[eve_phedrina]

Hello everybody

My name is Eve (well actually it's Inge, but since that seems to be unpronounceable for most English speaking people, I let people call me Eve)
Currently 39 years young and living in Belgium.
I remember being 4 or 5 years young when for mardi gras I really wanted to go as a princess but i couldn't. Instead they sent me as the pink panter.
I started experimenting with make-up and female clothes (from my mom and sister) when I was eleven, still not knowing what was going on.
Tried to stop during puberty but the feeling of just dressing as a girl, with make-up and wigg never went away.
I just tried to accept that I just was weird.
In college i kind of finally found out I was transgender. I cried, i thought, talked with other transpeople, started going out as a girl, but still staying in the closet for friends and family.
I was 100% sure I wish I was a woman! But I was very sure that just being a transwoman would be close, but not close enough. I tought that life probably would be a lot harder and giving me less if I would live like a transgender woman. It would be very hard to become a highschool teacher, It would be very hard to become a parent, even to find a nice relationship. 
And most of all it would be hard to hurt the people I love the most. So for me it was clear. I would stay male and crossdress from time to time, knowing I would never be like deeply happy. But probably still not as unhappy as giving up some dreams.

In my second long term relationship I had the guts to become clean to her. Relationship didn't last much longer after my confessions. 
A few years later, I met my current wife. Very soon after we started dating I explained who I was, what I felt, etc.
She could live with that, with me dressing from time to time, go out shopping or go out with friends as a woman. As long as she wasn't involved.
She made clear that she could never be in a relationship with a woman, even with me as a woman.
And clearly after 12 years she still feels the same way. She's OK with me from time to time being a woman. But she has a hard time looking at me or being next to me.
She even can't give me a kiss when I leave the house as a woman. We have 2 kids who still are in the dark about my feelings.
But I'm getting more and more afraid I made the wrong choice. With getting older I just feel my mind getting even more and more feminine.

So I want to shape my body a bit closer to my mind. 

My main goal is to move some fat from my belly to my hips and boobs.
Behind my nipples there is already some hard mass (since puberty) so I wouldn't mind budding.
I'm OK with giving up swimming in public (or maybe only with wearing a rashguard)

------------------

So I finally got some PM in. My first order (from Thailand) still is stuck at customs for a few weeks now, without any notice, update, news...

Luckily I found a European shop that ships from Europe, so no problems at all this time.

I started yesterday, 2021-12-20, with the following "program":

3x a day 300mg PM (trying to keep about 8h between each intake)
1x Calcium Citrate 2000mg (with vitamine D3 and K)
1x Nattokinase 2000FU

2 to 3 liters(60 to 100 fl oz) tea (all kinds of mint and licorice)

Maybe I should have started very low instead of 900 a day. What I've experienced so far?
Felt kind of light in my head, had a horrible night where i felt my heart beating in my head.
And omg my arm pit odor went from almost none existing to bweurk...

A few starting pictures to prove that angle is everything!!!

[Drew]

I get the inga well the shorter version of Ingeborg and English speaking people always pronounce Inge wrong.
To have a partner who understands your sexuality is just awesome but opening to absolutely everyone is well, not going to happen.

[Kay]

Hi Eve,

Thank you for sharing. I am walking a similar path. I am only out to a few close family members. But the further that I walk the more that I want to become a woman. I am not sure how that will work out. It kind of concerns me a this point, but I can feel the certainty and see an image of myself as a woman full time in the future.

-Kay

[eve_phedrina]

So I took PM 5 days to start. But with day 3 and 4 only taking 2 times 300 per day. 
After that I had a 4 day break and since last Thursday, december 30, I'm back taking PM. Started again with 2x 300mg per day and went to 3x 300mg from today
The bad smelling armpits are better, still a different smell, but normal again.

I'm already noticing my boobs. When I move my arms, my upper arm is touching my boobs which never happened before. Although If I measure myself I only gained 1cm, everything feels so much fuller and more firm!

I do feel like I'm responding well to PM. But I probably need to upgrade my program. I just don't know what to do/take without losing male function.
Progesterone cream? But it seems so hard to find a decent one online in Europe.

Progesterone cream? But It seems hard to find some online in Europe?

[Alexis P]

So I took PM 5 days to start. But with day 3 and 4 only taking 2 times 300 per day. 
After that I had a 4 day break and since last Thursday, december 30, I'm back taking PM. Started again with 2x 300mg per day and went to 3x 300mg from today
The bad smelling armpits are better, still a different smell, but normal again.

I'm already noticing my boobs. When I move my arms, my upper arm is touching my boobs which never happened before. Although If I measure myself I only gained 1cm, everything feels so much fuller and more firm!

I do feel like I'm responding well to PM. But I probably need to upgrade my program. I just don't know what to do/take without losing male function.
Progesterone cream? But it seems so hard to find a decent one online in Europe.

Progesterone cream? But It seems hard to find some online in Europe?

Hello eve! Welcome into BN forum! I see you are already promising before starting, with some pronounced areolas and nipples. Make sure to create  a thread on the Program section of the forum, as it will be easier for people to read it and give more advices there.
You can also discuss a bigger range of things there, as opposed to here which is a welcome and presentation section of the forum.
The feeling of something touched by the interior arms is something surprising and very exciting, and i think it is influenced by the start of a better sensitivity in the area. Wait for a couple of months to see if stuff is working correctly. I don't want to be rude or anything, but as once Nipply told me in the beginning: wait some time to see the real effects, and be careful to not get overjoyed by the placebo effect of the start.
Another advice i can give is: take measurements often but not too often (weekly) and keep them written somewhere (on a notebook or even here on the forum) so you can go back when you feel down and see better the progress you make.