[dementedClown]

Anyone else have dysphoria that is extreme? Whenever I think about my male body I feel nihilism like life has no purpose or meaning. I am a virgin who noone has ever loved and stuck in a male body. My relatives said I am cute so why don't I have a girlfriend by now? I look in the mirror and don't look ugly, but I feel nothing, like I am just "there". 

I want to feel enthusiasm for living, but I do not feel it anymore. I just think about my body hair and beer belly and how I don't have mathematically appealing curves. I want wide feminine hips and no hair except on the top of my head. I feel sick, for instance last night I felt like i was going to die. My life has no purpose and meaning. People tell me to do sports or exercise, but ultimately I am doing it in a male body that has no purpose or meaning.

I don't hate my penis. When I say male body, I don't mean my penis. I mean the fact I am average, mediocre, meaningless. I am not a cool, cute, anime girl like I wish I was. I am average male, meaningless, pointless. When I think about taking hormones I don't think it will save me. My bones are too male, I need something that will change my bones. Second, my mind is too fargone and miserable for it to be saved. For instance, when I was a kid I liked feminine things like cooking. But now I just feel nihilism like what is the point, everything is just a meaningless boring chore. I think it is too late to salvage.

[jannet.duff]

Anyone else have dysphoria that is extreme? Whenever I think about my male body I feel nihilism like life has no purpose or meaning. I am a virgin who noone has ever loved and stuck in a male body. My relatives said I am cute so why don't I have a girlfriend by now? I look in the mirror and don't look ugly, but I feel nothing, like I am just "there". 

I want to feel enthusiasm for living, but I do not feel it anymore. I just think about my body hair and beer belly and how I don't have mathematically appealing curves. I want wide feminine hips and no hair except on the top of my head. I feel sick, for instance last night I felt like i was going to die. My life has no purpose and meaning. People tell me to do sports or exercise, but ultimately I am doing it in a male body that has no purpose or meaning.

I don't hate my penis. When I say male body, I don't mean my penis. I mean the fact I am average, mediocre, meaningless. I am not a cool, cute, anime girl like I wish I was. I am average male, meaningless, pointless. When I think about taking hormones I don't think it will save me. My bones are too male, I need something that will change my bones. Second, my mind is too fargone and miserable for it to be saved. For instance, when I was a kid I liked feminine things like cooking. But now I just feel nihilism like what is the point, everything is just a meaningless boring chore. I think it is too late to salvage.

Have you ever thought of talking to a professional about your feelings ??, they maybe able to help you put things in context.

[Happyme]

Jannet is right, you need to talk to a professional therapist.
Gender therapist would be good, but at your stage of the game you should seek seek professional help... very soon.
Bobbi

[happyboobs]

I agree, many of of have some of these types of feelings, but you sound like from your post you need to get help, most likely get approved and start on HRT. Bet you will love your body and mind
Best wishes...

[dementedClown]

I agree, many of of have some of these types of feelings, but you sound like from your post you need to get help, most likely get approved and start on HRT. Bet you will love your body and mind
Best wishes...

Already approved for HRT but they misgendered me over the phone so I don't feel like going. And its in the middle of the ghetto and I don't feel safe, because not allowed to concealed carry due to having minor criminal record. (I was framed and innocent btw. But who cares when the all powerful System says you are guilty.) Last time I tried to go there I was almost mugged by thugz, I don't have car so I have to go on ghetto on foot, noone cares about my personal safety though.

There are 3 reasons I can't transition.
1. Not in good health. Need testosterone for my immune system. My heart is not in good shape and my hormone doctor said estrogen can cause heart attacks. Many transwomen also die at a young age from cancer. For instance, Maddie Blaustein, voice of Meowth and Weekly World News, was a mtf transsexual who died at only 35.

2. Read online in a dating pickup book that I need to be masculine to get a girlfriend. Many transwomen I know IRL started dating men. I don't want to date a man, I want a girlfriend. And according to the dating books, I need to be masculine or else no woman will want me.

3. Social. Don't have many friends, and afraid my friends won't be cool with me being trans. I know some transwomen IRL but some of them are mean and sadistic. Some transwomen are very nice, but tend to have political views that are too liberal for me, such as open-borders policies and anti-gun and anti-freedom-of-speech policies. Some of the nicer ones tend to also be Christian, which is a bit too traditional for me. I have tried to befriend some transwomen on the Right, but the ones on the right tend to be haughty and unfriendly. I feel like I am alone and noone to relate to. That leaves my only support as my parents, who are traditional Christians who don't approve of me being trans. There actually is a transgirl that I relate to and has the same views as me, but I'm not hot enough for her to want to date me.

Jannet is right, you need to talk to a professional therapist.
Gender therapist would be good, but at your stage of the game you should seek seek professional help... very soon.
Bobbi

Already had a gender therapist they said I was 60% female 40% male (mentally). Also why does this forum have no multiquote features.

Anyone else have dysphoria that is extreme? Whenever I think about my male body I feel nihilism like life has no purpose or meaning. I am a virgin who noone has ever loved and stuck in a male body. My relatives said I am cute so why don't I have a girlfriend by now? I look in the mirror and don't look ugly, but I feel nothing, like I am just "there". 

I want to feel enthusiasm for living, but I do not feel it anymore. I just think about my body hair and beer belly and how I don't have mathematically appealing curves. I want wide feminine hips and no hair except on the top of my head. I feel sick, for instance last night I felt like i was going to die. My life has no purpose and meaning. People tell me to do sports or exercise, but ultimately I am doing it in a male body that has no purpose or meaning.

I don't hate my penis. When I say male body, I don't mean my penis. I mean the fact I am average, mediocre, meaningless. I am not a cool, cute, anime girl like I wish I was. I am average male, meaningless, pointless. When I think about taking hormones I don't think it will save me. My bones are too male, I need something that will change my bones. Second, my mind is too fargone and miserable for it to be saved. For instance, when I was a kid I liked feminine things like cooking. But now I just feel nihilism like what is the point, everything is just a meaningless boring chore. I think it is too late to salvage.

Have you ever thought of talking to a professional about your feelings ??, they maybe able to help you put things in context.

Had therapists my whole lives they never helped. Most were toxic Christian therapists who told me it was a sin to be trans.

My last 2 therapists have been chill and not toxic. Supportive but doesn't help anymore than talking to a friend about my problems.

[MrEricka]

Your statements indicate a high risk of self harm. Remember that you are loved and that people care for you and your well being, both physically and emotionally. 

• [/url]
  • [url=http://www.thetrevorproject.org/]The Trevor Project's 24/7/365 Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) or TrevorChat, their online instant messaging option, or TrevorText, a text-based support option. If you are looking for peer support, you can visit TrevorSpace from anywhere in the world.
    
    
  • The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255)
    
    
  • Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860
    
    
  • Do you live outside the United States? If so, check out The Trevor Project's list of international resources here.
    

[Billie]

It soundsuns like depression. I encountered depressed peers in DBSA. Depression Bipolar Support Association this is a support group that helps online and in groups.