[Marica]

Hi Shirazmn, as you know in our discussions on Discord I live with a marvellous woman that not only accept my duality and my feminine side, but she loves it and helps me to improve it. Sometimes she’s also worried about of what other people can see and say but we talk of everything and any fear disappear.
I must say that in this part of my life I’ve been very lucky meeting her… 
In my previous marriage some arguments were literally a taboo and I felt misunderstood and depressed for a very long long time.
My suffering have teached me that have the possibility to speak freely is the key to happiness. Obviously there must be someone able to listen without prejudice…
So what I can say is that in the couple life is important not hide anything, also if sometimes is not pleasant.

[Shirazmn]

First of all, thank you all for the positive thoughts and the input. I appreciate every single word you wrote. Thank you!

Since day 1, my wife has known about my crossdressing and she always drew a red line in "changing your body". She made it clear that she is married to a man and nothing else. I am not transitioning and I never would, and I accept the fact that she needs a man: a man I want to keep being. I only wish she could accept a pair of boobs on that man, yet I understand that it's not easy.
Anyway, I am not unhappy. She is a wonderful wife and the fact that she copes with my crossdressing makes her a rare catch already. Apart from that, she has at least 102843985743986704 more qualities that make me believe that I hit the jackpot when I met her, and my fetish for boobs is not woth jeopardizing even a cent of that.

The way I feel now is more like a kid whose friend broke a toy of. Sad? Disappointed? Watching my 8 y/o taught me that it'll pass. Yet, my 45 y/o me tells me that there will be a time when things will be more acceptable, probably in 10 years, and I will take full advantage of that.

Will we grow boobs together? It's unlikely, but I tried. My wife has been in premature menopause for some time now and she is starting to lose some hair because of it. I offered to give her "the herbs" that I was taking for mine (PM), which I believe could actually have a positive effect on her. And, yes, she could grow bustier because of them, but so far she said no. It would be interesting indeed if we grew a couple of sizes up together... and we could exchange bras even more than we do now (yes, it happened... so validating ).

My plan is, in a month from now, to see the doctor and do a full body check up. If nothing is too wrong, I'll try to convince the doctor to prescribe some estrogen on the basis that I actually felt a lot better while taking it, which is not a lie. Wee2er is sharing some very valuable insight from that point of view (dealing with the NHS) and I think we'll collect some interesting intel between the two of us, which I will share here. I hope that my wife will keep her very lightweight approach to any changes that might come. We'll see...

[wee2er]

That's the spirit Shira, that 8-yr old you will soon pass and you'll be back to your normal mid 40s you  

You definitely have struck lucky with her indoors so no kink is worth jeopardising that, end of of, and she is partially accepting so like you say maybe in a few years she'll mellow a tad more and you'll both grow older growing boobs together hehe.

Definitely the right thing to do in telling the GP, I was pleasantly surprised at the response I got, my blood specialist has added hormone checks to my quarterly blood checks and my GP did a straight forward referral to the Endo.

Both thought it was VERY odd and neither have any experience with a non-transitioning male taking E for all the other benefits it brings, but both were willing to reason with me, especially when I backed it all up with research, proof and clear sound of mind approach. Endo appointment is week after next so will update you then.    

Go armed with your research and reasoning, instil that you have no interest in transitioning or growing boobs, and put to them your reasoning. Give me a shout if you want to chat more beforehand, but in the meantime enjoy your hols and good luck when you take the plunge.

[Shirazmn]

A small update to my story: the subject of me taking whatever it is I am taking came back a few more times with the wife. Today she was pointing out a poster about hair transplants (since that is the reason I always gave her for taking stuff). I said that, aside not having the $$ right now, there were many positive side effects from taking what I was taking that went beyond my hope to keep or regrow some hair. I reiterated that I felt 10 years younger and that now, one month after stopping, I feel old again like I was feeling before starting at the end of last Summer.
To my surprise, the subject is not a total taboo, although I never really said that what I took was estrogen. We just agreed that as soon as we come back from holiday in late Feb I will go to the doctor and get a referral to the endo to make sure I am not causing any damage and that what I am doing is safe. With the right reassurance I may be able to get things going again in a few months.
We'll see how that goes.

[tomi66]

Sounds great.

[MnWhoHBreasts]

Shirazmn, This was a very positive talk that you had with your wife. I pray that even more of your future talks will be more of the same with positive outlooks. Please keep us updated and any time you need to talk, you know how to reach me.

[Shirazmn]

Just a quick post to signal that I am still here and still alive.

We came back from holiday about 10 days ago and, as promised to my wife, I am looking into some place to do a full body check up (blood, hormones, everything...). We agreed that, given the prognosis of gynecomastia I had a few years back and some family history of breast cancer, I will also do a mammogram... which is weirdly validating.
Anyway, I still have about one month worth of Progynova in a drawer, two months if I did 2mg/day, but I won't touch it until I have done all my exams. After that... I don't know...

When we were on holiday I had to jump into a hot spring with my wife's family and, in a separate occasion, in a pool with her and my son. I reasoned that I really don't care about my shape when I am around my wife and kid but I got really self conscious when the rest of the family was around. Yes, I am chubby and yes, up until that moment they feed me like a pig before Christmas, but I still felt weird. On the positive side, nothing was said and I didn't clock any weird stares. I know that I am still in moob territory, but I wonder what would happen if I went further towards boobland. 

It has now been about 2 1/2 months since I last took progynova. My moobs/boobs have deflated slightly but I can still fill a 38D. The boobs are far apart but there is a lot of flesh there once I put them inside an underwired bra. I could stop and call it a day but I am honestly sad that I am not doing anything to achieve something more, and I miss all the positive side effects of E, like the feeling of being younger and the lack of pains in my bones. The hair on my head, what's left of it, is also starting to thin and fall again, and I really hate that. 

Another user here (you know who you are) told me that he asked an endo if it made sense to continue taking E to keep these effects going and apparently he has been served a resounding no. I know that unless I put myself in a transition list I would never be able to get a doctor to prescribe E, but my mind keeps justifying my intention to going back to it by thinking that if there are a few million trans people on monotherapy out there it mustn't be that bad for the body. To satisfy my craving, I sometimes toy with the idea of just buying a supply and then keep it there "just in case".

Anyway, let's see what the doctors say. If the results are all normal and if not having comment about my shape from her family calmed my wife a bit, maybe I can restart things slowly. We'll see.

[wee2er]

Glad you are still alive and kicking  

Interesting that you didn't have any odd stares or difficult moments when on holiday, you clearly can get away with what you have. Personally, I think you can get away with more, just as I do. It's how you present, male as male or feminine male or whatever. Obviously, you have the wifey to keep on board so more might not be too much more, but who knows?

Maybe a low dose approach might work, but after your check up, which your GP could do but may not screen everything, otherwise its pay and go private. I hear Harley Street is full of low paid docs LOL.

The problem you'll come up against is there is no medical pathway for males taking E and not transitioning!

Keep us all updated please.

[MnWhoHBreasts]

"Just a quick post to signal that I am still here and still alive."

I am glad you are still here and alive, I know the world can be a depressing place from my experiences but one day at a time. I guess what I'm saying is with everything that your going through with is try to have a positive outlook on everything.

Hope you and your family had a great holiday.

I hope everything works out with your blood work and your in top shape to continue your journey. 
It does sound like your wife feels better about you and your breasts since the family was good with them.

Keep us updated and always looking forward to hearing the updates from you.

Every situation is different.