[Erin]

Forgive me if this topic has already been covered, but the results submitted here will help me determine my path forward. So I was wondering if you girls could help me. Ladies I am looking to see what emotional and psychological effects real HRT has on you. I'm talking about several things here. I'm mostly interested in the mood swings, severity and frequency, any pattern or cycle that coincides with your program administration (tablets/injections) and emotions you feel. Did or do you cry easily under normal circumstances or during a sad movie or story? Does it make you angry, sad, laugh, all of the above? Does it make you horny even though it takes the lead out of your pencil or turn off all amorous thoughts? I am also interested if anyone went into a dark tunnel with depression, thoughts of suicide or self inflictions? Were you able to keep and manage a job and conduct yourself in public, around family, friends? How obvious is/was to others you are or were taking hormones? How long was it before you experienced these feelings and how long do the episodes last? Does being on hormones make you want more of them, are they addictive? How do they influence your thought, do they make you want to crossdress and go total fem or do they make you feel the opposite? Do they make you make want to clean and organize? Do they change the way you see or feel about yourself? Did you want to diet, work out, be real conscience of how you look? Do you want to judge others more?

Sorry there are a lot of questions here and you don't have to answer them all but I ask that you speak of the things that stick in your mind the most. And for the last question, does anyone feel that using a transdermal gel, like Sandrena, would ease the mood swings because it's a more constant or consistent way of getting hormones into your system?

I know I want breasts, even small ones would be nice, I know I want to feminize my face and body or at least soften my features, I'd like a feminine shape (fat redistribution) to fit in dresses better and I have hopes of passing as a girl one day. I love the concept of being able to pass as both sexes so I don't think full transition is for me but take me as far as my appearance will allow me. Could I pull off taking hormones while keeping a professional appearance and mentality? Granted the breasts will come but there are ways to hide or play them down when needed. Besides my expectations are realistic. I know they won't get too big. I am very stable-minded and do not feel the need for psychological help. I am 47, very successful, have two kids completing college and high school, married of 26yrs and been trans since about 5yrs old. I have hidden my condition all this time, just never had the courage to come out. I am not gay but could possibly be a little bisexual and I am definitely a lesbian because I am still attracted to beautiful girls and women. My wife is not fond of transgenders thanks to Cait Jenner (very poor example of trans) gave her the wrong image. But she used to mention during our amorous activities she'd want to play with a girl on a occasion, just never got the courage or found the right girl. I'd like to be that girl and still be her man. I know, I know I want my cake and eat it too. Don't we all? Well now that I just wrote a book, I thank you all in advance for your responses.
Hugs,
Erin
Ps, BO is not an option for me since I am a cancer survivor and BO is just too risky for someone like me. So it's either do real synthetics or PM. I already have regular blood monitoring. It's time for me to decide.

[WendyA]

I am looking to see what emotional and psychological effects real HRT has on you.

I've only been on low dose HRT for 3 months but I'll try and provide some input.

I'm mostly interested in the mood swings, severity and frequency, any pattern or cycle that coincides with your program administration (tablets/injections) and emotions you feel.

No mood swings.

Did or do you cry easily under normal circumstances or during a sad movie or story?

A tearjerker is still a tearjerker.

Does it make you angry, sad, laugh, all of the above? Does it make you horny even though it takes the lead out of your pencil or turn off all amorous thoughts?

No changes in my emotions.

I am also interested if anyone went into a dark tunnel with depression, thoughts of suicide or self inflictions?

No depression or dark thoughts.

Were you able to keep and manage a job and conduct yourself in public, around family, friends? How obvious is/was to others you are or were taking hormones? How long was it before you experienced these feelings and how long do the episodes last?

Life goes on, there are no changes to report. Only 3 months in and I have no idea what you think might be happening, feelings wise, but I have nothing out of the ordinary to report.

Does being on hormones make you want more of them, are they addictive?

Not that I am aware of.

How do they influence your thought, do they make you want to crossdress and go total fem or do they make you feel the opposite?

I was wearing a bra daily, now I'm not. The HRT has seemed to level my thought patterns so I am no longer preoccupied with, for lack of a better term, fem thoughts. Which is what I was hoping would happen

Do they make you make want to clean and organize? Do they change the way you see or feel about yourself? Did you want to diet, work out, be real conscience of how you look? Do you want to judge others more?

No.

Could I pull off taking hormones while keeping a professional appearance and mentality?

I think you can.

You might want to check out Susan's Place, Reddit's AskTransgender, MTF, and mypartneristrans sub-reddits for more information.

Best Wishes

[Male2Female]

I am on female hormones and on anti-androgens .

I am on 4 mg of Estrofem and on 100 mg of Spironolactone .

Your questions :

Depression ?

Yes , I have been moody and cry easily on estrogen BUT I am happy with the physical changes , although small ones , that already occured so that keeps me going . I thought about going on Pueraria Mirifica but I am too negative about alternative approaches so I'm going to stay on regular hormones . I noticed that swallowing them makes my mood more stable than dissolving the estrogen which caused fluctuations . My body got familiar with the new hormones I guess .

Side effects ?

