First post is copied across from another thread for clarity
Strange effects - Off PM for the time being!
Hi,
Many of you will be aware that I use PM now primarily for the mind-balancing effects, rather than the "usual" effects. I found a lot of (even complete?) relief from obsessional thought (particularly TS-type issues) and anxiety, dread etc.
Early on I was following a regime of "cold turkey" one week in 4, primarily to avoid eventual impotence and the theoretical "brain rewiring" that some people think happens after prolonged hormone ingestion.
When I started taking Butea Superba and Maca daily, I found that I did not need to go "cold turkey" for the primary reason (fear of impotence) and was coming around to the idea that the "brain rewiring" theory may be fallacious.
Something odd happened last weekend. Unfortunately, it coincided with my running out of Maca, so it is hard to pin down.
Instead of being relaxed and non-obsessional, the reverse applied.
I was getting into a deep gloom, mainly about the futility of it all, being stuck in an ugly male body etc, then it occurred to me that this was exactly what I was taking PM to fix!
On a hunch I went cold turkey... this was Monday. By yesterday (Wednesday) I was as right as rain, whistling and laughing and I still feel cheerful.
I should note that I had got another bottle of Maca at about the same time.... (damn those 3rd variables!)
So this is really weird. I don't want to start tampering with variables, as the main objective is maintain mental balance; but right now, all I am taking is B.S. and Maca.
I can't believe that my mental balance is solely due to Maca, because I started taking it long after PM fixed the problem for me.
So could it be the mysterious "brain rewiring"? Have I taken so much PM that my brain decided it was time for the next level? Is cold turkey == cold start/reboot/reset ?
Only time will tell. I will keep you posted.
B.
Strange effects - Off PM for the time being!
Hi,
Many of you will be aware that I use PM now primarily for the mind-balancing effects, rather than the "usual" effects. I found a lot of (even complete?) relief from obsessional thought (particularly TS-type issues) and anxiety, dread etc.
Early on I was following a regime of "cold turkey" one week in 4, primarily to avoid eventual impotence and the theoretical "brain rewiring" that some people think happens after prolonged hormone ingestion.
When I started taking Butea Superba and Maca daily, I found that I did not need to go "cold turkey" for the primary reason (fear of impotence) and was coming around to the idea that the "brain rewiring" theory may be fallacious.
Something odd happened last weekend. Unfortunately, it coincided with my running out of Maca, so it is hard to pin down.
Instead of being relaxed and non-obsessional, the reverse applied.
I was getting into a deep gloom, mainly about the futility of it all, being stuck in an ugly male body etc, then it occurred to me that this was exactly what I was taking PM to fix!
On a hunch I went cold turkey... this was Monday. By yesterday (Wednesday) I was as right as rain, whistling and laughing and I still feel cheerful.
I should note that I had got another bottle of Maca at about the same time.... (damn those 3rd variables!)
So this is really weird. I don't want to start tampering with variables, as the main objective is maintain mental balance; but right now, all I am taking is B.S. and Maca.
I can't believe that my mental balance is solely due to Maca, because I started taking it long after PM fixed the problem for me.
So could it be the mysterious "brain rewiring"? Have I taken so much PM that my brain decided it was time for the next level? Is cold turkey == cold start/reboot/reset ?
Only time will tell. I will keep you posted.
B.
So this is the update to the first post:
I got into a really weird state on full dosage PM. I had run out of Maca, which Isabelle tells me may have worsened the situation.
I had found that I was starting to daydream about life in transition, even though this is the last thing that is practical or wanted. Each time I looked in the mirror I was feeling depressed at the hopelessness of ever looking like I wanted to.
I realised that this was exactly why I had kept taking PM!
I went cold turkey, maintaining my dosage of Maca and B.S.
By the next day I felt much better, and the day after that, euphoric!
Only at the end of a full week did my thoughts return to my old interest in transsexual fantasies etc, which I hate, so I returned to a dose of 2-3 pills per day. (Of no minor importance, my breasts were also becoming less erogenous).
So far, I am back to "normality" as I want it. Happy, disinterested in porn, masturbation and sex changes.
When I wrote THIS , I had a gut instinct that long term use did indeed start to "reprogram" your brain as reported by Beverley.Rose, and my plan was to avoid it by going cold turkey once a month.
Subsequent postings by others led me to believe that this was an unnecessary worry - now I am not so sure.
Perhaps there is a subclass of people born with a, for want of a better word, "TS-type" brain who really are desperately in need of an estrogen level to keep sane, but who also are sensitive to reprogramming to the extent that they feel a powerful urge to "complete" the transition. If so, I may well be one of them
Therefore, I will return to Plan A. It cannot hurt, and I fully intend to be in control of my own destiny as much as possible, and not be a leaf tossed about on the waves.
It took about 7 months to get from my last cold turkey to here, so I don't think monthly is necessary - for me. I'll see how it goes.
I will be on the alert for future morbid fascinations however, and at that point, cold turkey for me!
I hope this is useful data for others in my situation!
B.
PS just to clarify, if I was single, younger, with a spare £100k to spend on making my face passable, I'd have done it like a shot.
However, I have always felt that my loved ones' happiness is more important than cravings brought on by my brain disorder.
I got into a really weird state on full dosage PM. I had run out of Maca, which Isabelle tells me may have worsened the situation.
I had found that I was starting to daydream about life in transition, even though this is the last thing that is practical or wanted. Each time I looked in the mirror I was feeling depressed at the hopelessness of ever looking like I wanted to.
