[beverley.rose]

I received a mail notification that I had received some PMs here and I came back to get them and I find WW3 in full swing.

Let me lay a few misconceptions to rest:

1. Chrissie has NEVER encouraged me to transition. Never once. I came here thinking I wanted to be a man with boobs but PM changed that for me. PM - not Chrissie.

2. If any of you have ever interacted with the TS community then you would know that a TS will never encourage another person to transition. They will talk to you about it if you ask and they usually discourage you and they always tell you to get therapy. When one of you said that one of my postings encouraged her to start PM I was bemused at the time, but now it worries me. I feel a dreadful sense of responsibility that I could be sending anyone else down the path I hurtling down.

3. Although Bryony and I discussed much in the PMs and I was quite open with her, my point was to emphasize that, for some of us, PM totally changes your mindset. For most this does not seem to happen but for some of us it does and when it does it can be devastating. PM can take away your choices no matter how dearly you hold them. This has happened to me. Bryony referred to me as a 'victim' in one post - and I am. I am a victim of PM and oestrogen.

4. I would like to ask for my privacy to be respected. Details disclosed in private messages are meant to be private between the sender and the receiver. I would like those details to remain private and not be posted on open forums. I am not accusing anyone of anything, I am merely making a request.

5. The main reason I have left is because this is a forum for men who want boobs and not a TS forum. Given the recent postings I feel I was right to leave. Recent postings here have shown me how little I understand some of you and what drives and motivates you. The fault is mine, not yours but I stand on the far side of a divide from you, one that I cannot cross back over.

6. A comment was posted about my relations with my wife. One of the reasons I need to get professional medical help is for counselling so that I can resolve these problems. They will not go away nor is this forum the place to discuss them. I need more help than anyone here can give me.


Now I cannot stop you all discussing me in my absence, but please understand that there is more going on in the background to my life than I have disclosed either here on in any private messages. The issues are serious and are not trivial. They will cause everyone around me much heartbreak and a resolution needs to be found, but there are no simple answers. This process is going to take time and I need to devote my full effort to it.

I have said what I want to say and I am done now. Please calm down and return this forum back to the peaceful, helpful place it once was.

With love to all of you

Beverley

x x

[bryony]

Dear Beverley,

I understand you may not read this and if you, will probably not respond.

But, as I am likely a root cause of all this, for the best of reasons, I will respond.

1. Chrissie has NEVER encouraged me to transition. Never once. I came here thinking I wanted to be a man with boobs but PM changed that for me. PM - not Chrissie.

I made this accusation, and if it was unjust, I apologise to Chrissie. However, the increasingly abusive remarks by her about people who do not fit the societal norms of men and women (which is rather rich coming from a transsexual) made it a reasonable conclusion to draw. Especially as your public postings had always implied that you were happy to transition using the safe, herbal, natural route combined with other public postings that indicated that you were friends led to a conclusion that even Sherlock Holmes may have drawn. All of a sudden, we hear that you are considering the surgeon's knife! This was a shock, and upsetting. Then we hear from Chrissie that men who want to be women and remain fully functional are "twats"! Yes, we have come a long way from the 50s and 60s, haven't we?

2. If any of you have ever interacted with the TS community then you would know that a TS will never encourage another person to transition. They will talk to you about it if you ask and they usually discourage you and they always tell you to get therapy. When one of you said that one of my postings encouraged her to start PM I was bemused at the time, but now it worries me. I feel a dreadful sense of responsibility that I could be sending anyone else down the path I hurtling down.

I'm sorry, but how are you expert on what constitutes a TS community? Are there now TS societal norms which must be conformed to? Beverley, you are letting yourself be put into a straitjacket.

A female child is not born with an inherent desire to put on cosmetics and stockings.

A community consists of members, and if these members suffer from TS, happen to be married and don't want to turn their wives into lesbians then the worst you can call it is an "unconventional" TS community... and one that I am happy to belong to.

So did anyone from your "conventional" TS community try to discourage you?

3. Although Bryony and I discussed much in the PMs and I was quite open with her, my point was to emphasize that, for some of us, PM totally changes your mindset. For most this does not seem to happen but for some of us it does and when it does it can be devastating. PM can take away your choices no matter how dearly you hold them. This has happened to me. Bryony referred to me as a 'victim' in one post - and I am. I am a victim of PM and oestrogen.

To which I say the same as I would to someone taking a drug like heroine or cocaine that is in danger of destroying their lives or marriage. Stop taking it! The cocaine user will also bleat "but I can't" - rubbish. See a therapist - get help from someone who will help you get back to your old condition and get implants instead. You are using this "victim" label as a crutch to help you achieve a goal which has a good chance of destroying your marriage.

4. I would like to ask for my privacy to be respected. Details disclosed in private messages are meant to be private between the sender and the receiver. I would like those details to remain private and not be posted on open forums. I am not accusing anyone of anything, I am merely making a request.

Notwithstanding your reassurance, it was never my intention to deliberately reveal anything you deemed private. If I did, I am sorry!

5. The main reason I have left is because this is a forum for men who want boobs and not a TS forum.

Again, being a TS is not about cosmetics, clothes, and cutting off your penis. It is about an unfortunate congenital defect. I suppose what you are saying is that only "conventional" TS sufferers deserve your support? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but your comment seems unkind - not like you at all.

Given the recent postings I feel I was right to leave. Recent postings here have shown me how little I understand some of you and what drives and motivates you.

Not a good reason to run away, really. Understanding is the key to happiness.

The fault is mine, not yours but I stand on the far side of a divide from you, one that I cannot cross back over.

You tell yourself this because it makes your irrational decision easier.

I think you should stay, and have the courage to debate your reasoning. If you were honest, you are not able to string together a coherent thought to explain why you are doing this other than "I can't help it, I'm a victim". With all the love in my soul, I say to you: "Pull yourself together. Stop taking PM and have a cold shower. Make love to your wife the way you used to in happier times. Stop going to a TS "support group" consisting of sad old men who have had their penises removed."

6. A comment was posted about my relations with my wife. One of the reasons I need to get professional medical help is for counselling so that I can resolve these problems. They will not go away nor is this forum the place to discuss them. I need more help than anyone here can give me.

Unfortunately, the "professional medical help" will be conditioned to give you what you want, to the detriment of your family.

Now I cannot stop you all discussing me in my absence, but please understand that there is more going on in the background to my life than I have disclosed either here on in any private messages. The issues are serious and are not trivial. They will cause everyone around me much heartbreak and a resolution needs to be found, but there are no simple answers.

There is one simple answer. Wait.

Bryony, with love.

[Vesperia]

The moral of the story? Don't take 3000mg a day of PM. It's too much.

[bryony]

The moral of the story? Don't take 3000mg a day of PM. It's too much.

Hi Vesperia,

I think you are right. Currently I have been taking that amount to totally remove my gender dysphoria anxieties, but see my post "Managing the TS condition - a heretical approach?"

B.