From estrogen : lactating ( some experience it , some don't ) . From Spironolactone : peeing a lot !

Noticeable to others ?

Not yet except for my skin that is very clear and smooth now and my mood that affects people around me when I'm in a bad mood .

Expectations ? I am building at a physical transition . No plan to socially transition for the first coming year . Physically my expectations are there : I want at least a very androgynous face in a little while , I expect my butt growing in a female direction , my hips gaining a lot of fat and I want my hair to gain a more feminin structure and of course : boobs ! At least a big A-cup . I'm not expecting DD's since my mother has only big B-cups .

My gender identity : genderqueer but significantly more towards feminin .

Urge to crossdress ?

I wouldn't call it crossdressing in my case . The urge to present myself as who I really am is more appropriate .

My sexual feelings / orientation ?

I became more pan sexual by going on hormones . I have however only strong thoughts about romance with guys . Alphamales . Thoughts that I want to mother their child , to be in a steady and long lasting relationship with them . Concerning the sexual part : for sexy time I really have to force myself to be able to cum . It should be noted that I have always been a " mental " person and not a " visual " person . My sexual thoughts are nastier now however . I fantasize about being dominated and being repressed by a typical 100% straight alphamale who abuses me just for his pleasure . I want to be his meaningless toy to say so . I guess I became even more submissive than I already was .


Body image and sensation :

I love the sensation that goes through my sore nipples . The little vibrations that spread themselves throughout the breast area . Delicious ! I am very happy with my lactation . It makes me feel truly feminin . The feeling that I can nurture a man with it . The thought that I am being programmed to receive a man in my body , a real alphamale hmmm ..


Personally and honestly I wouldn't like it if my guy would tell me he enjoys crossdressing and wants boobs . I couldn't feel his same pure masculinity anymore when he would be penetrating me . I don't know how your wife would feel about this however , since everyone is different .


I also notice that politically / socially I'm changing . Even though my sexual thoughts towards guys are of a submissive kind , I can react very misandristic and very feministic since I'm on hormones . Wat I also feel is that I'm growing Trutrans behavior .



I must say that I already was as feminin as one could be in thought patterns . I am a pro in reading people ,... Things guys just can't in most cases .


My genital dysphoria increased even more since starting hormone therapy . My view about my penis changed negatively . When a guy would tell me he wants to do this or that to my penis but claims to be straight I would see him as a closeted gay guy for wanting my penis . I would be grossed out by him usually and tell him that we can be friends but nothing more . I just can't do anything with a guy who is bi to the slightest degree or who would want to do something to me that is not heteronormative . I need to be a million percent sure that he sees me fully as female. I unfortunately have the image that guys , usually chasers , who want to touch my penis are gay . I cover it with a fake vagina when having intercourse. So , long story short : hormones triggered my desire to have GRS even stronger than it already was.


I am going from tablets to patches . That because there is less risk for my liver and blood cloths and the estrogen levels tend to fluctuate less when being on patches . I must note that it is very smart to add an anti-androgen like Spironolactone , Androcur or Finasteride to your hormone regimen , since estrogen alone will have a very hard time competing with your testosterone .

If you want Pueraria Mirifica , take Saw Palmetto with it and collagen , vitamin B and follic acide . I got the answer from a Thai herbalist that this assists the Pueraria significantly . However , I'm only going to use the spray since I'm staying on regular hormones . Buy Pueraria from Thai manufacturers themselves instead of Americans . At least then you will know you have the real deal .

Concerning estrogen : steer away from Ethinyl Estradiol and Premarin . Both are known for their increased dangers . I saw you wanted to use synthetic hormones . Don't . Go for bio-identical estrogen . If you can afford you can choose estrogen implants . Usually there is no need for an additional anti-androgen since estrogen levels are high enough to fight testosterone when using implants . Implants are expensive but have a high efficacy and you only have to have them replaced once every 4 or 6 months . Some even last 8 months and I've heard from someone that had implants that lasted up to 12 months . This way you could hide it easier for your wife . A lot of biological males have decreasing testosterone levels when they grow older . You could tell her that your natural estrogen took over from your low testosterone levels . Best is to tell her what your intentions are but not everyone can do so because of an unsupportive environment . It's your body so do what you want , not what your environment wants . My mother is not supportive either and she recently found out I'm on hormones . She knows that I will continue taking them . She thinks my Estrofem are birth control pills however . Result stays the same : she knows I'm on hormones and didn't try to stop me . My dad knows I'm very feminin but probably thinks I'm gay instead of trans . He will be surprised when he knows that his supposed son is his transsexual daughter . My mother told him once a few months ago that I wanted to be a girl but he never said something about it so guess he just ignored it and thinks that I'm gay instead of trans . My brother knows that I'm trans but to him a trans girl is just a gay dude with boobs . My family is transphobic and uneducated about transgenderism . They are very homophobic so they connect their homophobia to transgenderism . My mother knows I'm going to fully transition . I tell her every day over and over again and I'm overloading her with trans stuff . I saw a therapist one session and my mother paid for it , knowing very well what the therapist was specializing in ( gender matter ) , but we went there with different goals . I went there with the goal to guide me and my family throughout the transition . My mother however wanted the therapist to apply conversion therapy . My mother believes that every transgender is like Walt Heyer and that we all suffer from mental disorders while I'm completely sane and able to make serious decisions . Even my therapist told her I had a sane mind and that you cannot change one's gender . So she stopped paying for it because the therapist stood by me and not by her . So I ended up taking my own transition in my own hands . I couldn't be without the right hormones any longer . So I bought from Inhouse Pharmacy and see a local endocrinologist who is the father of a friend of mine . He couldn't provide me hormone prescriptions since my mother didn't know at that time that I was going to take hormones and in that way it would show up on our health insurance . So I see him to coach me a bit but I have to buy my own " candy " . The moral of the story is : try to find out if your wife is supportive in this . If she isn't you might want to make a choice between her and your body or choose to lie to her about it . It's your life , your body ! Cisgenders have their gender , same way we have the right to express ours being trans people ! Don't choose for someone else , choose for yourself ! If she really and truly loves you she SHOULD accept you as you are . Don't go for less than that . I will probably move out here ASAP . Meanwhile I can medically transition at my own pace and when my breasts grow too big I can always buy a binder . Facial changes are slow and minor , subtle so I would get away with telling my environment I use special creams for my skin .

