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I decided it would be better to start a new thread to make it easier to track, and well to move forward.
Here's what I have come up with so far, hopefully it will be helpful, or perhaps others can append to it. The lessons learned below are pretty much based on my two outings as a female. Here we go!
Learn to keep my mouth shut!- I think part of my problem when I went out those two nights, I said way too much. First night talking to that guy, I told him what I was doing there, and what area I was in, and chain hotel I was at too. That was not very smart, and could have proven to be extremely dangerous. Luckily for me, it was just a phone call message to my hotel, which was very creepy! Second night, while I avoided exact locations and hotels, I still said way more than I needed to. Part of my problem is I get nervous around new people. I have no clue what to talk about, and I end up just spilling my guts! I really need to focus and be more relaxed.
Don't go out alone- Okay, so I knew this one from the beginning, but I really wanted to take that next step in my experiences! I already knew that I could look okay as a female, but I wanted to know if I could actually go out, and fit in. Not feel so awkward being on the outside looking in. Unfortunately, I am not out to anyone I physically know. I am also relatively low on physical friends, so if I didn't take that chance, it probably was never going to happen. That being said, if you are going to go out alone, be mindful of your surroundings. Be mindful of where you are at, some people may be looking for more than a friend. If you drove, be sure to park in well lit areas.
Buy your own drinks- While on the onset getting your drinks paid for may seem like a lovely gesture, but sometimes you have to wonder if there are ulterior motives. It also leads to my next bullet below. For me at least, I hate that feeling of now owing someone. I rarely ask for favors, borrow money, etc. I just feel like now I owe something, and I would rather not owe anyone anything.
Don't leave your drink unattended- I was actually somewhat smart on this one, but just throwing it out there. Don't leave your drinks unattended. You just never know when someone dubious may tamper with your drink. I left my drink unattended once, and didn't bother drinking it again.
Don't drink on an empty stomach- Okay, so I should have known better on this one too. But I was in such a rush of emotions and feelings and excitement, I overlooked eating dinner! So the alcohol ended me feeling a bit tipsy a lot sooner than I would normally feel. I think in the future I will try and avoid drinking any alcohol as that's not something I normally do anyways. If I do drink anything, I will limit myself to a drink just in case I screw up again, and forget to eat something.
Be more assertive- Okay, so this one is a bit more difficult for me. I am a pretty passive person. I mostly go with the flow, and try not to make too many waves in the process. I really need to be more assertive when it is called for. I know it would benefit all around, and probably avoid a lot of odd situations I have found myself in throughout my life. This is something that is not easy for me, and I know will take a lot of work, and conscious effort on my part.
Don't let the bad ruin the good- My first reaction after my negative experiences going out was, screw it, I am never doing this again. I will never go out dressed as a female again, I needed to let that part of my life die as quickly as possible. Eventually I realized that is not possible. Sofia is me, and apparently a big part of me now. Yeah, I fucked up, I made a lot of mistakes, but I know that, I realize that, and I have accepted that. I hope that I have truly learned from my mistakes and will not make these same mistakes ever again. Hopefully, when I work the courage to go out again, it will be truly a memory worth having. I hope that the next time I go out, it is with more confidence in myself, and I am able to completely blend in without drawing any unnecessary attention to myself.
So that's what I have so far. I am sure there are probably a few things I have overlooked, or possibly understated. I welcome any feedback or additions that will not only help myself, but may help others working up the courage to go out and face the world! Thank you all for the love and support you have shown, it truly warms my heart.
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(01-10-2016, 04:49 PM)Sofia Lauren Bunny Wrote: I decided it would be better to start a new thread to make it easier to track, and well to move forward.
Here's what I have come up with so far, hopefully it will be helpful, or perhaps others can append to it. The lessons learned below are pretty much based on my two outings as a female. Here we go!
Learn to keep my mouth shut!- I think part of my problem when I went out those two nights, I said way too much. First night talking to that guy, I told him what I was doing there, and what area I was in, and chain hotel I was at too. That was not very smart, and could have proven to be extremely dangerous. Luckily for me, it was just a phone call message to my hotel, which was very creepy! Second night, while I avoided exact locations and hotels, I still said way more than I needed to. Part of my problem is I get nervous around new people. I have no clue what to talk about, and I end up just spilling my guts! I really need to focus and be more relaxed.
Don't go out alone- Okay, so I knew this one from the beginning, but I really wanted to take that next step in my experiences! I already knew that I could look okay as a female, but I wanted to know if I could actually go out, and fit in. Not feel so awkward being on the outside looking in. Unfortunately, I am not out to anyone I physically know. I am also relatively low on physical friends, so if I didn't take that chance, it probably was never going to happen. That being said, if you are going to go out alone, be mindful of your surroundings. Be mindful of where you are at, some people may be looking for more than a friend. If you drove, be sure to park in well lit areas.
Buy your own drinks- While on the onset getting your drinks paid for may seem like a lovely gesture, but sometimes you have to wonder if there are ulterior motives. It also leads to my next bullet below. For me at least, I hate that feeling of now owing someone. I rarely ask for favors, borrow money, etc. I just feel like now I owe something, and I would rather not owe anyone anything.
Don't leave your drink unattended- I was actually somewhat smart on this one, but just throwing it out there. Don't leave your drinks unattended. You just never know when someone dubious may tamper with your drink. I left my drink unattended once, and didn't bother drinking it again.
