This question comes up often and warrants a thoughtful and thorough answer.
If you've jumped into NBE on a whim, chances are that one day you will begin questioning the wisdom of that decision. It may be triggered by the shock of seeing your reflection in the mirror for the first time with your newly budding breasts poking through your T-shirt. It may happen the first time you find that you don't get the arousal response that you're used to during a romantic interlude. The reality of your decision may strike home when you have to decline an invitation to a pool party because you're embarrassed to remove your shirt. Or, maybe, you've been avoiding telling your spouse what you've been doing, but the cat's out of bag, and she is not at all happy about what you are doing.
All anyone can tell you here at Breast Nexus is that those, as well as possible sterility, job loss, and other consequences can follow one's pursuit of breast growth and related feminization as a male. It's very important to think things through carefully before undertaking a breast growth program. Natural phyto-estrogen herbs like Pueraria Mirifica are very effective in stimulating breast growth and other physical and mental changes in the course of just a few months.
But, there are instances when even after careful consideration of your desires for breast growth, after serious assessment of the potential risks vs. rewards that leads to a decision to go ahead with NBE, you may unexpectedly start having second thoughts, even a sudden rejection of everything you've been doing. What gives?
Very often, the motivation to start taking estrogenic herbs is to quell the mental discomfort or distress that is caused by a discrepancy between one’s gender identity and one's sex assigned at birth. This 'gender dysphoria' is often relieved when estrogen receptors in the brain are supplied with certain phyto-estrogen substances. Sometimes, within a just a few weeks of starting the herb, the mental anxiety gives way to a new calmness and clearness of thought. If all or part of your reason for starting a daily herbal regimen was to find relief from mental discomfort, certain compulsive behaviors, or desires to feminize your body, the result is often a cessation of these symptoms. This outcome is, in fact, an indication of the existence of a cross gender identity. At some point you may not feel the need to continue with the program, or to at least begin to question the original rationale for pursuing NBE as the reality of the situation becomes clearer.
Of course, your motivations for engaging in NBE may be for other reasons, and the misgivings may simply be a natural consequence of having a significant male gender identity along with your newly discovered female identity. We tend to focus on the female here, providing information and advice on how to satisfy the needs of our inner woman; breast growth being at the top of the list. This inner woman is a new discovery for many of us, and like all things new and exciting, we tend to lavish attention on her. Once you start taking the herbs, these feelings are intense and the excitement palpable during the early stages. There's a rush to experience the joys of feeling, acting, and looking female. It hits us like a bolt out of the blue. Our male identity gets pushed aside temporarily in the euphoria that often accompanies a daily dose of estrogen.
But one's male gender identity, such that it is, is not gone. In time your male identity will reassert itself, and the once strong desire to grow breasts will often be followed by doubts and reassessment, even to the point of stopping the program. But, then the old gender dysphoria returns, and the desire to go back on the estrogen returns. This on-again-off-again merry-go-round can be emotionally difficult to deal with if you don't anticipate and prepare for it.
One advantage of NBE over synthetic HRT is the extra time it allows to sort out what's really right for you--to find the right balance. There's something to be said for a transition that progresses slowly and carefully, allowing time for reassessment and verification of initial assumptions along the way. Irreparable damage can be done by progressing too far, too fast. We're not just talking about irreversible breast growth, which can cost thousands of dollars to correct surgically, there are lives of people that could be turned upside down in the process.
If you are having these second thoughts about pursuing NBE, it might make sense to take a break and reassess. At least try slowing your program down to allow time to adjust to the changes. Take the time to experience the four seasons with the beginnings of breasts, see how you deal with your new gender expression in various situations. Make sure you and your wife are on the same page, if possible. She, too, needs time to recover from the jolt that she felt when you came out to her about your cross gender inclinations.
So, the doubts you are experiencing are natural and, in fact, a blessing. It will insure that you don't drive off the gender cliff under the intoxicating influence of the 'pink fog'. You will probably over compensate to the male side for awhile before realizing it's not the answer either. You'll come back to herbal HRT with a more realistic and steadfast outlook in the future. If you are patient, you will find your optimal balance point. Please, use your head as you follow your heart.
