[MeganJ]

Found out yesterday that due to the various inherited health issues (its a very long list!) and some of my own, that I wouldnt ever be able to go on prescribed HRT, but my doctor was understanding of my reasons for going the herbal route, and didnt try to disuade me from taking them which I was really surprised by. My doctor instead just took a list of what I am taking to scan to my notes (although he didnt think they would be that effective, whilst they may be not as good as HRT - I am having some pretty effective results though for just over 4 months in) and offered me gender counselling if I need it. I did explain that in my head this feels right - the voice telling me I want to be a woman or at least more female pretty much since puberty hit has gone although its been replaced by a desire to let my female self take control more and more, although she is realistic about work and the need to remain male for that - although I guess if anyone notices anything having a hormone imbalance to explain things isnt strictly incorrect! I had my liver function checked yesterday which was all fine, and am in really good health otherwise, and also found out I have now lost getting on for 60lbs in the last four and a bit months, which was really good news considering my chest, hips and butt have all gotten bigger during that time.

Despite feeling really down never being able to go on HRT yesterday, and having a raging hangover - way too many drinks on a work night out last night, I feel a lot more happy with things this morning, I am though really starting to enjoy confusing strangers as to my gender identity especially as I dont even consciously try to do it - I got hit on last night by a couple of lesbians in a nightclub who thought I was a woman despite being in male mode! Which was wierd but I guess really complimentary in its own way! I have also accepted that I might well be pretty much asexual,, neither men or women do anything to excite me sexually and have found my need for orgasms greatly reduced although I no longer have any guilt about masterbation or pleasuring myself in other ways. I guess I have been that way for some time, it has just taken a long time to accept it, That said I do now like hugs though, which I didnt do as a male - maybe I just need to get a really large pillow for in bed for company, despite wanting a partner even in a non sexual relationship at times, I really like having time to just relax by myself and enjoy feeling even if not looking female.

I realised too that having the support of my family really does mean a lot more than I ever thought it would mean and having a good group of friends and work colleagues even if they dont know about things means I am pretty blessed at the moment in other areas. I havent even had any negative comments so far from strangers about my obvious gender fluidity or lack of maleness at times as well, which is also another positive. Most women are much friendlier and chatty towards me which I am really enjoying too.

Sorry for the long posting if you are still following, I was feeling down and it kind of veered off into a bit of a self confessional, but I feel better for writing it down as it has helped me to accept things in my head. If its on here am more likely to re-read it myself to remind myself of the positives, or a time that I felt really good about my transition when I am feeling down.


Megan

[Sofia Bunny]

Oh Megan... *hugs*

Sorry to hear you will not be able to go the HRT route. Don't be too discouraged, I believe it is still possible to achieve similar results strictly through herbs. I know remember reading on here at least one or two people that transitioned via herbs alone. I hope the herbs will not pose any problems to your health.

Just remember where there is a will, there is a way just don't let yourself get too discouraged. I truly believe in that because I have seen it first hand with myself and from others. I'm sorry this is a bit short, I am out running errands but just wanted to lend my support to you. Feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to, or visit me in the chatroom. Best wishes in your continued progress.

[julieTG]

Hi Megan

Don't worry Hun

Some big results have been achieved through herbs

Takes a little longer but same or similar

My friend in USA is pretty well all woman now after 6 years herbs

And look at

Poly, stef, Jamie io, dargona, Eva, Sfem, pansy , Iowa, sexless, all big boobies

So go girl get on the herbs

Julie

[MeganJ]

Thanks both for your helpful and encouraging words, I have had some good results so far with BO and cycling PM for a week at a time along with everything else I am taking, so am not too discouraged, the health issues are more a matter of increased risk than anything else but I think if I can keep on top of the diet and exercise the risks should be minimised as much as they can be.

Having seen the results others have had on herbs and it is encouraging that I could get there one day, although I am only 4 months in so far, so potentially a long way to go but I have definately had some physical changes to date - especially facially and the mental ones have been totally amazing and way beyond what I was expecting, even if I have now become a complete shoe buying fiend! To cheer myself up a bit more, I brrought a manual breast pump today and have given that a go for about half an hour so far, it was really pleasurable pumping away this afternoon and I enjoyed watching my breast rise and fall with the pump so am going to have another go in a bit whilst catching up on TV programs from last night just need to do both sides evenly to prevent lop sided growth!