Don't drink on an empty stomach- Okay, so I should have known better on this one too. But I was in such a rush of emotions and feelings and excitement, I overlooked eating dinner! So the alcohol ended me feeling a bit tipsy a lot sooner than I would normally feel. I think in the future I will try and avoid drinking any alcohol as that's not something I normally do anyways. If I do drink anything, I will limit myself to a drink just in case I screw up again, and forget to eat something.
Be more assertive- Okay, so this one is a bit more difficult for me. I am a pretty passive person. I mostly go with the flow, and try not to make too many waves in the process. I really need to be more assertive when it is called for. I know it would benefit all around, and probably avoid a lot of odd situations I have found myself in throughout my life. This is something that is not easy for me, and I know will take a lot of work, and conscious effort on my part.
Don't let the bad ruin the good- My first reaction after my negative experiences going out was, screw it, I am never doing this again. I will never go out dressed as a female again, I needed to let that part of my life die as quickly as possible. Eventually I realized that is not possible. Sofia is me, and apparently a big part of me now. Yeah, I fucked up, I made a lot of mistakes, but I know that, I realize that, and I have accepted that. I hope that I have truly learned from my mistakes and will not make these same mistakes ever again. Hopefully, when I work the courage to go out again, it will be truly a memory worth having. I hope that the next time I go out, it is with more confidence in myself, and I am able to completely blend in without drawing any unnecessary attention to myself.
So that's what I have so far. I am sure there are probably a few things I have overlooked, or possibly understated. I welcome any feedback or additions that will not only help myself, but may help others working up the courage to go out and face the world! Thank you all for the love and support you have shown, it truly warms my heart.
The best thing about going with somebody you know, even if it's not to a bar or club. They will know transgender friendly places. Even something as simple as trying on clothes is easier if you know your in a transfriendly environment.
I can appreciate it hard when most of us are still under the radar, and won't actually know any other transfriends local to us. But, you should look up and find a transgender support group / network in your area, or even the next town over.
When leaving where ever you are, have your keys ready, never ever leave them in your bag, only to stand outside your car looking for them. If you have them ready you can be inside your car almost as soon as you pulled the handle open, the last thing you need to do is look helpless and lost. The keys also can be used as a weapon in the face of anyone who tries anything.
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One point or two I would like to make.
Just because they maybe Trans themselves, does not mean they are friendly or safe to be with. My Dad use to joke that most of the rapes he didn't believe in. "Cause most girls can run faster with their skirts up, than men can with their pants down!". I know, barbaric, right? But before you criticize that remark just remember if he was still alive today, he would be pushing 100.
Their are rapist's in all walks and flavor of life. Get a true known friend. rather he/she is trans-gendered as well is of no consequence.
And, you would have to screen your trans-gendered friend cause he/she may NOT know where all of the Trans Friendly places are as well.
Just my thoughts, take em for what they cost you.... Absolutely nothing.
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(01-10-2016, 07:00 PM)iaboy Wrote: One point or two I would like to make.
Just because they maybe Trans themselves, does not mean they are friendly or safe to be with. My Dad use to joke that most of the rapes he didn't believe in. "Cause most girls can run faster with their skirts up, than men can with their pants down!". I know, barbaric, right? But before you criticize that remark just remember if he was still alive today, he would be pushing 100. Their are rapist's in all walks and flavor of life. Get a true known friend. rather he/she is trans-gendered as well is of no consequence.
And, you would have to screen your trans-gendered friend cause he/she may NOT know where all of the Trans Friendly places are as well.
Just my thoughts, take em for what they cost you.... Absolutely nothing.
True, that's why you need to get to know them first. I'll admit, most of my transgender friends are living it 24/7.
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I think its quite fair to say that those of us in Canada may have an easier time being out than than some other countries. Not that we are 100% safe either.
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Sofia, I am so encouraged by how proactive you are!
It makes me happy to know that you aren't giving up after such a painful experience. I feel like I've watched so many people fall into downward spirals, and I've been completely unable to do anything to comfort them.
I'm really glad you decided to spill your guts to us instead of holding this whole experience inside and withdrawing into a shell.
My heart broke for you when I read your stories. I know the healing process is slow and sometimes requires you to reopen some old wounds, but it's really nice to see you processing this.
You are on your way girl!
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(01-10-2016, 08:10 PM)Th3saurus Wrote: Sofia, I am so encouraged by how proactive you are!
It makes me happy to know that you aren't giving up after such a painful experience. I feel like I've watched so many people fall into downward spirals, and I've been completely unable to do anything to comfort them.
I'm really glad you decided to spill your guts to us instead of holding this whole experience inside and withdrawing into a shell.
My heart broke for you when I read your stories. I know the healing process is slow and sometimes requires you to reopen some old wounds, but it's really nice to see you processing this.
You are on your way girl!
Oh, I agree. And in no way mean it as disrespect or meanness. Just thought you would of kept your wall up a little better Sophia.
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(01-10-2016, 08:10 PM)Th3saurus Wrote: Sofia, I am so encouraged by how proactive you are!
It makes me happy to know that you aren't giving up after such a painful experience. I feel like I've watched so many people fall into downward spirals, and I've been completely unable to do anything to comfort them.
I'm really glad you decided to spill your guts to us instead of holding this whole experience inside and withdrawing into a shell.
My heart broke for you when I read your stories. I know the healing process is slow and sometimes requires you to reopen some old wounds, but it's really nice to see you processing this.
You are on your way girl!
I second that emotion ..
The next time should be less nerving, and more enjoyable.
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my dear bun bun:
I am glad that you have made this post. Often times, we take for granted that we think we are safe. I do hope that others will/can learn from your experiences and observations.
*hugs*
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Dear Sofia,
I will say only... excellent observations and excellent thread!
Poly
