A bit about myself:
As of posting I'm a 29 year old trans woman. I came out when I was 18 and although my parents didn't kick me out, they weren't super supportive either. They were, as I call it, tolerant. I signed up for medical transition, but I was put on a waiting list of a year. During that year, I desperately tried to explore who or what I was and it caused a LOT of tension at home and when the time came to schedule my first appointment I was scared that it would cause even more tension and I declined to make my first appointment. I was not prepared mentally or financially to live on my own, if that was required, and I felt like officially starting my medical transition would be the last drop for my parents. College was very boring (and thus hard) so I needed all my energy to just graduate and start earning money.
My main source of dysphoria was that I couldn't even convince myself that I was a girl. I grew out my hair, started wearing women's clothes and a bra stuffed with foam, but whenever I looked in the mirror I felt awful. I heard that breast massaging and lavender oil could have an effect on breast development, and those I could hide/do easily. I massaged my chest at least once a day, sometimes twice, and took hops. At some point my mom found my hops and got very angry with me because she read that people use it for breast growth. The box said that it was for relaxation, so I said I was super stressed from college. Our GP said "this stuff, if it even works, is probably very mild so I think this is better than prescription meds for now". I raised my dose up to a point where I sometimes felt a bit light headed. I took a picture of my chest every day for over a year. After a year, I combined all pictures into a 1 minute video by photoshopping and lining up my nipples. In the resulting video you could see that I started to get some shapes. I didn't track my weight during that time. Sadly I don't have that video anymore. During that year, I started wearing stuffed bras and felt a lot better and stopped massaging.
I won't go further into details and skip to today. I still haven't medically transitioned yet because of reasons, but I do now live on my own and I have become a bit desperate again to have at least one or two more cups on my chest. I'm convinced that the growth from all those years ago is still present, I can feel some glandural issue when I massage my chest, although when I'm cold everything shrinks up.
This is day 1 of my NBE journey. I have a pump, I have lavender massage oil and I have a program. I'll make a picture every day and try to remember to post here every month
I'm excited!
As of posting I'm a 29 year old trans woman. I came out when I was 18 and although my parents didn't kick me out, they weren't super supportive either. They were, as I call it, tolerant. I signed up for medical transition, but I was put on a waiting list of a year. During that year, I desperately tried to explore who or what I was and it caused a LOT of tension at home and when the time came to schedule my first appointment I was scared that it would cause even more tension and I declined to make my first appointment. I was not prepared mentally or financially to live on my own, if that was required, and I felt like officially starting my medical transition would be the last drop for my parents. College was very boring (and thus hard) so I needed all my energy to just graduate and start earning money.
My main source of dysphoria was that I couldn't even convince myself that I was a girl. I grew out my hair, started wearing women's clothes and a bra stuffed with foam, but whenever I looked in the mirror I felt awful. I heard that breast massaging and lavender oil could have an effect on breast development, and those I could hide/do easily. I massaged my chest at least once a day, sometimes twice, and took hops. At some point my mom found my hops and got very angry with me because she read that people use it for breast growth. The box said that it was for relaxation, so I said I was super stressed from college. Our GP said "this stuff, if it even works, is probably very mild so I think this is better than prescription meds for now". I raised my dose up to a point where I sometimes felt a bit light headed. I took a picture of my chest every day for over a year. After a year, I combined all pictures into a 1 minute video by photoshopping and lining up my nipples. In the resulting video you could see that I started to get some shapes. I didn't track my weight during that time. Sadly I don't have that video anymore. During that year, I started wearing stuffed bras and felt a lot better and stopped massaging.
I won't go further into details and skip to today. I still haven't medically transitioned yet because of reasons, but I do now live on my own and I have become a bit desperate again to have at least one or two more cups on my chest. I'm convinced that the growth from all those years ago is still present, I can feel some glandural issue when I massage my chest, although when I'm cold everything shrinks up.
This is day 1 of my NBE journey. I have a pump, I have lavender massage oil and I have a program. I'll make a picture every day and try to remember to post here every month
I'm excited!
