[Savannah Smiles]

I want to thank all that have responded with advice to my decision to have "the talk" with my wife. And, I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner as I've been a bit under the weather the last few days. I'm Feeling better today, though still not 100%.

I did not have a sit down with my wife, and, I've decided as Misty has suggested, to let the PM do its "magic" and see where I am a little further down the road. At this time it seems to be the wisest thing to do. Meanwhile, I will be reading the material that you suggested Clara, thanks Hon.

At 63 I've had a lifetime of hiding these feelings, and it's difficult (at least for me) to not let the "euphoria" of such long buried thoughts brought out into the open, sweep me off my feet. Like a child who has had their first taste of ice cream.... I want more.

Savannah

[Misty0732]

It's a very tough call, Misty. It can work against you both ways. I know people who held off telling their wives about their trans nature out of fear of negative consequences. But, they secretly cross dress, even go on HRT in secret, gradually damaging the marital relationship. When the wife eventually discovers the deception -- and she will -- trust in the relationship is shattered. Overcoming that loss of trust makes holding the marriage and family together so much harder, even impossible. IMO, if you value your marriage, and you're not ready to tell your spouse, don't go down that path.

I agree Clara. My point is that a lot of us control our trans nature with PM, to the point that deception is not necessary. I have no desire to cross-dress or present as female when I'm on PM, for example, so I don't do it secretly, either.

My wife is aware that I have GD. She's in favor of me using PM to keep it under control (even though it does have definite feminizing effects). Trust is essential in marriage, and I don't keep my PM use from her (in fact she takes it too as it helps her menopause symptoms).

Misty

[Samantha Rogers]

Oddly, I remember a time maybe two or three years into taking PM when I felt no need to dress. By the end of three and a half years I was looking at switching to pharma HRT, and ready to dress whenever I could. Different for everyone, I suppose...

[Misty0732]

Oddly, I remember a time maybe two or three years into taking PM when I felt no need to dress. By the end of three and a half years I was looking at switching to pharma HRT, and ready to dress whenever I could.

Sammie,

It could be that the relief PM gives for GD may be temporary, and, over the course of years it may lose its effectiveness. In my case I've found that too much PM starts to push me toward a stronger desire to transition, and too little (or none) does the same thing.

I'm in a bit of a quandary now as I am taking a break from PM to see if I can resolve another (very irritating) issue. I discuss that in another thread.

Misty

[flamesabers]

Misty,

it sounds like you're on a perpetual seesaw with pm and GD.

Out of curiosity, how much is too much pm for you? When you take an excess of pm, I'm wondering if it isn't the pm pushing you to transition, but rather your body becomes insensitive towards it and thus you're essentially back to a point where your system isn't processing any pm.

Even at my highest dose of pm (4,000 mg), I never felt the need to transition. If anything, I suspect the potential influence of a higher dose as manifesting itself as me having less concern for straying outside of gender norms. Perhaps it's no coincidence that my modus operandi for crossdressing and fulfilling my feminine pursuits both behave remarkably the same, as in usually acting subtle and in its own manner and time?

[Misty0732]

it sounds like you're on a perpetual seesaw with pm and GD.

I know. Not quite sure how I'll handle things if I'm forced to abandon PM altogether.

Out of curiosity, how much is too much pm for you? When you take an excess of pm, I'm wondering if it isn't the pm pushing you to transition, but rather your body becomes insensitive towards it and thus you're essentially back to a point where your system isn't processing any pm.

Anything over 3000mg/day puts me "over the edge." For most of my time on PM I've been sticking around 1500. I think that anything less than 1000 would probably not be enough to keep the GD at bay.

Even at my highest dose of pm (4,000 mg), I never felt the need to transition. If anything, I suspect the potential influence of a higher dose as manifesting itself as me having less concern for straying outside of gender norms. Perhaps it's no coincidence that my modus operandi for crossdressing and fulfilling my feminine pursuits both behave remarkably the same, as in usually acting subtle and in its own manner and time?

