[HelloDiDi]

Awww, its ok, I was having quite rough day with dysphoria being off the charts. I'm feeling so much better today, I think switching blockers has been messing up my T levels somewhat and its causing issues... I should be doing better soon, it really sucks to react extremely to minor hormone changes.

I'm horribly critical about myself and perfectionist to the point of where it some times hurts more than it gives. This is something I have on the list to talk with my therapist btw. Childhood trauma and "upbringing" is a big piece of this, I learned a lot from home and its not all good. The positive side is that my perfectionism and hyperfocus tend to give me extreme determination, but it also makes me keep way too high standards and expectations that are near impossible to meet which leads to disappointment and some times even cynicism.

I guess we all have our demons and these are some of mine. But I'm working on it.

[HelloDiDi]

I had such a nice hike today, last time I go out wearing this btw. Temperature was below +10c when I went, some shadowy spots had frost on the foliage. Next time I need a jacket, but I was fine as I kept up the pace. I'm not far off of outgrowing my current bra, its getting so stuffed especially from sides and below. Wires have start to dig quite painfully, Otherwise its still as great, easily the best bra I ever had in my life. High recommendation for anyone willing to pay a bit of a premium for quality, Ewa Michalak bras are amazing! 



And then the most cheerful moment of the day, I made a new friend. Itsnot every day I get a wild critter being so curious and brave. I'm sure this fox lady (I'm quite sure she's a female from size and coat colour, usually male foxes here are darker and bigger.) was being really nosy, followed me to our yard and started to come closer when I sat down talking to it. It sat there and listened tilting its head like a dog. I got some funny video of it too. I went inside and got her a little snack, a piece of ham as I didn't have dogfood. After being a bit shy she came right over and ate. Poor beast seemed to be hungry. And she stayed there, came just few meters away and sat down listening me talk.

I'm quite sure this fox is already tame enough to know that people here wont hurt her, this wasn't the first time I'm sure as they're usually not this brave. And she was really healthy and sharp so not sick either, likely just knows to beg food and keep a little distance. Made me so happy. I hope she comes back again. 



Then a bit about NBE etc., I think I'm starting to get better with Bica kicking in. I'm feeling fine, way better than what I felt like for about a week or so before. I haven't taken any cypro now, I hope I can just leave it from now on. Something's happening for sure as I've had so much growth pains. Aches and deep itch which I haven't had for a long time. I woke up last night and it was intense.

If this pace keeps on going, I will definitely need a new bra before christmas. I've been dreaming of the same model, but in red and black with custom measurements. I will likely end up picking 90LL next time, but with cups with 3/4 coverage, slightly shallower and wires perhaps one size wider. I've been eyeing their size chart and I'm not entirely sure where I'll land next time. One I have now was marked as having lot of space in the cups and they adviced to pick one size smaller than usual, so I'm not sure which one I end up with next. I'm short on money for now so I have to wait anyway, good time to outgrow the current one, there's not much space left. I'm going to have a little celebration if I reach British M cups by the end of year, that will be a huge win as I originally took that as a goal for fourth year and it seems I might reach it being only halfway in. Couldn't be happier with how its going right now.

[Nadi]

Wow, I've hardly been away for a few days and there are so many interesting posts here.

First of all dear Lara, you look really fantastic and are very attractive. You look great and very feminine  even without make-up and that is really something special.   And please keep showing us photos of you and your progress.

I'm sorry you've had a difficult few days. Dysphoria is really mean and for me it also depends on the mood of the day and hormonal swings. I am all the more glad that you are feeling better again.

I didn't take bica for five days and also had the impression that my T had risen again. Today I finally had a Bica again and I feel much calmer and more balanced.

I wish you only the very best and we all love you here! 

[Half a Shadow]

Lara, beautiful photos! You look great! I noticed that your mood is changing for the better! I'm very happy for you!

What an interesting guest you had. I live in the city, but I also see foxes sometimes. Usually in winter and early spring. Hungry, mangy and very timid. They come, apparently, in search of food. I feel very sorry for them.

[HelloDiDi]

Wow, I've hardly been away for a few days and there are so many interesting posts here.

First of all dear Lara, you look really fantastic and are very attractive. You look great and very feminine  even without make-up and that is really something special.   And please keep showing us photos of you and your progress.

I'm sorry you've had a difficult few days. Dysphoria is really mean and for me it also depends on the mood of the day and hormonal swings. I am all the more glad that you are feeling better again.

I didn't take bica for five days and also had the impression that my T had risen again. Today I finally had a Bica again and I feel much calmer and more balanced.

I wish you only the very best and we all love you here! 

Aww thank you. I will when there's something worth posting, my breast development is going so well right now that's definitely a reason to keep posting. I need to update timelines and stuff soon anyway.

Dysphoria is a demon. I seem to be hypersensitive to any changes and get crazy mood swings from it, so any deviation from normal can be quite a mess. I hate it, not everybody is this sensitive. Five days without Bica shouldn't matter much? It has very slow half life so once its levelled out, it stays for quite a bit without a major drop in efficiency. Some people take it even once a week for convenience as it works so slowly.