Clara Kay
If you've jumped into NBE on a whim, chances are that one day you will begin questioning the wisdom of that decision. It may be triggered by the shock of seeing your reflection in the mirror for the first time with your newly budding breasts poking through your T-shirt. It may happen the first time you find that you don't get the arousal response that you're used to during a romantic interlude. The reality of your decision may strike home when you have to decline an invitation to a pool party because you're embarrassed to remove your shirt. Or, maybe, you've been avoiding telling your spouse what you've been doing, but the cat's out of bag, and she is not at all happy about what you are doing.
All anyone can tell you here at Breast Nexus is that those, as well as possible sterility, job loss, and other consequences can follow one's pursuit of breast growth and related feminization as a male. It's very important to think things through carefully before undertaking a breast growth program. Natural phyto-estrogen herbs like Pueraria Mirifica are very effective in stimulating breast growth and other physical and mental changes in the course of just a few months.
But, there are instances when even after careful consideration of your desires for breast growth, after serious assessment of the potential risks vs. rewards that leads to a decision to go ahead with NBE, you may unexpectedly start having second thoughts, even a sudden rejection of everything you've been doing. What gives?
Very often, the motivation to start taking estrogenic herbs is to quell the mental discomfort or distress that is caused by a discrepancy between one’s gender identity and one's sex assigned at birth. This 'gender dysphoria' is often relieved when estrogen receptors in the brain are supplied with certain phyto-estrogen substances. Sometimes, within a just a few weeks of starting the herb, the mental anxiety gives way to a new calmness and clearness of thought. If all or part of your reason for starting a daily herbal regimen was to find relief from mental discomfort, certain compulsive behaviors, or desires to feminize your body, the result is often a cessation of these symptoms. This outcome is, in fact, an indication of the existence of a cross gender identity. At some point you may not feel the need to continue with the program, or to at least begin to question the original rationale for pursuing NBE as the reality of the situation becomes clearer.
Of course, your motivations for engaging in NBE may be for other reasons, and the misgivings may simply be a natural consequence of having a significant male gender identity along with your newly discovered female identity. We tend to focus on the female here, providing information and advice on how to satisfy the needs of our inner woman; breast growth being at the top of the list. This inner woman is a new discovery for many of us, and like all things new and exciting, we tend to lavish attention on her. Once you start taking the herbs, these feelings are intense and the excitement palpable during the early stages. There's a rush to experience the joys of feeling, acting, and looking female. It hits us like a bolt out of the blue. Our male identity gets pushed aside temporarily in the euphoria that often accompanies a daily dose of estrogen.
But one's male gender identity, such that it is, is not gone. In time your male identity will reassert itself, and the once strong desire to grow breasts will often be followed by doubts and reassessment, even to the point of stopping the program. But, then the old gender dysphoria returns, and the desire to go back on the estrogen returns. This on-again-off-again merry-go-round can be emotionally difficult to deal with if you don't anticipate and prepare for it.
One advantage of NBE over synthetic HRT is the extra time it allows to sort out what's really right for you--to find the right balance. There's something to be said for a transition that progresses slowly and carefully, allowing time for reassessment and verification of initial assumptions along the way. Irreparable damage can be done by progressing too far, too fast. We're not just talking about irreversible breast growth, which can cost thousands of dollars to correct surgically, there are lives of people that could be turned upside down in the process.
If you are having these second thoughts about pursuing NBE, it might make sense to take a break and reassess. At least try slowing your program down to allow time to adjust to the changes. Take the time to experience the four seasons with the beginnings of breasts, see how you deal with your new gender expression in various situations. Make sure you and your wife are on the same page, if possible. She, too, needs time to recover from the jolt that she felt when you came out to her about your cross gender inclinations.
So, the doubts you are experiencing are natural and, in fact, a blessing. It will insure that you don't drive off the gender cliff under the intoxicating influence of the 'pink fog'. You will probably over compensate to the male side for awhile before realizing it's not the answer either. You'll come back to herbal HRT with a more realistic and steadfast outlook in the future. If you are patient, you will find your optimal balance point. Please, use your head as you follow your heart.
