's story:
For nearly my entire life I suffered from gender dysphoria and didn’t know it. I’ve only recently come to that conclusion. As a child, I never had that sense that I’m a girl inside, and, as an adult, I didn’t feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body. I believe that my female gender identity was buried in my subconscious mind. It didn’t show up as overt expressions or behaviors of a female nature. I didn’t feel repulsed by my maleness.
I was not like a lot of other boys growing up in my town. I was more sensitive, kind, and loving than other boys seemed to be. I didn’t see myself as girlish, though, and I did my best to measure up as a boy. I did show an atypical interest in the girls from an early age. I can remember identifying with them in many ways. When adolescence rolled around, I found myself somewhat love shy, but I liked being around girls; but only in boy-girl groups. I guess it gave me cover. I didn’t want to appear a sissy.
My gender dysphoria became more apparent in college when real sex came into the picture. I was scared to death of sex with a girl, and remained a virgin until I got married. But, marriage didn’t solve my sexual inadequacy issues. I kind of bluffed my way through the difficulties I was having, but never freed myself from a persistent anxiety that found relief only in masturbation. The masturbation was augmented with pictures of beautiful women dressed in lingerie or totally nude. The images themselves brought me to orgasm. There was no thought of fucking them. If anything, I had a sense of wanting to be enveloped by their female loveliness. I occasionally put on panties and a bra and imagined what I would look like as a woman. It was an incredible turn-on, but I failed to see the implications of my behavior.
I attempted to read books about sexual inadequacy by the ‘experts’, but only found the advice there useless and depressing. I just decided to live with it, and since my life was reasonably satisfying and productive, there was no sense that I needed to seek professional counseling. I had no conscious awareness of a state of dysphoria, and my gender identity didn’t come into question until….
After I retired and had more time on my hands, things got intense. Porn and masturbation became way too much of my life. Then one day, I had a relapse into crossdressing after having dabbled with it many years back. The secrecy, the shame and the guilty was too much. I had to break the cycle.
I discovered a treasure trove of information about sexual problems on the internet which eventually led me to the realization that I was suffering all my life from gender identity disorder (GID). I learned about transgenderism, and sought to understand to what extent I possessed a female side to my psyche. I came to the conclusion that I was a crossdreamer. I dream about having a female body and wanting to take the woman’s role during sex. The pieces started to fall into place. The role my fantasies played in my sex life became startlingly clear.
I also read a lot about transsexualism. I learned that HRT was not only a treatment for gender dysphoria (GD) and a first step in the transitioning process, but also a diagnostic tool used by therapists to determine the existence of a gender identity condition.
I was considering seeking the help of a gender therapist when I ran across a forum that mentioned that an herbal supplement, Pueraria Mirifica, also worked as a treatment/diagnostic remedy for GD.
After a month on PM, ramping up to 2500 mg/day, I found a peace that, to this day, I’m amazed at. I don’t have to go into that here.
Yes, I suffered gender dysphoria. It wasn’t the extreme form. Sometimes I like to refer to it as ‘gender dissonance’ which, for me, was a constant low level anxiety that undercut my potential to achieve contentment in life, including a satisfying sexual relationship, and the self-confidence I needed to achieve success as I defined it.
That’s my story. Yours may be similar, but likely different given the variability that exists in the transgender condition. Please share.
Clara Kay
----------------------------------
Questions:
Do you suffer from gender dysphoria?
How do you know?
When did you discover that your dysphoria was gender related?
Have you been able to alleviate the symptoms?
Clara Kay's story:
For nearly my entire life I suffered from gender dysphoria and didn’t know it. I’ve only recently come to that conclusion. As a child, I never had that sense that I’m a girl inside, and, as an adult, I didn’t feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body. I believe that my female gender identity was buried in my subconscious mind. It didn’t show up as overt expressions or behaviors of a female nature. I didn’t feel repulsed by my maleness.
I was not like a lot of other boys growing up in my town. I was more sensitive, kind, and loving than other boys seemed to be. I didn’t see myself as girlish, though, and I did my best to measure up as a boy. I did show an atypical interest in the girls from an early age. I can remember identifying with them in many ways. When adolescence rolled around, I found myself somewhat love shy, but I liked being around girls; but only in boy-girl groups. I guess it gave me cover. I didn’t want to appear a sissy.
My gender dysphoria became more apparent in college when real sex came into the picture. I was scared to death of sex with a girl, and remained a virgin until I got married. But, marriage didn’t solve my sexual inadequacy issues. I kind of bluffed my way through the difficulties I was having, but never freed myself from a persistent anxiety that found relief only in masturbation. The masturbation was augmented with pictures of beautiful women dressed in lingerie or totally nude. The images themselves brought me to orgasm. There was no thought of fucking them. If anything, I had a sense of wanting to be enveloped by their female loveliness. I occasionally put on panties and a bra and imagined what I would look like as a woman. It was an incredible turn-on, but I failed to see the implications of my behavior.
I attempted to read books about sexual inadequacy by the ‘experts’, but only found the advice there useless and depressing. I just decided to live with it, and since my life was reasonably satisfying and productive, there was no sense that I needed to seek professional counseling. I had no conscious awareness of a state of dysphoria, and my gender identity didn’t come into question until….
After I retired and had more time on my hands, things got intense. Porn and masturbation became way too much of my life. Then one day, I had a relapse into crossdressing after having dabbled with it many years back. The secrecy, the shame and the guilty was too much. I had to break the cycle.
I discovered a treasure trove of information about sexual problems on the internet which eventually led me to the realization that I was suffering all my life from gender identity disorder (GID). I learned about transgenderism, and sought to understand to what extent I possessed a female side to my psyche. I came to the conclusion that I was a crossdreamer. I dream about having a female body and wanting to take the woman’s role during sex. The pieces started to fall into place. The role my fantasies played in my sex life became startlingly clear.
I also read a lot about transsexualism. I learned that HRT was not only a treatment for gender dysphoria (GD) and a first step in the transitioning process, but also a diagnostic tool used by therapists to determine the existence of a gender identity condition.
I was considering seeking the help of a gender therapist when I ran across a forum that mentioned that an herbal supplement, Pueraria Mirifica, also worked as a treatment/diagnostic remedy for GD.
After a month on PM, ramping up to 2500 mg/day, I found a peace that, to this day, I’m amazed at. I don’t have to go into that here.
Yes, I suffered gender dysphoria. It wasn’t the extreme form. Sometimes I like to refer to it as ‘gender dissonance’ which, for me, was a constant low level anxiety that undercut my potential to achieve contentment in life, including a satisfying sexual relationship, and the self-confidence I needed to achieve success as I defined it.
That’s my story. Yours may be similar, but likely different given the variability that exists in the transgender condition. Please share.
Clara Kay