Lara, beautiful photos! You look great! I noticed that your mood is changing for the better! I'm very happy for you!

What an interesting guest you had. I live in the city, but I also see foxes sometimes. Usually in winter and early spring. Hungry, mangy and very timid. They come, apparently, in search of food. I feel very sorry for them.

Thank you. I adore tops like these and jeggings are likely my go to thing, especially once the second part of my surgery comes.

Poor foxes, seems like they're not having enough to eat around there? They do that here too, my guest yesterday certainly was here to beg food as it was so brave about it. Definitely not sick or hungry as it wasn't skinny at all, they just hang around homes as they know there's easy food where there's people. Fox is a hunter scavenger, much like dogs are, when ever something easy snack they absolutely go for it and otherwise they hunt for small animals. Where I live, there's endless raccoon dogs, rabbits and mice and so on, its no wonder foxes are healthy here. It was so curious and pretty, I hope to see it again.

[Half a Shadow]

I like jeggings too, but I don't wear them often, because for a good look you need the hips and ass that you have, and I still have to work on it (on October 4, I start taking BO ).

This fox will definitely come to you again, for sure he will remember where it was fed! 

Oh, you have a rich fauna! And I could only see a hare, a wild boar, a fox and an elk. Raccoons seem to be there too, but apparently there are few of them.

In the spring of this year, a young moose ran around the city (it was shown in the local news). Almost in the center of the city. How and from where it could have got to this place is unclear. The nearest forest is quite far away. And this year there were bears. There were 2 or 3 cases of attacks on people in the forest. There was such a case recently. Grandfather was walking with the dogs in the forest. The dogs picked up the bear and ran away. Grandfather couldn't run away as fast as the dogs... My colleague at work likes to pick mushrooms. After these incidents with bears, she has never gone to the forest this year, she is afraid. In general, I don't remember anything like this happening, only this year.

[Nadi]

Lara   

Yes, you're right that 5 days without bica shouldn't matter. I only had a morning wood for the first time on the last night of this Bica free period. Since I started taking Bica again, everything has been fine.  

[HelloDiDi]

I like jeggings too, but I don't wear them often, because for a good look you need the hips and ass that you have, and I still have to work on it (on October 4, I start taking BO ).

This fox will definitely come to you again, for sure he will remember where it was fed! 

Oh, you have a rich fauna! And I could only see a hare, a wild boar, a fox and an elk. Raccoons seem to be there too, but apparently there are few of them.

In the spring of this year, a young moose ran around the city (it was shown in the local news). Almost in the center of the city. How and from where it could have got to this place is unclear. The nearest forest is quite far away. And this year there were bears. There were 2 or 3 cases of attacks on people in the forest. There was such a case recently. Grandfather was walking with the dogs in the forest. The dogs picked up the bear and ran away. Grandfather couldn't run away as fast as the dogs... My colleague at work likes to pick mushrooms. After these incidents with bears, she has never gone to the forest this year, she is afraid. In general, I don't remember anything like this happening, only this year.

Jeggins are super nice, way easier than jeans as most jeans which fit over my hips and butt will be loose on waist even when they're stretchy ones. It'll be leggings, jeggings, skirts and dresses for me all the way. Its not even that bad yet, but it will be cause I'll do few more runs on Pioglitazone later down the road and then there's the surgery coming which will make my waist slimmer. Also it seems that glandulars are having a huge effect on lower body thickness and the way I'm applying some of the topicals on hips and butt is having yet more of an effect. 

Lower body change is one of the most amazing things that I never expected to happen the way it has and something that needs more specific post and plan on how to do it later on.

Bear attacks? Do you happen to live in Romania perhaps? No need to answer in public post, I just noticed east europe in your profile and I happen to know that bear hunting is a big tradition in Romania and bears are so numerous than in some areas its a problem. I'm a history nerd and I know that Nicolae Ceaușescu had thing for hunting and collecting firearms. One of his rifles is a Finnish Sako rifle and in some collection today, that thing is good tool for bear hunting and so on. Sorry for the little history detour, eastern Europe and bears just sounded so familiar.

Lara   

Yes, you're right that 5 days without bica shouldn't matter. I only had a morning wood for the first time on the last night of this Bica free period. Since I started taking Bica again, everything has been fine.  

Five days shouldn't matter because Bica has such long half life, taking it once a week should work ok, twice a week is near perfect. I took a double dose and I might do that for a while as I'm so sick and tired of the last 12-24 hours before injection being absolute dysphoric mess. Today I'm fine, I took mine half a day early and took even a tiny bit extra on EV so today I'm feeling so well. Its interesting how my moods can totally swing from one end to another and the balance is so fine. I'm sure my T and DHT levels have not dramatically changed as I've been so well suppressed for a long time and there's no obvious physical effects either, but a total mental mess about a day before injection. On 3.5 day cycle, that is approximately the 24 hours when estrogen levels slowly diminish after peaking about 48 hours after injection.

I know very few people who react so strongly. I guess good side is that my body immediately tells when something's not quite in balance, but its always a struggle when ever I have to make changes. Always a trade off.