Ok, so my wife was less than pleased with my leg shaving. We have been together for 22 years and married for 10 of those, she has always been supportive of my little secret and is attracted to women, especially breasts!
But apparently this has made her realize that she really likes boys more. After all of the discussions of her fantasizing about other women, I guess I stupidly assumed that she would be pleased.
We had a quick talk the other day where she cried and said that she knows that people need to be who they really are and that suppressing it only makes things worse... She asked me if we could still be friends if things were not to work out.
I asked her if she was going to leave me and told her that I would grow my hair back and put it aside. She said that she just needed to adjust, that was before the legs. 
She also kept telling me that she had dreams that I left her for a man - gross! I explained to her that I am not attracted to men and that I love her and am attracted only to women - especially her.
I have been working since 8Pm friday night, here at home, on a major server upgrade that keeps running into issues with the vendor. I have been on an open conference call since then. Hence my many posts. She keeps asking me when it will be over so we can talk.
I am afraid that she is going to tell me that she is leaving me.
I am now more confused than ever, and just when I felt that I was beginning to open up into the person that I really am.
-A
But apparently this has made her realize that she really likes boys more. After all of the discussions of her fantasizing about other women, I guess I stupidly assumed that she would be pleased.
We had a quick talk the other day where she cried and said that she knows that people need to be who they really are and that suppressing it only makes things worse... She asked me if we could still be friends if things were not to work out.
I asked her if she was going to leave me and told her that I would grow my hair back and put it aside. She said that she just needed to adjust, that was before the legs. She also kept telling me that she had dreams that I left her for a man - gross! I explained to her that I am not attracted to men and that I love her and am attracted only to women - especially her.I have been working since 8Pm friday night, here at home, on a major server upgrade that keeps running into issues with the vendor. I have been on an open conference call since then. Hence my many posts. She keeps asking me when it will be over so we can talk.
I am afraid that she is going to tell me that she is leaving me.
I am now more confused than ever, and just when I felt that I was beginning to open up into the person that I really am.
-A
Oh, Amanda,
Baby, I feel so bad for you. You have a difficult time ahead, from the sound of things. For girls like us these issues are sadly normal more often than not. We must first understand, as I am sure you already know, that this is no easy thing for her, either.
Our society tells people there is something wrong with TG types, and reinforces the practice of belittling us. It also assumes, quite incorrectly, that most of us are also gay, which is a secondary blow but none the less equally important from the perspective of your wife. In her mind, she is dealing with many fears and uncertainties, some rational, others likely not. Both of you have some soul searching to do. It is hard, sweetheart, but unavoidable. At this point cool, hard honesty is the only real way forward.
Let's look at the positives. She sounds to be a wonderful person, with at least a partially open mind, right? It also sounds as though she does love you, as you do her, obviously. Both very good things.
But, I can tell you one thing from my own therapy sessions, and that is that once we begin a journey into self discovery, there really is no way to know where it will end. There just isn't. The human brain is the single most complicated thing yet discovered in the entire universe. We still do not even begin to understand how our minds and hearts really work. Mystery is always with us.
I believe it would be in the best interest of you both to seek good counseling in this time, honey. And you must both be prepared for wherever that may lead. If she truly loves you, and vice versus, then the end will be the best for you both, regardless of what that may be. We cannot always see the rosy valley because of the ugly mountain we must climb to get there.
At this point, though, and before you talk to her, YOU must decide which is most important to you, and what you can really face living with. You must be ruthlessly honest with yourself. If you make quick promises now, in order to solve this problem easily, you may find they will come back to haunt you later. Deep problems never go away unless they are faced, they only become stronger.
I cannot, nor can anyone else in the world, know what is best for you right now. Only you can know that. Answering that is your first challenge, and you must do so knowing that, regardless of your answer, the decision is hers as well. If you really love her, you must, IMO but for the good of you both, be prepared to lose her. False promises made to keep her are not really a sign of your love for her, but rather of your own fear. Sometimes we must recognize that what is best for those that we love, is something we are not able to give. Letting go is sometimes an act of the greatest and most selfless love.
But that may not be necessary, honey.
This is what I would do:
Tell her the truth. Tell her you want to work things out. Tell her you honestly do not know what is ahead. But tell her she is your best friend, and the most important person in the world to you. Tell her the future is a mystery, but that you do not want to face that mystery without her by your side. Ask her to face it with you, bravely, and with counseling for the both of you. Tell her she is the world to you and that you can overcome this challenge, wherever it leads, if she will just remember that you are still the person she loves, if only she will take your hand and try.
That is what I would do. I am afraid only you can decide what you will do.
Chin up. The sun will still come up tomorrow. All we can ever do, is our best.
Honey, I wish you ALL the best in this.
We are here for you.
Hugs
Baby, I feel so bad for you. You have a difficult time ahead, from the sound of things. For girls like us these issues are sadly normal more often than not. We must first understand, as I am sure you already know, that this is no easy thing for her, either.