I realised that this was exactly why I had kept taking PM!
I went cold turkey, maintaining my dosage of Maca and B.S.
By the next day I felt much better, and the day after that, euphoric!
Only at the end of a full week did my thoughts return to my old interest in transsexual fantasies etc, which I hate, so I returned to a dose of 2-3 pills per day. (Of no minor importance, my breasts were also becoming less erogenous).
So far, I am back to "normality" as I want it. Happy, disinterested in porn, masturbation and sex changes.
When I wrote THIS , I had a gut instinct that long term use did indeed start to "reprogram" your brain as reported by Beverley.Rose, and my plan was to avoid it by going cold turkey once a month.
Subsequent postings by others led me to believe that this was an unnecessary worry - now I am not so sure.
Perhaps there is a subclass of people born with a, for want of a better word, "TS-type" brain who really are desperately in need of an estrogen level to keep sane, but who also are sensitive to reprogramming to the extent that they feel a powerful urge to "complete" the transition. If so, I may well be one of them
Therefore, I will return to Plan A. It cannot hurt, and I fully intend to be in control of my own destiny as much as possible, and not be a leaf tossed about on the waves.
It took about 7 months to get from my last cold turkey to here, so I don't think monthly is necessary - for me. I'll see how it goes.
I will be on the alert for future morbid fascinations however, and at that point, cold turkey for me!
I hope this is useful data for others in my situation!
B.
PS just to clarify, if I was single, younger, with a spare £100k to spend on making my face passable, I'd have done it like a shot.
However, I have always felt that my loved ones' happiness is more important than cravings brought on by my brain disorder.
Perhaps you are "modified" enough now that a more typical dose of PM will suffice to ward off the unhappy state without carrying you to the next stage. Since you aren't interested in NBE for BE, maybe you could try 1x500mg/day or at most 2. I certainly found that those levels are more than enough for my mental stability and keeps the growth I have. I know that in the past you found that you needed a huge dose of 3g/day or more, but it sure sounds like your situation has changed.
The one mental change I've noticed since starting on PM is a disinterest in porn and masturbation. I don't see this as a bad thing, so I haven't tried going cold turkey to see what happens.
I don't think I'm quite following everything you've said but here I go.
As far as brain-rewiring goes, do you think the herbs themselves help you to achieve the right mental balance? Or is it the belief the herbs will help you avert being stuck with a 'ugly male body' that gives you a good mental balance?
I don't think I'm quite following everything you've said but here I go.
(06-06-2012, 12:56 PM)bryony Wrote: I was getting into a deep gloom, mainly about the futility of it all, being stuck in an ugly male body etc, then it occurred to me that this was exactly what I was taking PM to fix!
As far as brain-rewiring goes, do you think the herbs themselves help you to achieve the right mental balance? Or is it the belief the herbs will help you avert being stuck with a 'ugly male body' that gives you a good mental balance?
This post was last modified: 06-06-2012, 09:22 PM by flamesabers.
I was referring to what bryony said and not you sfem.
(06-06-2012, 04:14 PM)sfem Wrote: Perhaps you are "modified" enough now that a more typical dose of PM will suffice to ward off the unhappy state without carrying you to the next stage. Since you aren't interested in NBE for BE, maybe you could try 1x500mg/day or at most 2. I certainly found that those levels are more than enough for my mental stability and keeps the growth I have. I know that in the past you found that you needed a huge dose of 3g/day or more, but it sure sounds like your situation has changed.
Hi Sfem,
I think you may be right. It's a bit early to say. We are, after all, a big squishy bag of chemicals!
I am taking 2-3 pills per day at the moment, and all seems well. I wll keep track and update. Nothing is stable, it seems!
B.
(06-06-2012, 05:05 PM)flamesabers Wrote: The one mental change I've noticed since starting on PM is a disinterest in porn and masturbation. I don't see this as a bad thing, so I haven't tried going cold turkey to see what happens.
I don't think I'm quite following everything you've said but here I go.
(06-06-2012, 12:56 PM)bryony Wrote: I was getting into a deep gloom, mainly about the futility of it all, being stuck in an ugly male body etc, then it occurred to me that this was exactly what I was taking PM to fix!
As far as brain-rewiring goes, do you think the herbs themselves help you to achieve the right mental balance? Or is it the belief the herbs will help you avert being stuck with a 'ugly male body' that gives you a good mental balance?
Hi,
(nice avatar!)
No, it's the herbs/estrogen that helps me to achieve the right mental balance that means I don't care about the ugly male body - at least until recently. That's the worry about the brain rewiring.
All ok at the moment though!
B.[/u]
So - almost 2 weeks on 2x500g per day!
No problems. Very little gloom other than ordinary.
What's going on?
Left breast practically fills an A cup now... could that be it? Sufficient feminity?
Also, 2 pills a day are supposed to be the maintenance dose, yet I still feel tender -> still growing?
Someone suggest that I might be aromatising, but I still have sufficient testosterone to be FF.
This stuff never ceases to amaze me!
B.
No problems. Very little gloom other than ordinary.
What's going on?
Left breast practically fills an A cup now... could that be it? Sufficient feminity?
Also, 2 pills a day are supposed to be the maintenance dose, yet I still feel tender -> still growing?
Someone suggest that I might be aromatising, but I still have sufficient testosterone to be FF.
This stuff never ceases to amaze me!
B.
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