Clara Kay
This post was last modified: 20-03-2014, 11:56 AM by GoneGirl.
Okay, you've been growing your breasts for a year or more now. It seemed like the right thing to do when you discovered your transgender identity, and it's been a wonderful experience in so many ways. But your life has taken a new turn, and having female-like breasts has become a liability. What are options at this point?
Assuming that you have tried the various methods of hiding your breasts and found them ineffective or just not practical, surgical removal of the breast tissue is possible. Many men who develop enlarged breasts due to hormonal imbalance, a condition called gynecomastia, elect to have their chests reshaped surgically. The cost of the surgery is in the range of $3 -5K. Be sure to check your medical insurance policy to see if it covers any of the cost.
Here is a video the shows a surgical procedure for removing the breast tissue of a man with gynecomastia.
First, liposuction was performed on the patient's chest to remove excess fatty tissue:
Then, the actual breast tissue is excised:
I'm not trying to discourage anyone from undertaking breast development using NBE methods. But, I do encourage thinking through the risks vs the rewards in going down this path. Breast glandular tissue growth is irreversible, so short of surgical removal, you will have to live with it to your delight or regret.
Clara Kay
Assuming that you have tried the various methods of hiding your breasts and found them ineffective or just not practical, surgical removal of the breast tissue is possible. Many men who develop enlarged breasts due to hormonal imbalance, a condition called gynecomastia, elect to have their chests reshaped surgically. The cost of the surgery is in the range of $3 -5K. Be sure to check your medical insurance policy to see if it covers any of the cost.
Here is a video the shows a surgical procedure for removing the breast tissue of a man with gynecomastia.
First, liposuction was performed on the patient's chest to remove excess fatty tissue:
Then, the actual breast tissue is excised:
I'm not trying to discourage anyone from undertaking breast development using NBE methods. But, I do encourage thinking through the risks vs the rewards in going down this path. Breast glandular tissue growth is irreversible, so short of surgical removal, you will have to live with it to your delight or regret.
Clara Kay
This post was last modified: 30-03-2014, 04:08 PM by GoneGirl.
A very thoughtful and well written piece, Clara. Everyone should listen to this as there is a lot of wisdom here.
The only point I might amend, is this statement:
"But one's male gender identity, such that it is, is not gone. In time your male identity will reassert itself, and the once strong desire to grow breasts will often be followed by doubts and reassessment, even to the point of stopping the program."
In most cases this is probably accurate, at least to a degree, differing with the individual. We are not, by any means, all the same, and each of us, wrestling with a GID, occupies a space someone on a vast and non-linear spectrum, some only a little left of male, and others virtually totally female in all but physicality. Where exactly one falls in that vast spectrum, along with the specifics of each individuals life (family, finances, emotional status in ways not specifically related to gender etc), will determine how our male side decides to reassert itself, and to what degree, and indeed if at all.
Some will never experience this male resurgence at all, and welcome every step wholeheartedly as nothing but blessed relief.
But, I think it is safe to say that for the majority, whose GID falls somewhere in the middle, everything Clara describes in accurate.
It is important for anyone embarking on this path to do so with eyes wide open to the consequences, known and unknown, and to listen to their bodies and hearts at every stage, and to do so with a mental clarity we do not always, wrapped up in "pink fog", wish to exhibit.
The only point I might amend, is this statement:
"But one's male gender identity, such that it is, is not gone. In time your male identity will reassert itself, and the once strong desire to grow breasts will often be followed by doubts and reassessment, even to the point of stopping the program."
In most cases this is probably accurate, at least to a degree, differing with the individual. We are not, by any means, all the same, and each of us, wrestling with a GID, occupies a space someone on a vast and non-linear spectrum, some only a little left of male, and others virtually totally female in all but physicality. Where exactly one falls in that vast spectrum, along with the specifics of each individuals life (family, finances, emotional status in ways not specifically related to gender etc), will determine how our male side decides to reassert itself, and to what degree, and indeed if at all.
Some will never experience this male resurgence at all, and welcome every step wholeheartedly as nothing but blessed relief.
