(28-03-2015, 03:03 AM)ClaraKay Wrote: Bryony,
Yes, gender identity is a continuum. We all find ourselves at different points on the spectrum. I'm sure you have a pretty good idea where you fall. But you have no business assuming where I fall.
If you mean my presumption that the worst aspects of GD can be dealt with by medication, you pretty much said the same thing yourself.
Quote:If I had run up against the kind of opposition from my wife as you have from yours (and I expected to),
I didn't "run up". The day I proposed, I confessed to my (what I then supposed was) transvestite impulses. She told me that she still wanted to marry me, but that she wouldn't be able to deal with me dressed as a woman.
So that was my choice. Cards on the table from both parties, as it should be. Nobody forced either of us to get married. Neither of us lied to get into the other party's pants.
Quote:I was prepared to lose everything, except my life, to get out from under what had grown into an intolerable burden.
Was I concerned about the pain that it would cause my wife? Of course I was, and I was prepared to do all I could to lessen it. Fortunately, I have a wife who was also willing to do all she could to lessen mine. I know of several wives of friends who are not, and in most of those cases, it's the transgender who tries to find some middle ground that the wife will begrudgingly agree to.
OK, but how many of these individuals, including you, gave the wife a chance to refuse the proposal of marriage with full disclosure? "Begrudgingly?" now there's a pejorative. So is it the wife's fault that she was expecting to grow old with a man rather than a trans-woman? If I had lied by omission to secure a proposal, "begrudging" is the best I would expect!
Quote:It's not often a stable solution, however, and only serves to increase distrust and resentment between husband and wife.
Rather like the "normal" male of about the same age who goes out having affairs to recover his lost youth. He begs his wife for forgiveness and she begrudglingly gives it. That serves to increase distrust and resentment between husband and wife. See any parallels here?
Quote:You seem to have found a middle ground that works for you, Bryony. Great, I'm happy for you. Each of us needs to find ours.
From what you say, you were either up front with your wife at the start or disclosed it late in the game but were luckly enough to be married to a woman with a greater propensity for sacrifice than those who are prepared to divorce their women so they can live their dream. I'm happy for you too.
But don't kid yourself that I am perfectly happy with my situation. I cannot be.
I, personally
would rather die than make
my loved ones unhappy; so I cannot be happy as a male, and I cannot be happy trying to be a female.
Now consider this, bearing in mind the article in the first post of the "another perspective" thread.
Two transsexuals: one presents as a male because he empathises with his wife;
the other, who hid his transsexuality from his wife until recently, presents as a female despite how much this makes his wife suffer.
Which one exhibits the more typical female traits? Which one the more typical male traits?
B.