Good luck on your journey ! See a therapist if you can and want to .

This is a very lovely journey for girls like us and the benefits outweigh the losses !
I must honestly say that I'm glad changes are gradual since having a new body and face can be a bit scary at first . I put a picture from myself with it full en femme . It's a picture from two days ago since all the other were old outdated ones from two years ago . If you compare you can see the difference in my skin . The hair is a wig .

Hugs ,

Elissa

[-Tasha-]

Major mood swings. They can turn on a dime. That's both good and bad since the good is very very good ^_^ it's become more common since switching to hemihydrate but that could be coincidence.

Amorous? Starting to think i've become asexual. No interest in the same way the old me did.

They aren't addictive in the sense that you want more of them all the time like a narcotic. I went through a brief period where I had to ration them which was very frustrating. I just want optimal results and taking anything above the optimal range won't help that.

Crossdressing - I never dressed in female clothes or wore make up until I came out. I came out before switching to pharma, and it wasn't a urge to start wearing female clothes, just for others to see me as who I am.

clean and organize and general health - My hygiene and lifestyle have improved tremendously, but again that's from coming out and accepting myself and wanting to take care of me. ^_^ Not hormone related.

mood swings with other forms of administration - having a constantly varying or spiking doses won't help but from what I've heard from others on hrt, mood swings tend to get stronger the higher your E levels are, even if they are level.

I reckon, besides boobs, being on mtf hrt would be fairly easy to hide. x

[Katie]

I`v only been on them for 10 days now, so my observations may not be all that detailed, but for what it`s worth:

4mg Estradial Valerate
100mg Spiro
(both taken half morning half night).

my Mood is rather more stable now, I still cry at stuff I would never even have noticed before, but I also pay very close attention and have identified 2 triggers.

Sexuality hasn`t moved an inch (thank goodness!)

I still crossdress almost daily and have done for the last near 49 years when I`m in male clothes.
My Woman Mode clothes are just normal clothes to me most of the time, although I do feel way more Femme now, and also care much less about who finds out (probably a confidence boost?) so certainly a change there.

No addiction per se, other than an Absolute Refusal to EVER go back to pre HRT, I just don`t think I could ever stay alive again being that way now that I`v seen what Normal is for me.
Think Nelson Mandela having to go back into jail for a parking ticket!

A Much improved rate of growth in less than a week I`v gained an Inch in breast size and it`s quite noticable! less breast pain too, but then in my 3 months on herbals that started to die down anyway towards the end, so may not be a fair measuring tool.

incidentals:
I have very Little tollerance for Alcohol anymore, 2 drinks and I`v had Enough! Seriously, I never thought I`de see the day, but it`s really killed me to even finish a second drink now, I get all Dizzy and tipsy/drunk, and the hangovers are the pits!

after 5 days in at 2mg I Upped to 4mg as I was tollerating 2mg well but not having the same mentality as on PM,BO,SP (3000mg, 750mg, nearly 2 grams) respectively.
at 4mg in one dose I did experience quite an adrenaline rush, that felt a lot like the start of a Panic attack, I rode that out without much incident, and for the next doses I ttok only 2mg at a time, the adrenaline rush staopped after 2 days so now I take 2mg morning and 2mg at night and nothing has happened since.

Cravings!!! Wow! LOL anything Salty! I just need that stuff, Carbs are the best (I couldn`t tollerate them much before without GERD), now I`m eating like a maniac
And I`m not putting wieght on either, so I`m thinking it`s being shifted around.

the need to Pee like you`re an Olympian peeing for your home country, yup, Totaly got that going on, but that`s just the spiro doing what it does best: disturbing good nights sleep, movies (usually at the good bits), and just as you`re waiting your turn to say something in a conversation.

Hope that helps a littttle bit, I will come back to this thread with more info if there`s anythimng new happen, I plan on adding the Finasteride in about 4 days time, so there maybe new stuff to add?

[Erin]

Thanks everyone for all your inputs.