But, I think it is safe to say that for the majority, whose GID falls somewhere in the middle, everything Clara describes in accurate.
It is important for anyone embarking on this path to do so with eyes wide open to the consequences, known and unknown, and to listen to their bodies and hearts at every stage, and to do so with a mental clarity we do not always, wrapped up in "pink fog", wish to exhibit.
Thanks, Sammie. Yes, you're right that many to the far opposite end of the gender spectrum may never experience a reemergence of their male identity -- if it was ever there in the first place. I wanted to emphasize the point that second thoughts occur all too often, especially for those who have lived a male role for many years, and were able to cope with their gender dysphoria reasonably well. There is also the possibility that the desire for breasts is based on sexual fetish rather than a true inborn cross gender personality. Better to err on the side of caution than pursue NBE over confident as to where the journey will end.
Clara
Clara
Hi Clara,
as always. you raise many very real questions and thoughts which we should all be aware of.
I do so wonder if it is a spring time thing, the natural juices are running high and one or two of us seem to be raising doubts as to the wisdom of this course.
It seems to be fairly common, and when one considers it, perfectly understandable, that those of us on this path who are not single mindedly going after a life time goal of being female have periodic doubts and questions. We are, after all, in life changing territory!!
All I can suggest is that each of us has to listen to our own hearts and minds.
Whilst not wishing to lose touch with anyone here, I would also suggest that a break from both the herbs AND this forum is useful in sorting out ones mindset. It is so easy whilst being engulfed in this community to assume that he whole world is like us lot here - of course it isn't in reality.
Speaking personally, I still haven't a clue why I am growing as I am - from choice. Every day I have periods of introspection when I think 'why Oh why' ... but still I am looking at my watch for the time of the next female pill!! And every time I go to the loo, I look at my boobs in the mirror seeking a bit more roundness, a bit more growth, I inspect the size of nipples and areolae etc.
I probably started this in 'fetish mode' as you put it, just liking the feelings and sensations - now, I am not sure that is it at all.... I just love being more feminine, I love the emotions I now have, I like wanting my hair to look nice, I like caring, I want to wear nice clothes, I like the softness of my skin (but now don’t like being scratched by briers or bashing my finger with a hammer etc. which never used to bother me at all), I like the new found closeness with my wife and I adore having growing and sensitive boobs.
So, where am I going in all this - I have no idea. I sort of think that whilst externally still carrying predominantly male characteristics, as long as I dress and act gender neutral to male (at least in public) , it doesn't really matter about boob growth - people don't notice that much anyway and if they do, well there are medical conditions around which could explain it.
The real question though is 'what is going on in my head and body' - that one I cannot, despite considerable reflection, rationalise.
I guess that, as I see it, this is the point - we need to reflect rather than pile in to NBE all guns blazing - but certainly personally speaking, introspection doesn't necessarily provide any definitive answer.
For now though, at 21:44 tonight I don't want to stop NBE - by 21:45 I might have changed my mind - it is a female prerogative you know!!!!
M x
as always. you raise many very real questions and thoughts which we should all be aware of.
I do so wonder if it is a spring time thing, the natural juices are running high and one or two of us seem to be raising doubts as to the wisdom of this course.
It seems to be fairly common, and when one considers it, perfectly understandable, that those of us on this path who are not single mindedly going after a life time goal of being female have periodic doubts and questions. We are, after all, in life changing territory!!
All I can suggest is that each of us has to listen to our own hearts and minds.
Whilst not wishing to lose touch with anyone here, I would also suggest that a break from both the herbs AND this forum is useful in sorting out ones mindset. It is so easy whilst being engulfed in this community to assume that he whole world is like us lot here - of course it isn't in reality.
Speaking personally, I still haven't a clue why I am growing as I am - from choice. Every day I have periods of introspection when I think 'why Oh why' ... but still I am looking at my watch for the time of the next female pill!! And every time I go to the loo, I look at my boobs in the mirror seeking a bit more roundness, a bit more growth, I inspect the size of nipples and areolae etc.