I can't really say -- PM, it seems, effects us all in differing degrees. I find it interesting that I have developed as much breast tissue as I have on less PM than a lot of others here, in fact I have developed larger breasts than a lot of TGs do on pharma HRT. I know a lot of it is dependent on genetics, but I also believe that I am extremely sensitive to the PM.

I took the pencil test the other day... and I passed...

Misty

[Marina Kits]

I'm late to the conversation Savannah but I concur with the others, you made the right choice by NOT telling your wife at this time. I can really feel the excitement in your posts regarding your new found feminine side which is a very clear indication that your good judgement could be clouded at the moment by your exuberance. Please believe me when I say I want the best for you and that I'm not a TG snob wishing to rain on your parade so I can remain one of the elite few who are worthy of transitioning. (I've not met any like that here by the way although I'm sure they exist). If transition is in your future, you'll FIRST transition from WANTING to tell people to WISHING you DIDN'T HAVE to tell them. WANTING to tell someone because you're so excited is a dangerous thing in my opinion. Needing to be honest with your wife at some point is healthy and by then you'll have prepared yourself and articulated what you need to tell her in a way that suits her so all goes as well as can be hoped for. I'm a huge advocate of full disclosure to your wife as soon as the time is right.

I recognize something in b rose's comments that I'd like to echo. You might be telling yourself that you wont need to or could never transition and you might even believe it. In fact, you may never get to that point or even close to it. But the reality is, you might loose your footing once you step into the muddy water and before you know it, you'll be getting sucked out to sea. It's happened to many of us here including myself. It's not necessarily a bad thing but you MIGHT lose control the more you dabble with all of this. Sadly for some, it does cost them everything.

Lastly, I give my unreserved, resounding endorsement to the book, She's Not There by Jennifer Boylan that Clara recommended. You HAVE to read it ...or I wont talk to you ever again Just kidding. It really is a must read for those of us in this realm!

[ElainMoria]

I can only speak for myself, so this is no reflection on anyone here BUT for myself. All my life I have suffered (and I don't use that word lightly) as male. My internal view is VERY female. I can't remember a day of my life, and I can remember nearly every day of my life back to about 3ish, that I didn't FEEL female. When I was 5 years old I was horrified to find out that my genitals were not going to turn into girl parts like I kept hoping they would. The ONE time I asked my mom why I had boy parts when I was a girl... I got beat so badly I was bed ridden for several days and was bruised from my neck to the backs of my knees. I learned right then to never mention that thought again.

Most of my 50 years of life I struggled to 'be male'. I watched and copied other mens behavior and over time became very adept at hiding who I was inside. I wasn't able to hide from my own self loathing of my male anatomy though. The ONLY times I had any semblance of relief from that was when I presented as female but even then I was horribly aware that my anatomy didn't match my internal reality, so it was only a temporary relief for my GD.

Some people who are Gender Dysphoric, are only mildly so, and growing breasts, or wearing female attire (presenting as female) are fine at those levels, some need greater levels of feminization to be comfortable within themselves. That is a range from simple cross dressing, all the way up to and including full transition from male to female through surgical intervention. At no point in any level of this, is anybody any less than anyone else, we simply have different levels of need and comfort.

My sisters who only want to grow breasts (etc) and my sisters who want to go all the way to full GRS are equally beautiful to me and the topics that interest them, and validate them are as equally important as the topics that interest and validate me. I am fond of saying....

Be beautiful, because you are the only one who can be so beautifully you. ~Elain

[WantAPair]

Elain, I'm REALLY sorry you had to go through that!!!! :-( If I could, I would gladly take that pain away from you!!!! (And that goes for anybody else, too!!) Why should YOU be beaten for something that's NOT your fault??
Anyway, I'm sure you'll find (if you haven't already) that you'll be QUITE safe here!!!!
Take care!!!! And be happy being YOU!!!!