[wee2er]

Toni2
I've often wondered about reaching that point of accepting being trans and deciding to transition. You say it's not related to any feminizing herbs ( I guess that includes any E therapy) and that it's all governed by our minds. It's only my experience but on feminizing herbs or E I have felt elated maybe that's gender euphoria but it seemed to influence my desire to transition and in my opinion helped confirm my thoughts of being trans. I still live as male btw and am still very much in the closet.
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Brilliant to hear different thoughts and experiences.
Maybe your switch is some form of doubt? Dependent upon you wondering about being trans and deciding to transition balanced by you being very much in the closet and living as a male?
Maybe one day you will decide yes, I am transitioning or decide the polar opposite, could that be your mind creating a switch? 
Obviously everyone has these yes/maybe/no thoughts in everyday life, which is why I think it's nothing related to herbs / E etc, however, I'm no expert so highly likely to be wrong.
All fascinating stuff though   

[Toni2]

Toni2

I don’t even want to think about going off my HRT.  I would give up my herbs before I would stop my HRT. I don’t want to go back to the old me, my wife says she doesn’t like the old me.  She says I’m a joy to be around scene I started HRT.  I’m finding the longer I’m on estrogen, I don’t want to stay in the closet, with those feelings it presents a whole other set of problems.

Pooky

Hi Pooky , I felt so good taking E too and I guess feeling like that reaffirms that transition or even just accepting yourself as transgender is valid. My wife is not at all accepting and I fear my adult children’s response if I come out. For the time being at least I  try to feminise as much as I can without it being apparent outwardly. The gender dysphoria manifests itself in so many ways though and it breaks my heart not being able to transition.

[Caylee]

Toni2!

I still fight my own dysphoria, can’t imagine fighting through it without my wife.  For her being cisgender was a really challenging change but we laugh about it together.

I wish for you that your family and and mostly your wife were on board.  Stay positive and maybe you will find peace and happiness in your life.

One thing my wife told me was that me totally being honest and not leaving anything out when I decided to tell her made the difference.

Good luck!

Pooky