I probably started this in 'fetish mode' as you put it, just liking the feelings and sensations - now, I am not sure that is it at all.... I just love being more feminine, I love the emotions I now have, I like wanting my hair to look nice, I like caring, I want to wear nice clothes, I like the softness of my skin (but now don’t like being scratched by briers or bashing my finger with a hammer etc. which never used to bother me at all), I like the new found closeness with my wife and I adore having growing and sensitive boobs.
So, where am I going in all this - I have no idea. I sort of think that whilst externally still carrying predominantly male characteristics, as long as I dress and act gender neutral to male (at least in public) , it doesn't really matter about boob growth - people don't notice that much anyway and if they do, well there are medical conditions around which could explain it.
The real question though is 'what is going on in my head and body' - that one I cannot, despite considerable reflection, rationalise.
I guess that, as I see it, this is the point - we need to reflect rather than pile in to NBE all guns blazing - but certainly personally speaking, introspection doesn't necessarily provide any definitive answer.
For now though, at 21:44 tonight I don't want to stop NBE - by 21:45 I might have changed my mind - it is a female prerogative you know!!!!
M x
This post was last modified: 31-03-2014, 10:04 PM by Miranda-nata-est.
(31-03-2014, 09:54 PM)Miranda-nata-est Wrote: Hi Clara,
as always. you raise many very real questions and thoughts which we should all be aware of.
I do so wonder if it is a spring time thing, the natural juices are running high and one or two of us seem to be raising doubts as to the wisdom of this course.
It seems to be fairly common, and when one considers it, perfectly understandable, that those of us on this path who are not single mindedly going after a life time goal of being female have periodic doubts and questions. We are, after all, in life changing territory!!
All I can suggest is that each of us has to listen to our own hearts and minds.
Whilst not wishing to lose touch with anyone here, I would also suggest that a break from both the herbs AND this forum is useful in sorting out ones mindset. It is so easy whilst being engulfed in this community to assume that he whole world is like us lot here - of course it isn't in reality.
Speaking personally, I still haven't a clue why I am growing as I am - from choice. Every day I have periods of introspection when I think 'why Oh why' ... but still I am looking at my watch for the time of the next female pill!! And every time I go to the loo, I look at my boobs in the mirror seeking a bit more roundness, a bit more growth, I inspect the size of nipples and areolae etc.
I probably started this in 'fetish mode' as you put it, just liking the feelings and sensations - now, I am not sure that is it at all.... I just love being more feminine, I love the emotions I now have, I like wanting my hair to look nice, I like caring, I want to wear nice clothes, I like the softness of my skin (but now don’t like being scratched by briers or bashing my finger with a hammer etc. which never used to bother me at all), I like the new found closeness with my wife and I adore having growing and sensitive boobs.
So, where am I going in all this - I have no idea. I sort of think that whilst externally still carrying predominantly male characteristics, as long as I dress and act gender neutral to male (at least in public) , it doesn't really matter about boob growth - people don't notice that much anyway and if they do, well there are medical conditions around which could explain it.
The real question though is 'what is going on in my head and body' - that one I cannot, despite considerable reflection, rationalise.
I guess that, as I see it, this is the point - we need to reflect rather than pile in to NBE all guns blazing - but certainly personally speaking, introspection doesn't necessarily provide any definitive answer.
For now though, at 21:44 tonight I don't want to stop NBE - by 21:45 I might have changed my mind - it is a female prerogative you know!!!!
M x
Miranda,
Thank you for posting this. I could also post large sections of it myself, almost verbatim.
Michelle
Very well put, Miranda. Thank you. I feel that you've captured the feelings of many of us -- certainly from my perspective. Your comment about getting caught up in the whirlwind of NBE and feminization is so, so true. It takes on an importance that is often completely unexpected. Are we satisfying a real need, or are we becoming addicted to the euphoric feelings from the dopamine that our brains are producing? Yes, breaks are a good idea, if only to confirm the real motives for the risks we're taking.
