Like others, my wife decided it was time to have another chat. We were on our way to another town to pick up a batch of estrogen,  i was in Jannet mode.
I was asked how long is this going to go on, you cannot keep switching about and playing him or Jannet. You need to choose one or the other, its two confusing for the family.
( keep in mind i go out to two support groups, and not every week, the kids are both grown up although still living at home, they see me as Jannet maybe once or twice every few months  ) 

She then proceeds to tell me if I choose Jannet then i have to be prepared for the consequences.

I asked, so you would rather us be apart, for you to be on your own and me to be on my own ?

Yes, she said. I do not want Jannet in my bed, or to be apart of my life, I would sooner be alone.

Needlessly to say, the conversation put a damper on the whole evening.

Later on, when comming home after dropping into Costco, she informes me that no matter how well i think I pass, she sees people giving me a double take, ( its not that I have not noticed this occasionally too, its hard to blend in if your almost 6ft )

She lets me know she doesnt understand why I am this way, Its obvious i am a guy, no matter where I go i just look like a guy dressed up. 

She wants to know, am I not just as happy just being Him? Why do I put myself through this.

Although she says she is supportive and understands, its obvious from the questions she asks
she really has no idea. 

My head is not in a good place right now.

That's a tough one.  Maybe you've mentioned it before, and I just have not noticed....  Are you planning on SRS or something?  It sort of sounds like "Turn out the lights, the party is over maybe"?  That is one reason, getting looks in super markets ect. why I do not go out in public in full en femme garb.

That's a tough one.  Maybe you've mentioned it before, and I just have not noticed....  Are you planning on SRS or something?  It sort of sounds like "Turn out the lights, the party is over maybe"?  That is one reason, getting looks in super markets ect. why I do not go out in public in full en femme garb.

I have not mentioned going for SRS, to be honest it holds no interest for me, I do however have an interest in labiaplasty, ( that just moves the junk, and gives a female looking genitalia, but at most only 1" deep.
Everything else is the same as SRS, you just need a vibrator. Although this has come up in conversations, its not something i have been planning for, its just my preference in lower surgery.
Getting looks does not bother me, i guess i generally pass well enough that i have had people ask me inconsequential questions, just to hear my voice.

In past conversations I have pointed out point blank, stopping hormones is not an option, I would commit suicide first.

I guess i would feel much happier if people would call me mam, when in male mode without makeup.

That's a tough one.  Maybe you've mentioned it before, and I just have not noticed....  Are you planning on SRS or something?  It sort of sounds like "Turn out the lights, the party is over maybe"?  That is one reason, getting looks in super markets ect. why I do not go out in public in full en femme garb.

I have not mentioned going for SRS, to be honest it holds no interest for me, I do however have an interest in labiaplasty, ( that just moves the junk, and gives a female looking genitalia, but at most only 1" deep.
Everything else is the same as SRS, you just need a vibrator. Although this has come up in conversations, its not something i have been planning for, its just my preference in lower surgery.
Getting looks does not bother me, i guess i generally pass well enough that i have had people ask me inconsequential questions, just to hear my voice.

In past conversations I have pointed out point blank, stopping hormones is not an option, I would commit suicide first.

I guess i would feel much happier if people would call me mam, when in male mode without makeup.

Totally get it.  Sorry if I made you feel like you had to yell!  LOL..   The frustration factor is in getting to the point of where the hormones do it's "mojo" well enough that decent makeup and appropriate clothing and voice will do the rest.

[[she informes me that no matter how well i think I pass, she sees people giving me a double take, ( its not that I have not noticed this occasionally too, its hard to blend in if your almost 6ft )

She lets me know she doesnt understand why I am this way, Its obvious i am a guy, no matter where I go i just look like a guy dressed up.]]


She`s really the wrong person to ask when it comes to stuff like that, as are other family or friends that you`ve known for a long time and seen regularly.
they`ll more or less Always see you as you were or have been, a guy that turned into a woman, and New people you meet will see you as woman that used to be a guy (or if you`re lucky just a woman fullstop).
it`s a subtle but important difference. like watching yourself grow old, you don`t see it daily.
so I would give too much weight to her opinion, it really doesn`t count for much based on this bias.
and let me guess, it`s usually middle aged guys that give you the double takes and approach you with a question or something "witty"?
Just smile politely and walk away quickly! it`s perfectly normal!   (for guys anyway) LOL.

Jannet,
I won't presume to advse you, unfortunately you have to walk this minefield alone. I can and do sympathise and undestand some of your dilemma though. My wife has gone from being 100% in favour to about 90% against, and unpredictably , so I never know from one day to the next what she will or won't accept. It is tough, and I feel for you.

Jannet,
I won't presume to advse you, unfortunately you have to walk this minefield alone. I can and do sympathise and undestand some of your dilemma though. My wife has gone from being 100% in favour to about 90% against, and unpredictably , so I never know from one day to the  next what she will or won't accept. It is tough, and I feel for you.

This is I feel exactly it.

I do realize she feels she has lost the person she married. No amount of trying to explain that person is still here, this body is just a shell is going through changes that thought process.

I'm sorry your going through this Jannet.
I'm surprised at her questions after all the years you have been Jannet. But, I think its time to take her to a support group our a gender therapist.
She needs to know, from someone beside you, That this dilemma we are faced with is more normal than was previously ever thought of.
By normal I mean, in times past that one would have to suppress these feelings of gender question and accept that being born male was all we get.
In today's times, those feelings dont have to be suppressed any longer. However it makes it harder on us to determine how far we really want to go in the opposite direction of our birth gender.
Do you think if you spent more time as Jannet than your male self if might ease thing?
She did mention she didnt like the switching thing?

Huggs
Bobbi

Jannet,
I won't presume to advse you, unfortunately you have to walk this minefield alone. I can and do sympathise and undestand some of your dilemma though. My wife has gone from being 100% in favour to about 90% against, and unpredictably , so I never know from one day to the  next what she will or won't accept. It is tough, and I feel for you.

after all that over the weekend, she painted my toenails last night ..
Somedays its hard to know if i am comming or going.

Jannet,
I won't presume to advse you, unfortunately you have to walk this minefield alone. I can and do sympathise and undestand some of your dilemma though. My wife has gone from being 100% in favour to about 90% against, and unpredictably , so I never know from one day to the  next what she will or won't accept. It is tough, and I feel for you.

after all that over the weekend, she painted my toenails last night ..
Somedays its hard to know if i am comming or going.

I am having the same dificulty with my wife.....   One time she digs at me, the next week it's wondering if I want to go "gurl shopping".  It's enough to want to scream!