Our society tells people there is something wrong with TG types, and reinforces the practice of belittling us. It also assumes, quite incorrectly, that most of us are also gay, which is a secondary blow but none the less equally important from the perspective of your wife. In her mind, she is dealing with many fears and uncertainties, some rational, others likely not. Both of you have some soul searching to do. It is hard, sweetheart, but unavoidable. At this point cool, hard honesty is the only real way forward.
Let's look at the positives. She sounds to be a wonderful person, with at least a partially open mind, right? It also sounds as though she does love you, as you do her, obviously. Both very good things.
But, I can tell you one thing from my own therapy sessions, and that is that once we begin a journey into self discovery, there really is no way to know where it will end. There just isn't. The human brain is the single most complicated thing yet discovered in the entire universe. We still do not even begin to understand how our minds and hearts really work. Mystery is always with us.
I believe it would be in the best interest of you both to seek good counseling in this time, honey. And you must both be prepared for wherever that may lead. If she truly loves you, and vice versus, then the end will be the best for you both, regardless of what that may be. We cannot always see the rosy valley because of the ugly mountain we must climb to get there.
At this point, though, and before you talk to her, YOU must decide which is most important to you, and what you can really face living with. You must be ruthlessly honest with yourself. If you make quick promises now, in order to solve this problem easily, you may find they will come back to haunt you later. Deep problems never go away unless they are faced, they only become stronger.
I cannot, nor can anyone else in the world, know what is best for you right now. Only you can know that. Answering that is your first challenge, and you must do so knowing that, regardless of your answer, the decision is hers as well. If you really love her, you must, IMO but for the good of you both, be prepared to lose her. False promises made to keep her are not really a sign of your love for her, but rather of your own fear. Sometimes we must recognize that what is best for those that we love, is something we are not able to give. Letting go is sometimes an act of the greatest and most selfless love.
But that may not be necessary, honey.
This is what I would do:
Tell her the truth. Tell her you want to work things out. Tell her you honestly do not know what is ahead. But tell her she is your best friend, and the most important person in the world to you. Tell her the future is a mystery, but that you do not want to face that mystery without her by your side. Ask her to face it with you, bravely, and with counseling for the both of you. Tell her she is the world to you and that you can overcome this challenge, wherever it leads, if she will just remember that you are still the person she loves, if only she will take your hand and try.
That is what I would do. I am afraid only you can decide what you will do.
Chin up. The sun will still come up tomorrow. All we can ever do, is our best.
Honey, I wish you ALL the best in this.
We are here for you.
Hugs
(02-02-2014, 04:55 PM)AmandaBust Wrote: Ok, so my wife was less than pleased with my leg shaving. We have been together for 22 years and married for 10 of those, she has always been supportive of my little secret and is attracted to women, especially breasts!
But apparently this has made her realize that she really likes boys more. After all of the discussions of her fantasizing about other women, I guess I stupidly assumed that she would be pleased.
We had a quick talk the other day where she cried and said that she knows that people need to be who they really are and that suppressing it only makes things worse... She asked me if we could still be friends if things were not to work out.
I have been working since 8Pm friday night, here at home, on a major server upgrade that keeps running into issues with the vendor. I have been on an open conference call since then. Hence my many posts. She keeps asking me when it will be over so we can talk.
I am afraid that she is going to tell me that she is leaving me.
I am now more confused than ever, and just when I felt that I was beginning to open up into the person that I really am.
-A
Is it really so important that you have shaved legs?
(02-02-2014, 04:55 PM)AmandaBust Wrote: Ok, so my wife was less than pleased with my leg shaving. We have been together for 22 years and married for 10 of those, she has always been supportive of my little secret and is attracted to women, especially breasts!
But apparently this has made her realize that she really likes boys more. After all of the discussions of her fantasizing about other women, I guess I stupidly assumed that she would be pleased.
We had a quick talk the other day where she cried and said that she knows that people need to be who they really are and that suppressing it only makes things worse... She asked me if we could still be friends if things were not to work out.
I have been working since 8Pm friday night, here at home, on a major server upgrade that keeps running into issues with the vendor. I have been on an open conference call since then. Hence my many posts. She keeps asking me when it will be over so we can talk.
I am afraid that she is going to tell me that she is leaving me.
I am now more confused than ever, and just when I felt that I was beginning to open up into the person that I really am.
-A
Is it really so important that you have shaved legs? Aren't breasts the main thing?
Scotti, your account is very much like my own a few months ago. My wife was frightened and worried. I, too, was worried that I had made a mistake by coming out to her. In the past, I had hinted at my female identity and got mixed signals. I had no idea how she would react when I told her about my true feelings, that day.
At first she was worried and scared. She immediately wanted to be assured that if we split up, I would treat her equitably. I told her that I didn't want us to split, that she was the love of my life, but if it came to that, she would not be financially crippled. I again assured her that I didn't want to end our marriage, and asked if she did. She said that she didn't, that she loved me, but, assuming I was gay, she thought I would eventually want a male lover. I had to assure her that I was not gay, that I'm only attracted to women and would always be that way.
We had frequent talks over the course of two weeks that served to bolster both our beliefs that our marriage was going to hold together. I gave my wife stuff to read about gender identity disorder which we also discussed. Much of the time she just listened to me. If I pressed her for her thoughts, her usual response was that she's confused.