I'm coming to the conclusion that for us bi-gendered souls, these periods of second guessing our motives and actions come with the package. Eventually, however, I think we will come to accept the flip-flopping from our male to female personalities, and back again, as just the way we are and always will be. I find myself bolting into full guy mode when a crisis occurs, like when I was taken ill recently. Now as the stress of that experience fades, I'm back to nurturing my feminine side, and I see that she was never really gone, just on the side lines, waiting to re-emerge. It tells me that I need to find a way to accommodate both aspects of my psyche. I guess that's what I mean by "finding a balance".
Are there any other perspectives out there? Feel free to concur or disagree. In this game, there's no one size fits all.
Clara
I'm coming to the conclusion that for us bi-gendered souls, these periods of second guessing our motives and actions come with the package. Eventually, however, I think we will come to accept the flip-flopping from our male to female personalities, and back again, as just the way we are and always will be. I find myself bolting into full guy mode when a crisis occurs, like when I was taken ill recently. Now as the stress of that experience fades, I'm back to nurturing my feminine side, and I see that she was never really gone, just on the side lines, waiting to re-emerge. It tells me that I need to find a way to accommodate both aspects of my psyche. I guess that's what I mean by "finding a balance".
Are there any other perspectives out there? Feel free to concur or disagree. In this game, there's no one size fits all.
Clara
This post was last modified: 31-03-2014, 10:57 PM by GoneGirl.
Just a thought... I have noticed that regardless of how thick the "fog", if circumstances arise that require the male side, I never have a problem jumping right back into that mode. And I don't ever really worry about losing that ability. In my heart I know that both sides are me, and neither side will ever be gone regardless of how I am presenting. Of course, the female side is SO alluring now, but partly I expect this comes from so many years of denial. But what I think of as the male attributes will never be gone. The trick, as I have said many times, is to find a way to get the pendulum to stop swinging back and forth, wherever it stops being meaningless, so long as that place is one where I am comfortable, finally, and able to feel whole and authentic. Thats the key isn't it? To be able to reach a point where both sides are one.
I really hope we all find that place.
I really hope we all find that place.
Yes, Sammie, that is a good way of describing the goal that we all seek. I sense that there are members of this board that have achieved that end. I also sense that these same people have been pursuing that goal for a fair amount of time already. Those of us who have only recently discovered our transgender natures are still dealing with the waves that were produced from that cataclysmic event.
For months now, my two gender identities have been competing with each other. Each trying to subvert and subdue the other. It's emotionally unsettling for me not to be able to trust my own feelings about my gender identity. This mistrust is the source of ongoing anxiety and my having recurring second thoughts about what is right for me.
But this week has given me new hope. While still in guy mode, along with rising T levels as I continue on a month long break from NBE herbs, I've been able to visualize my feminine identity as something to be respected -- even welcomed. I've only now realized that the most important person from whom I need to gain acceptance of my transgender nature is myself. Only by learning to unwind decades of conditioning that encouraged me to favor my male self image and gender role while suppressing my feminine side, will I be able to merge both my masculine and feminine identities into a single stable personality that will lead to a state of mental and emotional well-being.
So that is the task before me. Wish me luck as I do the same for all of you who struggle with the same issues. The solution will be different for each of us, but the shared goal is, as Sammie so eloquently stated: to arrive at that place "where [we are] comfortable, finally, and able to feel whole and authentic".
Clara
For months now, my two gender identities have been competing with each other. Each trying to subvert and subdue the other. It's emotionally unsettling for me not to be able to trust my own feelings about my gender identity. This mistrust is the source of ongoing anxiety and my having recurring second thoughts about what is right for me.
But this week has given me new hope. While still in guy mode, along with rising T levels as I continue on a month long break from NBE herbs, I've been able to visualize my feminine identity as something to be respected -- even welcomed. I've only now realized that the most important person from whom I need to gain acceptance of my transgender nature is myself. Only by learning to unwind decades of conditioning that encouraged me to favor my male self image and gender role while suppressing my feminine side, will I be able to merge both my masculine and feminine identities into a single stable personality that will lead to a state of mental and emotional well-being.
So that is the task before me. Wish me luck as I do the same for all of you who struggle with the same issues. The solution will be different for each of us, but the shared goal is, as Sammie so eloquently stated: to arrive at that place "where [we are] comfortable, finally, and able to feel whole and authentic".
Clara
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