I guess one final positive though is that my doctors are now aware of what I am taking, so if I do have any health issues they can manage these more appropriately and I havent got to tell them at some future point about things as it is already crossed off the list! Thanks again both I think having a stressful week and way too much to drink last night made me feel very down - I feel better now I am not hungover although have had about 8 hours sleep in the last 72 hours which also possibly didnt help, I think I am going to sleep like the dead tonight!

Now just the small matter of what outfit to wear for my first time out in public as a woman in a months time in the middle of the UK summer, as its a mass event open to all on the transgender spectrum so I wont be the only one dressed, and as its the UK summer it could be really warm or could be really wet and cold! Oh also have to get my top half waxed as well with some obvious breast growth, although part of me is looking forward that just for the surprise for the beautician doing the waxing!


Megan

[tanysquirrel]

awe megan *hugs* ,

Sorry to hear of your dilemma . perhaps to boost your changes, taking a topical solution for transdermal absorption would be a good choice? site-specific , like PM serum and the like?

it is good thing that herbals do work, I would be depressed as well , if I was told what you were about HRT ..

know that you have the full support of the members here! always have an always will *hugs*

[MeganJ]

Thanks Tanya, am so glad the herbal route is still open though too, I would feel really down if they didnt work or werent available too, and would be self medicating HRT which would be the only other option and even more of a risk than the herbals. Despite not being able to go on HRT, my doctor was didnt seem that bothered about me self medicating, although I think he understand that was the least risky option and was definately glad I wasnt taking HRT obtained online, am sure he would prefer though if I wasnt taking anything at all!

Part of me wishes I had started years ago, but I guess leaving it a bit means I have become more resilient in dealing with things and I dont think I was mentally in the right place to do this properly until this year!

Will try the PM serum at some point, the ainterol cream worked quite well, when I tried it a few years ago, for some reason I just stopping taking anything then but didnt get much growth even after nearly 6 months so I think the BO is definately working for me. Unfortunately had problems with ainterol earlier this year - they didnt sent the order at all and didnt reply to emails so had to get a refund through paypal so not keen to use them again!

Realised this morning that I have definately got breasts which made me really excited although my days of going shirtless on the beach are at an end! They are still pretty small - although am well on the way to filling a b cup, and am hoping the breast pump will help make them bigger. I know they are definately breasts as even before the weight loss I never had man boobs, but am hoping for now thats all people think they are!

Ill be nice and waxed in a few weeks so will post up some progress pics, I think I have had some good results so far but would like them bigger still!

[julieTG]

A www

Get the girls up now so we can encourage your progression

Lol

X

Julie

[The First Aria]

Megan.... Stay the course. Just try to NOT overdo it. Some herbs have a few natural items in them that at low levels are not harmful, but if you try to ramp up to the point of say, HRT levels.... there could be toxicity levels as well....

I fear I am in the same boat as you.... Real hormones being too harsh due to my heart condition, and circulatory problems with blockage.... But, I feel it's time to get "Real" with my doctor on my situation.... Who knows, we two may have to collaborate recipe's together.... (as well as good brownies.... insanely love a good pan of brownies)... LOL..

[MeganJ]

Julie, will get them out once I have them all nice and hair free which will be in less than a months time, but think I have had really good progress so far, I have to wear a sports bra when exercising and am filling that nicely - reckon I am close to a B cup already, although am worried I am going to end up around a D cup - and there is no way to hide those!

Iaboy, fortunately so far I havent had issues, and I think cycling the PM is working well with the BO, that said I think my body has got used to what I am taking anyway. My liver function is fine anyway that was tested last week although Friday nights excessive alcohol consumption might be ill advised on a regular basis! Pot brownies and Id be interested, normal ones not so much, am trying to stay clear of excess sugar as have a family history of diabetes both type 1 and 2 so have to really be careful with eating! Much prefer savoury foods these days anyway.

I definately recommend a breast pump and if I dont over do it I should avoid lactation, although part of me would love to achieve it but aware that brings its own issues. Feel really good after 10 minutes on each side and thats with a manual pump, and my hand gets a good workout too - the other form of hand exercise has lost its appeal! Something is helping release massive does of oxytocin I think - whether its the BO doing that I dont know but as I am just off a PM break, I think its likely to be the BO. I feel so happy and relaxed after pumping!