Then, one day, I mentioned that I felt like dressing up in woman's lingerie, and would she object if I did. She said she didn't mind, if that's what I wanted. I asked her if she minded if I borrowed a pair of her hose that she'd packed away in the attic. She took down the container and picked out hose, bras, and panties that I could keep for myself. She acted genuinely helpful and cooperative. I was so happy, I could hardly contain my joy.
Discussions continued and things progressed until, today, my wife is completely comfortable with my womanly ways. Our sex life is better, too. Things that she used to say were off limits, she's no longer against. I can dress en femme around the house as much as I want. She's so understanding and helpful. She been sewing me a polo dress that I expressed interest in for every day use. She's even open to my trying wigs and makeup, something I have yet to do.
One of the things that she really likes about the change in me is that I treat her with so much more respect than I did as a 100% man. My herbal program is largely responsible for that, but also my being free to be myself makes it so much easier to love others.
Good luck, Scotti. I hope my story will be an encouragement to you. Don't give up. Be patient. Keep the lines of communication open. Respect the limits your wife wants now, they will not be permanent. You'll see.
Clara
At first she was worried and scared. She immediately wanted to be assured that if we split up, I would treat her equitably. I told her that I didn't want us to split, that she was the love of my life, but if it came to that, she would not be financially crippled. I again assured her that I didn't want to end our marriage, and asked if she did. She said that she didn't, that she loved me, but, assuming I was gay, she thought I would eventually want a male lover. I had to assure her that I was not gay, that I'm only attracted to women and would always be that way.
We had frequent talks over the course of two weeks that served to bolster both our beliefs that our marriage was going to hold together. I gave my wife stuff to read about gender identity disorder which we also discussed. Much of the time she just listened to me. If I pressed her for her thoughts, her usual response was that she's confused.
Then, one day, I mentioned that I felt like dressing up in woman's lingerie, and would she object if I did. She said she didn't mind, if that's what I wanted. I asked her if she minded if I borrowed a pair of her hose that she'd packed away in the attic. She took down the container and picked out hose, bras, and panties that I could keep for myself. She acted genuinely helpful and cooperative. I was so happy, I could hardly contain my joy.
Discussions continued and things progressed until, today, my wife is completely comfortable with my womanly ways. Our sex life is better, too. Things that she used to say were off limits, she's no longer against. I can dress en femme around the house as much as I want. She's so understanding and helpful. She been sewing me a polo dress that I expressed interest in for every day use. She's even open to my trying wigs and makeup, something I have yet to do.
One of the things that she really likes about the change in me is that I treat her with so much more respect than I did as a 100% man. My herbal program is largely responsible for that, but also my being free to be myself makes it so much easier to love others.
Good luck, Scotti. I hope my story will be an encouragement to you. Don't give up. Be patient. Keep the lines of communication open. Respect the limits your wife wants now, they will not be permanent. You'll see.
Clara
Thank you Samantha, you are a doll! I will take your wisdom under consideration in my decision. I have been suppressing this since I was 4 or 5 with varying degrees of success.
Recently I have felt more feminine, I do not know why, perhaps its low-T. The past few weeks have awakened real feelings, something I have always suppressed because I am a Male and that is how men are. Right or not, it is an expectation nonetheless. It is like seeing in color for the first time.
Anyway, I guess what I am saying is that I would give up breathing for her, not being able to express myself seems pretty small regardless of what detrimental effects it may have on my mental health.
Perhaps therapy is the right choice.
-A
Recently I have felt more feminine, I do not know why, perhaps its low-T. The past few weeks have awakened real feelings, something I have always suppressed because I am a Male and that is how men are. Right or not, it is an expectation nonetheless. It is like seeing in color for the first time.
Anyway, I guess what I am saying is that I would give up breathing for her, not being able to express myself seems pretty small regardless of what detrimental effects it may have on my mental health.
Perhaps therapy is the right choice.
-A
No the pantyhose is really not that important, and certainly not worth all of this! I do have breasts, that is correct, but that is not the extent of my being feminine.
I am walking in a whole new forest, I just wanted to explore a little bit...
-A
I am walking in a whole new forest, I just wanted to explore a little bit...
-A
Thank you very much for sharing your experiences Clara, it is very helpful to know that I am not alone in this struggle!
Hopefully, things will work out as well as they have for you!
-A
Hopefully, things will work out as well as they have for you!
-A
Yes, the pink fog can envelope you quickly and totally once you let it. She is a powerful mistress.
I know you will make the right decision, sweetheart. Whatever happens, we have your back, and you can count on it.
Hug
I know you will make the right decision, sweetheart. Whatever happens, we have your back, and you can count on it.
Hug
This post was last modified: 02-02-2014, 06:39 PM by Samantha Rogers.
(02-02-2014, 06:37 PM)Samantha Rogers Wrote: Yes, the pink fog can envelope you quickly and totally once you let it. She is a powerful mistress.
I know you will make the right decision, sweetheart. Whatever happens, we have your back, and you can count on it.
Hug
Hugs!!
You are so sweet, thank you Samantha!
More Hugs!
-A
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